Athaliamum, you are making a few assumptions.
Actually I'm not the one making assumptions, you are. I fail to see where my post was addressed to you in particular and your methods. Perhaps you could quote me where I do.
Do you project your thoughts and judgments on your child in a similar manner?
Really, talking about making assumptions - do you, pot calling the kettle black?
Are you more familiar with the OP than this thread? I am curious as to how you could assume that Linnis is not teaching/modeling methods to her child in frustrating/overwhelming situations.
No I'm not familiar with Linnis. Hence the reason I was making a
general and not an individually addressed post on that particular topic. No where does my post say or specifically addressed "Linnis", or any one individual, does it now?
My statement on modeling was regards to someone else's statement that
everyone has meltdowns but that is not a fact because not
everyone does. The comment on modeling is only insulting if YOU CHOOSE it to be. There is no negative judgement in it unless you put that spin on in because of low self-esteem and anything that isn't fluffy or in complete in agreement is a "judgement". Come one really, the people on this board (generally) often take themselves WAY too seriously and are very quick to take on a spirit of offense, which is interesting seeing as members are meant to be christian and guarding against such sneaky spiritual warefare. Really lighten up and stop judging and weighing every word waiting to pounce on something for the sake of argument.
The modeling comment was simply a comment of observation, just something to be aware about, that children mimic their surroundings and are more likely to react in a meltdown fashion if both or either one of their role models react in a similar fashion. The statement that everyone does meltdown and that's okay makes meltdown behaviour acceptable but it's not. Plenty of adults are learning that when they go to work, have a meltdown because they've been taught it's okay to express all feeling without restraint and control and end up losing their jobs. It's not the real world. I'm not saying don't feel but the quicker one learns the tools within themselves and not external (as in mummy) to deal with it the better.
I think the main problem here is how each individual defines the term self-control. I'm getting the feeling that many of you attach an almost unloving and austere spin to it. Leading to comments like this " don't think taking mommy hugs away."
If you are implying that is what I said to do that is just ridiculous! I didn't say don't show them love, be mean. I was saying they need something other then just hugs. That hugs are to reinforce the comfort they have already achieved by themselves. They need internal tools - mum's cuddling isn't internal, its external - so what happens when mum's not there? How then are they meant to learn how to cope?
I taught him to take deep breaths when he was upset.
Guess what that would be teaching him? Self-control. Oh Heatherjay you big meany mummy.
Do you know what? Forget it. Too many people are far too determined to misinterpret and take offense and I'm too used to posting in context and critical thinking forums and I'm unaccustomed to the fluffy ego stroke required to get a fair hearing here without the bias spin.
Cheers
