Hi all,
I agree that purity is far more than just physical virginity. But as for forgiveness of this girl, well a woman who has been raped has done nothing wrong, and thus doesn't need forgiveness for being raped, not by God and not by her future boyfriends or husband either. As fluffy_rainbow said, her hubby would need to know about it because it can and does cause issues, so those would need to be healed and dealt with, but she doesn't need forgiveness as she didn't sin.
As many boardies here have said before, I think that virginity in and of itself is not actually as important as I, for one, was always taught. We need to consider purity as well, and why it is that this is so important. I do think the modern church has held up virginity upon marriage as a goal or status to be aspired to yet hasn't really explained why, and at times has almost implied that sex before marriage is the new "unforgiveable sin", with a kind of "well you are forgiven but you have still wrecked what you could have had and not even Jesus can do anything about it now" approach. I know many people who have been told that, even people who were raped and thus did not themselves "wreck" anything. Personally I don't believe Jesus is that small - I agree with the_man, bring on the grace hehehe).
By all this I mean that there is much more to purity than just virginity, and purity is far more important, because it enables a total sharing and relationship - and the covenantal relationship is what is protected by abstinence prior to marriage anyway! Purity is NOT an end in and of itself... it serves relationship, just as sex itself is designed to serve a covenantal relationship and draw the couple even closer together.
Really though, my little spiel doesn't matter - I don't see why this girl would need to get her purity back, since she has done nothing impure by being raped nor has she failed to adhere to Jesus' standards of morality or anything of that kind. So whilst she has been horribly damaged and will need healing and restoration I don't think she will need to get her purity back, since she didn't lose that and still has it. Purity is a state of mind as much as anything else. Heck, rape is about power not sex anyway. My favourite quote on this is from a book on domestic violence, bear with me cos I know I have quoted it here before - "rape is not about sex. If someone got hit on the head with a shovel, you wouldn't call that gardening, would you?"
In case it helps your friend, SweetistKandie, IMO the loss that hurts the most at times like this is feeling as though there is something that can't be shared exclusively with a spouse anymore, and that it is all irretrievable. "Technical" virginity may not be able to be given to her spouse anymore, but purity certainly can be, and it is purity which gives virginity its value anyway, and makes it more than just "technical". I would say she is still a virgin for that reason, since I believe virginity is far more than just about technicalities and what physical acts have been done.
It is a painful loss, but I don't believe that it is irretrievable. Plus, the fact is that someone who has been raped hasn't chosen anything.... and her choice can still be given exclusively. A rapist has contact with a person's body only (and even then, it doesn't belong to the rapist, and it is not permanent) ... and we are far more than just our bodies. A husband enjoys a covenant with his wife, and obviously, a rapist does not. A husband has just as powerful a connection with his wife on an emotional and soul level, and they share a spiritual experience in sex also. Just as a true godly loving husband and a rapist cannot be compared, a rapist cannot really rob or cheat a married couple out of anything that they are able to share together within that covenant, because a married couple have a covenanted sexual relationship that involves far more than the sex itself, and it is nothing to do with the rapist, he couldn't get near that.
OK that will do for now, it is more like two dollars than two cent's worth!
Makk
