Men Answer ONLY!

[4jacks]

I really just was curious to see what people had to say on this after watching a show on a man who says that he finds his wife very unnattractive because she does not look like she did when they got married. She looked great to me! And she has had 3 kids too! He says that her legs are unnattractive now and he will point out pictures of women from the Victoria's Secret catologue and tell her what he would like her to look like!

that man is an idiot.

 

[Leanna]

Im actually suprised that there are not more posts like this... and i can totally understand where you are coming from. And although i will no doubt 'get it' for saying this but... I am actually supprised by the number of people who are excessively overweight and act as if its their right to be that way, and there is nothing wrong with it, and their loved ones shouldnt say anything about it... thats denying it and excusing it, even when science and history says that there can be very serious issues with it (health wise)... someone who is addicted to food is no different than someone addicted to anything else...in both cases its unhealthy...an addiction is an addiction... both people need help and a spouse should certainly care!

I agree. Obesity causes numerous health problems, especially long term....

 

[Leanna]

Well, if it goes into a debate...I got no control. I really just was curious to see what people had to say on this after watching a show on a man who says that he finds his wife very unnattractive because she does not look like she did when they got married. She looked great to me! And she has had 3 kids too! He says that her legs are unnattractive now and he will point out pictures of women from the Victoria's Secret catologue and tell her what he would like her to look like!

um yeah, that man is an idiot.

 

[Leanna]

Please tell me....was this man the picture of perfection? Strong, lean, muscled, well kept hair?

Did HE look like the model he expected his wife to be?

No kidding, he is probably pretty nasty, it always happens that way.

 

[MERCY@GRACE]

I am assuming you are talking about fat weight and not muscle weight (big difference)

would she be less hot... um YEAH.. that's a no brainer..
would I love her anyless... umm NO .. that's a no brainer as well..

if she gained weight to the point that it bothered me, would I encourage her to work out... YES.. she has asked me to..

This thread is going to end up in a big debate, you know that right?

...AND this is why she asked MEN ONLY to reply!

 

[Leanna]

Actually I believe that is because there is a women's thread in women's discussion. And yet I keep answering here................

 

[meganahan]

...AND this is why she asked MEN ONLY to reply!

OOPS.

I thought the POLL was for just men. I didn't realize I was supposed to be quiet in the thread. So sorry.

 

[GutterRat]

I said yes. I married a particular person, of a particular size. If I had wanted a large wife, then I would have dated large women.

That said, there are a few acceptable reasons for excessive weight gain:

1) pregnancy (she was a very beautiful pregnancy woman)

2) a medication necessary to keep her alive that has weight gain as a side affect.

I would be fine with those two conditions, but excessive weight gain from lack of self-care would bother me greatly.

Wut he said.

 

[HeatherJay]

I shall answer fo my hubby, but I won't vote.

It would depend on how much weight. If we're talking 15-20 pounds, fine. If we're talking 50-75-100 pounds...not cool.

And I wouldn't be cool with that, either. I'd expect him to react negatively.

I'd feel the same way if the shoe was on the other foot.

I'd love him unconditionally...but finding him 'hot' at 100 pounds over his healthy weight? I can confirm that I'd at least find him 'less hot'.

 

[~Beauty_from_Pain~]

Lol, isn't it interesting how polls for men only don't stay that way? Hehe!!! Haha! So funny! Yet it is allright and I don't mind!

My thoughts: I have always thought that men were interested in women because of their attraction and that women who were not as attractive and weren't thin got the short end of the stick. It still seems to be mostly true. It is sad I feel, that if I woman weighed 120 pounds when the guy married here, and she gained 30 pounds (20%!) that she would be not as attractive anymore.

My bf says that he is in the minority then. I hope so. I am not a thin stick and have an extra 20 pounds even though I eat healthy and exercise regularily. So shoot me for being the ugly chick on the block!

Our culture is making us normal women who aren't stick women to be considered unnattractive. It is society mostly since men used to be attracted to more heavier set women. Men's veiws change depending on what society says is good looking or attractive.

Ok, my vent of the day.

 

[Leanna]

Lol, isn't it interesting how polls for men only don't stay that way? Hehe!!! Haha! So funny! Yet it is allright and I don't mind!

My thoughts: I have always thought that men were interested in women because of their attraction and that women who were not as attractive and weren't thin got the short end of the stick. It still seems to be mostly true. It is sad I feel, that if I woman weighed 120 pounds when the guy married here, and she gained 30 pounds (20%!) that she would be not as attractive anymore.

My bf says that he is in the minority then. I hope so. I am not a thin stick and have an extra 20 pounds even though I eat healthy and exercise regularily. So shoot me for being the ugly chick on the block!

Our culture is making us normal women who aren't stick women to be considered unnattractive. It is society mostly since men used to be attracted to more heavier set women. Men's veiws change depending on what society says is good looking or attractive.

Ok, my vent of the day.

Ahhh, and I hesitate to say but.... I'm with Heatherjay, "I'd love him unconditionally...but finding him 'hot' at 100 pounds over his healthy weight? I can confirm that I'd at least find him 'less hot'" And I am not a man, obviously. So it goes both ways.

Then there is the health issue.... 60% of America is obese. Its hurting our health in MAJOR ways. I am trying to say this careful.... but I think we don't need to make it any more the accepted norm than it already is.Instead of changing our view of severely overweight individuals we need to overhaul the content of our diet and the lifestyle that leaves to severe overweight people....

Our generation is going to be the first to have a shorter lifespan than our parents. Obesity is a major cause of premature death and if current trends continue is likely to overtake smoking as the highest preventable cause of death in America. Excess body fat has serious consequences for the body’s metabolism including higher levels of triglycerides, higher levels of bad cholesterol, lower levels of good cholesterol, higher insulin levels and decreased tissue responsiveness to insulin, and higher blood sugar levels. Childhood obesity increases the likelihood of developing and dying from serious chronic conditions such as cardiovascular diseases, type two diabetes mellitus, and certain cancers, in adulthood.

I can provide sources for these statements if you want them.

(let the bashing begin?? )

 

[Telrunya]

My wife was on the heavy side when we got married and she gained weight with our first child but lost it fairly fast, then she gained weight with out second and before she could loose it and despite our precautions she got pregnate with our third child and the weight has been alot harder for her to loose. I still think she's hot and definately "does it" for me what ever her weight it. She is just a naturally sexy woman.

 

[Southern Cross]

If this were an anonymous poll with more choices, I think you'd see a bunch of very interesting responses. We all know the answer to how we SHOULD feel toward a spouse who has gained a ittle or a lot of weight. That's a no brainer. But I tend to think the people who want to answer honestly one way or the other will not do so because their comments will turn into a debate or people start to get defensive an put down people who feel one way or the other. I know I grabbed my ten foot poll when I first saw this thread.

 

[seamonster]

Well, I voted for my husband. He said yes, I would be less hot if I gained a lot of weight. This doesn't offend me or hurt my feelings. If he gained a lot of weight I would find him un-attractive, too. There's a reason I married someone in good physical shape! Health is VERY important to me. I know we both might fill out a bit over the years, but I think it's important to stay attractive for your spouse.

 

[J0hnSm1th]

I guess I should specify more clearly. If your wife gained weight and she worked out and ate right but could never loose as much as you wanted her to loose, would that make her unnattractive? Would that make you love her less?

I would not love her less. But i would find her less physically attractive. That would make my zeal for intimacy less. Its just a chemical thing. I can override that with commitment and willpower.

My wife did gain quite alot of weight after the birth of our children. She found that her metabolism slowed even though she was eating reasonably well. She decided to go on a medically controlled diet + exercise and lost 30 pounds. Shes much happier in herself now that shes back in the healthy weight range. When she's happier i'm happier.

 

[firestar]

Ahhh, and I hesitate to say but.... I'm with Heatherjay, "I'd love him unconditionally...but finding him 'hot' at 100 pounds over his healthy weight? I can confirm that I'd at least find him 'less hot'" And I am not a man, obviously. So it goes both ways.

Then there is the health issue.... 60% of America is obese. Its hurting our health in MAJOR ways. I am trying to say this careful.... but I think we don't need to make it any more the accepted norm than it already is.Instead of changing our view of severely overweight individuals we need to overhaul the content of our diet and the lifestyle that leaves to severe overweight people....

Our generation is going to be the first to have a shorter lifespan than our parents. Obesity is a major cause of premature death and if current trends continue is likely to overtake smoking as the highest preventable cause of death in America. Excess body fat has serious consequences for the body’s metabolism including higher levels of triglycerides, higher levels of bad cholesterol, lower levels of good cholesterol, higher insulin levels and decreased tissue responsiveness to insulin, and higher blood sugar levels. Childhood obesity increases the likelihood of developing and dying from serious chronic conditions such as cardiovascular diseases, type two diabetes mellitus, and certain cancers, in adulthood.

I can provide sources for these statements if you want them.

(let the bashing begin?? )

No bashing here, I agree with this 100%

 

[firestar]

Lol, isn't it interesting how polls for men only don't stay that way? Hehe!!! Haha! So funny! Yet it is allright and I don't mind!

My thoughts: I have always thought that men were interested in women because of their attraction and that women who were not as attractive and weren't thin got the short end of the stick. It still seems to be mostly true. It is sad I feel, that if I woman weighed 120 pounds when the guy married here, and she gained 30 pounds (20%!) that she would be not as attractive anymore.

My bf says that he is in the minority then. I hope so. I am not a thin stick and have an extra 20 pounds even though I eat healthy and exercise regularily. So shoot me for being the ugly chick on the block!

Our culture is making us normal women who aren't stick women to be considered unnattractive. It is society mostly since men used to be attracted to more heavier set women. Men's veiws change depending on what society says is good looking or attractive.

Ok, my vent of the day.

(bolded and italicized by me for emphasis)

I think a key point to consider here is that your boyfriend is dating you at the size/weight you are now. He is interested in and attracted to you the way you are right now. I'd say you should feel great knowing that you are exactly what he's attracted to, no dieting required! From everything I hear you say in your posts it sounds like you take good care of yourself, keep in good shape, exercise and watch what you eat. We're not all made from cookie cutters so don't worry about not looking like a cover girl. Less than 2% of us do (even if we are thin).

The question I think a lot of people are honestly answering is this: You meet your spouse at such and such a weight/size, and then you get married and they RADICALLY change so that they no longer resemble the person you first met and were attracted to. Will you still feel the same intensity of attraction? Some people say they will, others like me say they wouldn't. It's not worded as "would being slightly overweight put you off from being attracted to a person and cause you unhappiness and lack of satisfaction if you then married them" Like I said in WD, my husband is thick and stocky. I think he's delicious looking and would eat him with a spoon if I could ! He was like this when I met him, I wasn't looking for a body builder type so it's not disapointing to me that he doesn't fall in that category now 12 years after meeting him... you know what I'm saying??

I don't want him thin and bony and don't need him to be "ripped" to think he is hot. BUT if he were to gain 50 lbs I'm sure he wouldn't look as good as he does now, and if he lost 50 lbs I SURE wouldn't like that either. To make a long story not so long- with the exception of 15 extra lbs he looks the same as when I met him and that is a good thing

 

[JimfromOhio]

Appearance is important but to whose definition? My wife is beautiful because she is my woman. I married her and I will always flirt with her, romance her and chase her. When I married her, she was not thin and I didn't care because I love who she is inside of her. We have the kind of love that make our sex life so exciting that non-Christian marriages do not know what to do with.

 

[Million Pieces]

Gaining more than twenty percent of her weight on our wedding day would be considered way too much by me.

Okay, I have to take issue with this one. You're not allowing a lot of room for error there. Unless you're thinking of marrying a woman who is already 150+ lb. you're placing a very unrealistic expectation on someone. Hubby here agrees, there's a lot of shallow and thoughtless men around everywhere. Not saying all of you here are, I've also seen some very loving and selfless replies here.

I'm almost 37, I will not have the body of a 20 year old! It's just not going to be possible. That goes for men too, BTW.

 

[Mrs. Enigma]

I did not read through all the replies, and did not vote, of course.

But I just wanted to say a few things.

I think that I would find my hubby less attractive if he just decided to be a hugely fat person, very obese. It would be unattractive, because I find self-control attractive, and caring /grooming youself attractive. If he just gained some weight as he aged, or something, that is not a big deal. He does not have to maintain a "movie star" weight.

Also, I have noticed that mostly only thin women seem to have their photos in here on CF. This bothers me. Lots of women are overweight, grey haired, wrinkly, or some other thing they deem unatractive, but CF, is not Hollywood, and I wish the women could feel comfortable posting their pics too.

Anyhow, my hubby seems to act just as attracted to me if I gain or lose weight (I am not talking obese here, just gaining and losing pregnancy weight excess.) I think the main thing is how you present yourself. If you think "I am the hottest girl on the planet" then it makes you look better to your mate. I see women who are plump, but dress nice and fix their hair nice, and smile, and that looks way way better than a woman who doesn't keep herself presentable.