I am concerned for those that make the choice to marry young - In my mind that's marrying before you are 26. I have reasons for thinking this way:
Already going to interrupt for a moment and bring up something; Women's fertility begins to drop anywhere from their late 20's to 30/early 30's. Unless you aren't planning on having many kids(or anything at all), this is already something to be aware of.
- I think its very important to develop financial independence (especially for women). To that end getting an education and commencing a career is important for both your own security and the development of your intellect and sophistication as a human being.
College does not equal success, for one. Second, there is no 'good time financially' to get settled or have children. The only exceptions being the homeless or those who literally just don't make enough money(which, if you did any looking into how many ways all of us waste money on a daily basis, you'd see how it can be dealt with efficiently). In fact, the majority of money problems from a new marriage actually come from debt due to over-the-top extravagant 'dream weddings.
Third, college nor a high-end career is going to make you more intellectual or sophisticated as a human being. It just so happens that, coincidentally, a lot of truly intellectually sophisticated people have a strong thirst for knowledge and tend to be hard working. Not that it is a requirement.
- Younger years are for exploring - Its an exciting time to see what the world and life has to offer, and to do so on your own terms - not as a couple. Travel, meeting people, love and excitement. These are not to be missed.
'Not as a couple'? Unless of course, you're married to either a potato sack nailed down to the floor of your apartment or a control-freak handcuffing you to your bedpost...what on earth can you not do while being in a relationship besides dating other people? Many, MANY young couples enjoy travel, socializing and enjoying their youth--if they're keeping each other from these things, it is an individual problem and in my opinion, seems likely to be more of an issue among the older crowd that is past the 'excitement' stage.
- It is wise not to proceed to marriage too quickly. It takes time to truly know an individual and the capacity to deal with good and bad times alike. It also takes time to understand if this person is truly your advocate because statistics would show that too many end up a foe. I would recommend living with the person first, though I recognise that for some, this will not fit within the confines of some Christian principles.
Statistics for divorce also show that the leading cause can be from anything as easily avoidable as infidelity, miscommunications and money problems...to 'falling out of love' or lack of individuality. All of these are quite simple to prevent, giving that one is willing. The problem lies within the fact that we live in a 'me me me' society, where many people simply don't understand or don't care about others on a deep level; only what keeps
them happy and vibin'.
Maturity is not a magical switch in your brain caused by chemicals. It is earned by experience and turned into wisdom. A lot of the younger generation also has problems with this due to(I would assume)living in a time and place(at least in more progressive countries)where the worry and stress of day-to-day life are SIGNIFICANTLY lower than they ever have been. You know, sometimes I think a lot of our problems crop up out of a need for something to fix. It seems like many people these days are 'sheeple' and not capable of even a single original thought past what would benefit them for that temporal moment in time.
To sum up, you don't really need to live with dave for a year to find out whether or not you can truly deal with his forgetting to leave the toilet seat down or the snarky remarks he sometimes makes when upset. There's a lot more I can say on those topics, but that would be a lot more than what I already have.
(Side note: I don't think it's wrong, however, to date one person for a while in order to 'get a feel' for who they are. Sex is an unwise idea though--in fact, I'd go out on a limb and say people these days have so much sex before marriage that it blinds them to the issues with the relationship until it's too late and the marriage bells have already tolled.
...also did I mention that the domestic abuse rate is higher for people cohabitating together as opposed to being married?)
- I actually think its wise to "shop around" and not just jump in with the first person you fall in love with.
It is not wise to 'shop around' in the sense that you feel the need to date [x or y] amount of people in order to 'qualify' as being experienced enough to settle. Not only could you potentially miss out on the greatest person to walk into your life, but you can easily develop commitment issues as well. Times this by about 5 if you have sex during those times, too(for reasons previously listed).
Now if you mean you shouldn't try to marry your first boyfriend/girlfriend as soon as possible when you haven't even been dating very long...yeah, I would agree that's a bad idea.
- Mostly though - these years are the best years - I don't want to be dragged into a marriage or serious de facto relationship at that point.
'Me me me' again. You know, it's fine if you don't think marriage is for you at this stage in your life. But to make such a bold statement that it's unwise for ANYONE under the age of 26 to be married is absolutely ludacris. If you see marriage as a burden or something to be 'dragged into', you've either already developed the 'commitment issues' I mentioned earlier(the common root cause of 'is the grass really greener on the other side' syndrome)or you just don't get what real marriage is yet. Marriage is not about marrying someone you like all the time; the kind of love you should aim for is unconditional. You love them because they are who they are, faults and all--not because they make you happy all the time or they have an award-winning personality. And that kind of thinking is achieved only when you first learn to love people sincerely and train yourself to be kind even when it is very difficult...something that parents should've been disciplining their children to do the moment they could comprehend it, tbh.
This is also coming from a 19-year-old who is to-be-married to her 18-year-old boyfriend who was my best friend for almost 5 years now. We love each other dearly and embrace the weird quirks each of us have--and love to share our hobbies and passions with one another. We've often regularly talked for upwards of 6-11+ hours a day since we've known each other, without getting tired of it.
Both of us are immature in our own rights but...you know, it's a lot less scary and easy to manage when you're actually honest about it and try to help one another instead of pretending like our issues are just because of our age, and nothing to do with the fact that most of the time the root cause is selfishness and unwilling to put in the work it takes to take hold of one's self and mold it to your liking.
There is a lot more to life than finances and catching fish.
//sorry for the long ramble
