Me Again Looking For Advice

[~Beauty_from_Pain~]

Alright, so I wrote a post here a few weeks back about me and my bf taking a break. Well, he is going to move down to the lower 48 to live with his brother for about 3 months. Not sure when he leaves yet but it will be by the end of this month.

We are trying to figure out what "taking a break" is in comparison to breaking up. So, since this is time apart for us to think about our relationship we have both agreed that we will not date other people. This time apart is about working on our issues and seeing how things are without each other and figuring things out. Hence, the no dating other people.

We also will not talk to each other except through email although we are not sure how often we should do that. We think it should be limited but since we are still going to be dating we want to connect from time to time to see how we each are doing.

I would like some feedback on what you think should occur when two people break up to work on some issues. Is there anything else that we should think about besides these two things? How often should we communicate?

PS I know some of you will think we shouldn't communicate at all but I ask you to please refrain from trying to prove your point for that as we have already decided on some communication, based on our relationship and what we have discussed.

 

[MN John]

Focus individually on seeking God's will, digging into His Word, and prayer. Think through things like the possibilities, joys, and challenges of being together and the possibilities, joys, and challenges of being apart. Honestly ask yourself whether you are currently drawing your meaning in life from God or from your S.O. Ask God to show you how to be whole and happy in Him as an single individual. Lay your relationship on His altar and truly be willing to follow His guidance to either walk away from it or pick it back up. Do some reading such as "For Women Only" or "The Power of a Praying Wife" (there are counterparts for both of these for men too.) that will help you prepare for, understand, and improve your relationship or some future relationship. Work on yourselves. Be the persons God wants you to be. Don't hold tightly to presuppositions, but be open to whatever God lays on your hearts.

God bless you!

 

[Vasichko]

Focus individually on seeking God's will, digging into His Word, and prayer. Think through things like the possibilities, joys, and challenges of being together and the possibilities, joys, and challenges of being apart. Honestly ask yourself whether you are currently drawing your meaning in life from God or from your S.O. Ask God to show you how to be whole and happy in Him as an single individual. Lay your relationship on His altar and truly be willing to follow His guidance to either walk away from it or pick it back up. Do some reading such as "For Women Only" or "The Power of a Praying Wife" (there are counterparts for both of these for men too.) that will help you prepare for, understand, and improve your relationship or some future relationship. Work on yourselves. Be the persons God wants you to be. Don't hold tightly to presuppositions, but be open to whatever God lays on your hearts.

God bless you!

I think God will help you find your way.

Man, I wish I was in the same situation, but my gf and I broke up and I want her back...

Anyways. Do you know what issues you need to fix? Pray and see what you can do to fix those. As far as communication, I would not do it too much, you have to try to go on about your business. Gotta make them realize what they have lost and think about you (thats what Im trying to do)

 

[~Beauty_from_Pain~]

My bf has a lot of anxieties which he hopes he can work on. He also says he is confused about what he wants. We love each other very much and our relationship has gotten way better since it used to be (we had some problems due to issues that I was working on). I just don't get why he wants to walk away. I would rather he try and work on his problems together as they involve me to a large extent. I kind of get the feeling that he is running away because he needs a break from me so badly. In that case it makes me wonder if it should be complete break up and not just a break. I have mixed thoughts on all of this.

 

[Shabby]

I don't post here regularly but it seems like a red flag that he's moving away after "taking a break". That just seems like it spells the end.

 

[~Beauty_from_Pain~]

I don't post here regularly but it seems like a red flag that he's moving away after "taking a break". That just seems like it spells the end.

He hasn't taken a break yet.

 

[Vasichko]

Why are you two taking a break again? I personally think on some issues people can work them out, that is just the way I am.

Maybe God intended for this to happen, who knows? Sometimes he works in strange ways.

 

[Agelous]

Hello,
I have been a member of this forum for almost 2 years; although, on another username for I have lost my old one. I have watched you ask US about your every issue. And it's been worrying me ever since. You see, you're 23, still full of Youth. Yet with every fiber in your being you've been rushing with this guy. Every question you asked was how to stay together. Every thing you pushed for was keeping it alive.

You're 23. You're still quite the young person. You've grown very attached to this boy which is clearly obvious but now the times finnaly comming when you're starting to realize things might not go the perfect way.

You've always been concerned about you "two" and that's not a bad thing. It's great to be concerned. But have you stopped to fully analyze the life God has set out for you?
I know, you're 23 getting close to that marriage age and singledom you want to wave good-bye too.
Every young women, atleast that I know of, has or will go through that. It's not just you it's normal.

I think with this time,
You should fully dive into God.
Communicate with the boy if you will,
But fully dive into God.
Pray, and pray and pray!
Read up in the text and heavily think about why God has created you and how He could use you right now.

You're technically still single and at this point you're able to less worry about a couple and are more able to focus on God's calling.

It's not a bad thing to be 23 and no ring on your finger.
Nor is it a bad thing to be 89 with no ring on your finger.
Make sure God has no other purpose for your life before you decide it for him.

I assure you, you won't regret this time to think and pray and reflect.

What all COULD you have done for God.
Things that REALLY made a difference in more than just one Guys life.
What CAN YOU do now that you're on a break?
And how can you be more receptive of God and less receptive of you?

Spend a lot of time on your knees and with your nose in the Good News.


You'd be surprised.

 

[sunshinejennii]

Given that this decision has been made I wont go into that.

This strikes me as the opportunity to embrace YOU, spend more time with God, take up some new hobbies, empower yourself. Maybe set yourself targets, have you been trying to change some aspect of your lifestyle, like diet or exercise? Why not see this as 3months of a new regime?

I'm sorry if this is stepping over a line, it's not intended offensively, but you seem to spend a lot of time on CF worrying about your relationship, and I relate to that, both my boyfriend and I are MAJOR worriers and have mood related disorders. But I get the distinct impression sometimes that you are with your boyfriend because you don't believe you can be single. It's natural when someones been a fairly substantial part of your life to start to feel that you need them in order to be you. Since this break seems to be going ahead I'd suggest you work on self esteem, on discovering more about yourself, because no-one can expect someone else to appreciate them, if they don't appreciate themself.

 

[Johnnz]

I have seen quite a few couples that seemed never able to decide what to do. It worries me a bit. When you really love someone all you want to do is be together, and marriage is a very natural outcome of that desire. A stoical or grudging acceptance lacks sufficient vitality for me to feel comfortable.

John
NZ