May Trigger OCD....I'm getting worse.

[Caty]

I have a huge OCD about being unforgivable. I used to think the things I did in the past were not forgivable until I acted upon some complusion and tehn I would be okay. I now see that I was wrong about that, but I'm having a HUGE problem with the unforgivable sin. Every website I read says something different. When I read something that tells me "the only unforgivable sin is not believeing in Jesus." It makes me feel better for a very short period or time. Then I read something like,"relating something done by the Holy Spirit to the devil is unforgivable." or "using cuss words with the Holy Spirit's name attached to them in unforgivable." I'm SO confused!!! The other night I was reading these pages about people who thought they were unforgivable, but really were forgivable. One of the ladies said when she was younger she could feel God hugging her, and she would tell him she loved hima nd the trees would makes sounds or that would receive dreams about countries and people overseas who needed prayer, that she never met. When I first read some of that I thought maybe it.... and I felt terrible for thinking that, who am I to think that any way. Then the thought came into my mind, I don't know if it was an OCD thought or not,but as soon as it happened I started crying because I knew that according ot some websites that is unforgivable. I'm so confused on which thoughts are mine and which are my OCD. I feel guilty for everything I do and I feel guilty for saying this, but I don't really feel like living anymore, but I'm terribly afraid of death. I'm so scared anymore and I hate it.

 

[Jayangel81]

I am going to give you a piece of advice, stop looking on these websites.

I have let it out on God many times about this, people go and make these websites and they are filled with heresy and false doctrine. It is absolutly disgusting..it is filled on here at CF also in some of the theology sections.

 

[Chaplain David]

I have a huge OCD about being unforgivable. I used to think the things I did in the past were not forgivable until I acted upon some complusion and tehn I would be okay. I now see that I was wrong about that, but I'm having a HUGE problem with the unforgivable sin. Every website I read says something different. When I read something that tells me "the only unforgivable sin is not believeing in Jesus." It makes me feel better for a very short period or time. Then I read something like,"relating something done by the Holy Spirit to the devil is unforgivable." or "using cuss words with the Holy Spirit's name attached to them in unforgivable." I'm SO confused!!! The other night I was reading these pages about people who thought they were unforgivable, but really were forgivable. One of the ladies said when she was younger she could feel God hugging her, and she would tell him she loved hima nd the trees would makes sounds or that would receive dreams about countries and people overseas who needed prayer, that she never met. When I first read some of that I thought maybe it was her imagination, and I felt terrible for thinking that, who am I to think that any way. Then the thought came into my mind, that it was of the devil!! I don't know if it was an OCD thought or not,but as soon as it happened I started crying because I knew that according ot some websites that is unforgivable. I'm so confused on which thoughts are mine and which are my OCD. I feel guilty for everything I do and I feel guilty for saying this, but I don't really feel like living anymore, but I'm terribly afraid of death. I'm so scared anymore and I hate it.

Part of having OCD is experiencing repeated troublesome thoughts and compulsions. Seeking counseling is a wise move to help get your thoughts under control. There are a number of good therapies used quite successfully with OCD. What do you think?

 

[keryakos]

Caty i have experienced the same thing ...and if im not in the same boat with you im rowing not far behind ..you re not alone in feeling this way ..

 

[Caty]

I'm just getting to were I'm not sure if the thoughts are coming from me or OCD, and it scares me. When I try to really sit down and put some realistic understanding on my thoughts is when it happens. I don't know what to believe anymore and Its really depressing me.

 

[Caty]

I am going to give you a piece of advice, stop looking on these websites.

I have let it out on God many times about this, people go and make these websites and they are filled with heresy and false doctrine. It is absolutly disgusting..it is filled on here at CF also in some of the theology sections.

I try to find things that will reasure me, that God can forgive me for anything. Why is it that if you find a site that says somethign good, you think they are wrong some how, but if you find a bad one you think they are right?

 

[kaykay9.0]

I try to find things that will reasure me, that God can forgive me for anything. Why is it that if you find a site that says somethign good, you think they are wrong some how, but if you find a bad one you think they are right?

Because of the OCD fears, reassurance typically doesn't last very long. This is an issue I dealt with for a long time. Finally, when I really began to believe deep down that we don't commit the unpardonable sin "accidentally," or by "some random thought" or feeling, or even a moment of frustration, I began to be able to get over it. This reassurance probably won't help you much either, but truly, the old adage about "if you are concerned about it, you haven't done it" is true in my opinion and that of most pastors and theologians I believe. I know the website you were reading (net-burst etc) and for the most part, I think it's a good one, but in general I don't recommend it. (searching random websites I mean) It will, like James said, often only bring confusion. Instead, try to get help for your OCD. That's what this really is. It took me years to understand that.

 

[keryakos]

I try to find things that will reasure me, that God can forgive me for anything. Why is it that if you find a site that says somethign good, you think they are wrong some how, but if you find a bad one you think they are right?

Because the fear that they are right ...i understand all too well ..

 

[Chaplain David]

Because of the OCD fears, reassurance typically doesn't last very long. This is an issue I dealt with for a long time. Finally, when I really began to believe deep down that we don't commit the unpardonable sin "accidentally," or by "some random thought" or feeling, or even a moment of frustration, I began to be able to get over it. This reassurance probably won't help you much either, but truly, the old adage about "if you are concerned about it, you haven't done it" is true in my opinion and that of most pastors and theologians I believe. I know the website you were reading (net-burst etc) and for the most part, I think it's a good one, but in general I don't recommend it. It will, like James said, often only bring confusion. Instead, try to get help for your OCD. That's what this really is. It took me years to understand that.

QFT

 

[Jayangel81]

I try to find things that will reasure me, that God can forgive me for anything. Why is it that if you find a site that says somethign good, you think they are wrong some how, but if you find a bad one you think they are right?

That isnt how it goes though, people take scripture and twiste it around to their own interpretations.

They make the bible full of contradictions because they know nothing of God's True inspired word. And yet people wonder why athiests say the bible is full of contradictions

This is why it is important that you get yourself a strong foundation of God's Word, so you can tell the truth from the rubbish.

It is because of some of those sites I got in trouble with my Christian walk as far as theology, you can say God was not happy in the least bit on what it did to me.

The unpardonable sin when taken in light of the scriptures (plural) (The bible is meant to be used in whole) It becomes clear on what is forgiveable and not forgiveable and what is considered blasphemy of the Holy Spirit.

 

[Caty]

I try to get that in my head. And I want SO badly to have relationship with God, but when I try to pray or watch Christian tv shows, I feel like, this isn't for me, it's for people who don't doubt and who are sure of their salvation. I'm trying, but everytime I try to take a step forward, I feel guilty. I read something, somewhere that..... That's scared me all day at school, and I was sitting in my friends car about to come home and I started thinking about it again. I thought, how can God send someone who is fearful of everything they do and make their fears come true. It started scaring me, and I can't remember what exactly I was thinking but, I thought, "", and I immdediatly got scared, then I thought I know Jesus doesn't have a hard heart, and I thought ,"." But I know that Jesus is FAR from mean. See, I don't know if that was my OCD, or me just being hateful and stupied. But I feel like I insulted Jesus's character (the Holy Spirit) and I deserve punishment for it.

 

[Caty]

if that's my OCD can anyone relate, do those sound like obsessions or complusions

 

[Chaplain David]

I do not believe that you are a mean person and I know you love Jesus. I think the problems that you write about spring from your illness. What does your therapist say when you explain these types of thoughts to him/her?

 

[Caty]

I haven't went to a therapist yet, I haven't told my mom everythign about it either.

 

[Chaplain David]

I haven't went to a therapist yet, I haven't told my mom everythign about it either.

When we do not get the help that we need we suffer needlessly. I have seen you express your hurt so many times and want you to start on a road to recovery. Would it be possible for you to be honest with your parents about how bad you are feeling?

 

[Caty]

I promise I’m not trying to sound argumentative. But I really don’t see the point if I have committed the unforgivable sin. I don’t feel like anyone can help me now.

 

[gracealone]

Hi Caty,
Everyone who has religious OCD has at some point felt as if they've committed the unforgivable sin. That's the root obsession of this type of OCD. The reason you don't see the point in speaking to a therapist or your family about this is that the OCD has you convinced that all you really need is to find proof, certainty or reassurance that you're still saved. But your emotional state won't allow you to feel certain. Your brain is "high" on fear if you will. It's in an overdosed condition.
Now the only way to find out if this is OCD is to go to a Dr. and spill you guts about the thoughts, the intensity of the anxiety and the misery you are in. And if it's OCD, which it seems more than probable that it is, the only way to handle it is to treat it as a disorder rather than a spiritual problem. I treated my OCD as a spiritual problem for a very long time and only fell into deeper and deeper pain. It was only when I began to manage it as a real disorder of my brain that I started to get better.
If you want to feel better please make that first step and ask for help.
Praying for you.
Mitzi

I promise I’m not trying to sound argumentative. But I really don’t see the point if I have committed the unforgivable sin. I don’t feel like anyone can help me now.

 

[kaykay9.0]

I promise I’m not trying to sound argumentative. But I really don’t see the point if I have committed the unforgivable sin. I don’t feel like anyone can help me now.

Hi Caty,
Everyone who has religious OCD has at some point felt as if they've committed the unforgivable sin. That's the root obsession of this type of OCD. The reason you don't see the point in speaking to a therapist or your family about this is that the OCD has you convinced that all you really need is to find proof, certainty or reassurance that you're still saved. But your emotional state won't allow you to feel certain. Your brain is "high" on fear if you will. It's in an overdosed condition.
Now the only way to find out if this is OCD is to go to a Dr. and spill you guts about the thoughts, the intensity of the anxiety and the misery you are in. And if it's OCD, which it seems more than probable that it is, the only way to handle it is to treat it as a disorder rather than a spiritual problem. I treated my OCD as a spiritual problem for a very long time and only fell into deeper and deeper pain. It was only when I began to manage it as a real disorder of my brain that I started to get better.
If you want to feel better please make that first step and ask for help.
Praying for you.
Mitzi

You have not commited the unpardonable sin. I totally agree with what Mitzi posted. This is just like Mitzi said. A lot of us spent a lot of time trying to reassure ourselves we had not done this, but just like Mitzi said it was OCD. You need to see a doctor like she said, honey.

 

[Caty]

I try to get that in my head. And I want SO badly to have relationship with God, but when I try to pray or watch Christian tv shows, I feel like, this isn't for me, it's for people who don't doubt and who are sure of their salvation. I'm trying, but everytime I try to take a step forward, I feel guilty. I read something, somewhere that Jesus sends the fearful to hell. That's scared me all day at school, and I was sitting in my friends car about to come home and I started thinking about it again. I thought, how can God send someone who is fearful of everything they do and make their fears come true. It started scaring me, and I can't remember what exactly I was thinking but, I thought, "Jesus has a hard heart", and I immdediatly got scared, then I thought I know Jesus doesn't have a hard heart, and I thought ,"but that was mean." But I know that Jesus is FAR from mean. See, I don't know if that was my OCD, or me just being hateful and stupied. But I feel like I insulted Jesus's character (the Holy Spirit) and I deserve punishment for it.

okay, so what if I really meant this? and it wasn't an OCD thought. See I can't really remember, I know I was frustrated that day so what if that really came from me. could I still be forgiven?

 

[kaykay9.0]

okay, so what if I really meant this? and it wasn't an OCD thought. See I can't really remember, I know I was frustrated that day so what if that really came from me. could I still be forgiven?

Yes. You may have been angry towards God and while I don't recommend that this is a good thing, it's a common emotion even among Christians and is not the unpardonable sin. Far from it. I think in your case it's from holding a harsh view of God. We were just discussing this on another thread that often OCD makes us look at the scary scriptures about God and ignore the ones that speak of his longsuffering, mercy and compassion. Again, these kind of thoughts are not some we want to encourage, but it's not unforgivable either, Caty.