mean kids

[lucypevensie]

What are some things that you can say to your kids when other kids are unkind to them? Especially when you're not there to observe and defend them fairly? My dd told me in the car on the way home from church that another girl in her Sunday School had been mean to her and wouldn't let her join in the game they were playing. (She's 5) It didn't sound serious or anything to be super concerned about. I just told her that I was sorry that someone had been mean, it's too bad that some kids are just kind of mean. I told her I love her and that there are many people who do love her and that she has nice friends too.

Anything else I should say that you can think of? it's kind of tricky for me because as a child I was sooo ashamed of myself when other kids said mean things to me and I just kind of kept it all to myself. So I don't know what my own mother would have said to me had I told her all about it. i was so happy that she opened up and told me that because she's already miles ahead emotionally than I was at her age!

What do you say/do when your kids have been picked on or treated unkindly?

 

[BeanMak]

I think you handled it very well!

 

[fieldmouse3]

That sounds like a wonderful thing to say to your daughter! If I'd gone through a lot of teasing, that's the kind of thing I would have wanted to hear at that age. I wasn't teased though.... I was much too shy to attract anyone's attention.

 

[Evening Mist]

I think you handled it very well!!

I remind my son that it is okay for him to tell kids how he feels when they treat him unkindly. That he should not be mean back, but that he can say, "Hey, that makes me feel sad. I wish you wouldn't be mean to me." I role play with him, so he can practise the right words. I know that he can't make kids be nice, but I think he should get into the habit of responding constructively. If he can use his words well, then maybe he won't ever feel a need to resort to his fists.

I've also talked to him about empathizing with kids who are picked on. He tends to swoop in and befriend kids in school when other kids are mean to them. He is a big guy for his age, and has told me that sometimes mean kids will listen to him because he is big, and that he can keep them from picking on littler kids. (He's a real sweetheart, btw. )

 

[lucypevensie]

Thanks, everyone. I know I can't be there all the time to defend her, and even if I could be there all the time it's still good for her to learn how to weather these things well. There will always be mean kids around. Somehow we have to teach our kids to deal with that fact.