Meltdowns - Please read!

[trinitygrace]

I wanted to post a thread on here about my experiences with having what I call "meltdown" which are times where I just completely lose all control and cry for hours. These usually happen to me only about once a month or once every other month. They are usually spurred by a fight with my boyfriend and there is usually a high level of stress going on in my life.

Well I had a meltdown last night. I got into a fight with my boyfriend and he just made it worse. We ended up leaving our date with a couple of my friends. I cried so much on the way back home I threw up and he had to pull over several times.

Whenever I am in the middle of a meltdown he says I act "immature" and insane. He won't hold me or talk to me until I stop crying. He says I do not act like an adult and he doesn't want to marry me or have children by me acting this way. That just makes it worse. I feel so alone and so unloved by him. I feel like nobody else in the world knows what I'm going through. I turn to the Lord and pray to him and read my Bible. I eventually get calm down and we talk things over then.

I just don't know how to relax and calm myself down when I'm going through a meltdown. I cry so hard that I throw up and after I calm down my heart feels almost sore and my lungs feel sore from breathing so hard. I actually hyperventilated last night I cried so hard, which I have never done that before.

I decided to go back to getting Christian counseling which I stopped a few months ago because I didn't think I needed it anymore.

I have also decided to try and find a full time job so I can move out on my own and live in an apartment in the neighboring town that my boyfriend lives in. I feel God is leading me to do this because living with him before marriage is sinning against Him and that's the last thing I want to do. I want to please the Lord because He is the reason I am still alive today. If not for him I probably would have killed myself a long time ago because I can't handle my pain alone. He helps take it away.

I hope I don't sound crazy. I really am not insane. I hold down two jobs and go to school. I am getting my bachelor's degree in May. I am a big sister for Big Brothers Big Sisters. These meltdowns are my only hugh psychological downfall.

Please post your comments. Any and all advice would be appreciated as well as PRAYER! Please pray for me that I can overcome this emotional struggle and find healthy ways to cope, to gain control of my emotions and pray that God will open doors for me so I can support myself on my own. Thank you.

In Jesus' love,
Trinity

 

[inHisgripkim]

Dear Trinity:

I can identify with the meltdowns. I find that when I overtax myself I get exhausted physically, mentally, and emotionally. When we are that tired, our ability to cope weakens until we reach the meltdown. I feel that maybe you are doing too much and need time to rest and take care of you. School, in and of itself, is stressful and tiring. Carrying two jobs is stressful and to go to school on top of that. . . . well, that has got to be really taxing to your overall health, including mental health.

I have crashed due to sleep deprivation. The body can only go so long without proper care and nutrition. Just like a car, it requires oil, gas, and water to run. If you drive and drive with out replenishing its energy sources, the car is going to breakdown. Trinity. . . you don't have to do it all at once. You have a lifetime to do much. Don't take it all on now. Pace yourself and allow time to sleep, rest, and nurture yourself. You need time for fun and good nutrition.

Constant stress will take its toll. Slow it down girl. We take on so much and go and go until it all caves in at once. We women are notorious for holding it all in until we burst and hit bottom. We women generally have to hit bottom before we come back up. I read this in a book somewhere. I think it was Men Are From Mars and Women From Venus. Once we recognize that we are doing this, we can change it. Make pit stops.

You have got to take time out for you. You have to stop once in awhile, refuel and cool down. Can't run forever. A car can't run forever. Nothing can run forever without proper maintenance and upkeep. The human body is the same.

Love thyself. Stop and smell the roses.

My love to you,
Kim

 

[trinitygrace]

Thanks Kim for all of your great advice, help and prayers. I am just so let down with myself. I feel like I am not acting my age and am not emotioally intelligent enough. I feel like I need to just get out there on my own and try to figure out why I get so upset and find new and effective ways to cope. Someone else on here said my massive meltdowns could be linked to abuse in my childhood. He could be right. When I was sad as a child, I mean really upset, I would have meltdowns then to and nobody would do anything. They would just let me go and it was hard because that translated to me as = they don't care. And when my bf does the same thing, it's absolutely horrible. I am getting counseling this Wednesday from a Christian counselor that I was going to. I'm hoping he has something open. Please pray I can get passed this. I have realized that I not only have trouble coping with pain, I am having problems with stress to. I have been so stressed these days that all I want to do is nap or sleep to "escape it all". I can't keep doing this or I wont' get anything done. Thanks for your continued prayers. I wish others would post their thoughts on here too.

Thanks and God Bless, Kim!
Trinity

 

[inHisgripkim]

Thanks Kim for all of your great advice, help and prayers. I am just so let down with myself. I feel like I am not acting my age and am not emotioally intelligent enough. I feel like I need to just get out there on my own and try to figure out why I get so upset and find new and effective ways to cope. Someone else on here said my massive meltdowns could be linked to abuse in my childhood. He could be right. When I was sad as a child, I mean really upset, I would have meltdowns then to and nobody would do anything. They would just let me go and it was hard because that translated to me as = they don't care. And when my bf does the same thing, it's absolutely horrible. I am getting counseling this Wednesday from a Christian counselor that I was going to. I'm hoping he has something open. Please pray I can get passed this. I have realized that I not only have trouble coping with pain, I am having problems with stress to. I have been so stressed these days that all I want to do is nap or sleep to "escape it all". I can't keep doing this or I wont' get anything done. Thanks for your continued prayers. I wish others would post their thoughts on here too.

Thanks and God Bless, Kim!
Trinity

Dear Trinity:

From my own experience, I carried all the pain of my childhood trauma with me and when I felt pain from something going on in my life, it triggered the past pain and it all came up. I have, of course, come to terms with my past pain and seek the Lord and contentment, understanding that I cannot control anyone but myself and how I think and act.

I am happy to hear that you are seeking counseling. You have some thoughts on what is going on with you and that will set the direction of your counseling. You are young and you are growing. With God, time, and your will to grow, you will come to terms with these emotional issues and you will find contentment. Be patient with yourself in the growth. Don't forget to forgive yourself.

Hang on and keep looking up.

In prayer for you,
Kim