Hi Clare,
I am really sorry you have experienced this, regardless of what you call it. I agree with the others - there's no rule that says you shouldn't feel hurt or sad or upset if there are people who have had "worse" experiences than you. These things can't be measured in that way, they really can't. Everyone is an individual and reacts and experiences things differently, especially trauma. I know most of society is preoccupied with working out where they stand in relation to others but comparison really doesn't work in these areas - (and I don't think it is helpful in other areas either, but that's another thread). I know there are stereotypical assumptions about victim/survivors or whatever, but that is what they are - stereotypical assumptions
To be honest if a definition might upset you, then I am a bit hesitant to give you one. For some folks, definitions can be helpful though in terms of processing their experience, for others it makes it seem far more real. It's important to go at your own pace in this. Perhaps starting as you have, by saying "this happened and it was wrong, and not my fault, and harmful, and had effects that I want to work through and get healing for" is the best for you right now, moreso than definitions? I agree with the others, go your own pace at this. there are no rules about what reactions/responses/feelings should or shouldn't be to x y or z experience. Measure it's severity (if that is what you are trying to do) by its impact on you - and if a particular label or term helps to convey that, then use that. But there are more things for you to address than worrying about terminology. Noone here will give you a hard time about it, unless to lovingly keep you from self blame or so on.
One thing I will say is that the fact that it didn't involve physical violence doesn't detract from its wrongfulness - "violence" comes from the root word "violation" - and it was certainly that.
If you do feel that you want to work out how to define your experience, perhaps as part of processing it, then please don't dig too deeply into it unless you have people around you who can support you in it. For example, if we were to say "sounds like x to me" or whatever, how would that make you feel, and how would you deal with that? Labels can be really triggery at times, I have found.
I am curious though, why do you think it was not an assault, or why would that be "too strong" a word? If that's not something you want to think about then feel free not to answer, or to PM me if you would prefer.
(In fact if you want clinical type definitions of the different terms you mentioned I am happy to oblige - perhaps PM me about that too - or leave another post here. Keep in mind that different countries (and States) use slightly different terms, too).
I know I struggled over labels for years. It can be helpful, but can also be, well, too defining - and we are not defined by our negative sexual experiences (nor by anything else) whether they be rapes, molestation, assaults, a combination, or other things that we aren't too sure how to categorise.
The biggest thing I would recommend is having one or more people you can work this through with, pray with, and have counselling with. I certainly think posting here is a helpful thing and encourage you to continue to do so, being open to Jesus and what He says about your experiences, - and how He wants to help you heal from them.
Will be praying for you and I will add my voice to the others - feel free to PM me if you would like
Makk
