Marrying Young?

[Hewitt]

First off, I want to let everyone know that I'm asking this question for future reference. I have no intentions of getting married anytime in the near future because I'm well aware that I'm not ready and it wouldn't fit in God's timing.

With that said, I was wondering what are the advantages and disadvantages of marrying young for those of you who know from experince, or know others who have experience? I'm just coming out of high school and will be attending college in Texas next year much closer to my girlfriend which is really cool how God is keeping us together. Anyway, I've really felt God leading me into this relationship and felt His presence through it, and if she happens to be the one, I was wondering how long I should wait?

Of course, I'll be doing a lot of praying over this in the coming years and God's word will be the deciding factor but I don't want to approach the situation entirely clueless. Thanks for any and all response!

 

[jayebrownlee]

I am getting married reasonably young, I will be 21 and my fiancé will be 20 when we marry later this year, we have had lots of people tell us that we are too young but to be honest we have prayed and spoken about it and we both know that we are doing the right thing.

I really think that is the key, God will provide the right person at the right time and as long as you're listening then there isn't a problem.

For reference, my future sister in-law was about the same age as us when she got married, in fact slightly younger and she is still happily married now 10 years later!!

Jay

 

[AndOne]

I got married very young - I was 21 and my wife 18. For some reason - despite the counsel and warnings of our families and friends - we blindly went forward with our plan.

Here we are now - coming up on our 13th (St. Patties Day) wedding anniversary - and two kids later - and neither my beautiful wife (Tammy) or I have any regrets.

I would offer you some advice - take it or leave it - but I believe that this played a significant part in the success of my own marriage.

1) Get married in church. Despite not being Christians at the time - I felt a strong sense of getting married in a church in front a preacher and having our marriage sanctified in the house of God. I couldn't explain this at the time - but now after we have both accepted Christ - I believe God's hand was in that. There was a great temptation for us to go off to the Justice of the Peace and do this on our own - with no family or friends present - yet my heart could not let me do this. Despite the possible embarrasment of having family and friends ridicule us for getting married at such a young age - I made sure that we exchanged vows on the alter. There were no protestant preachers willing to marry us - and it took us a while to finally convince a presbeterian minister to perform the ceremony - but eventually we had the wedding that was right for us - in a church with a "man of God" leading the ceremony in front of our families and friends. It is a decision that Tammy and I will never regret.

2) Have a plan in place to be able to support your family. Before getting married, Tammy and I both agreed that we would not get married until we were able to support ourselves - without any assistance from Mom and Dad. If you are in school - you might want to consider holding off on marriage until one of you graduates and gets a decent job.

3) Hold off on having kids. We waited three years to have our first child (we now have 2 boys) - a decision that we are eternally grateful for. Because once kids come along - everything changes. Tammy wanted kids almost immediately - but I convinced her that we should wait because we really needed some time to bond as husband and wife before we had children. Thankfully we got that opportunity - and now we often wish we had even waited a couple more years - because it helped us to build a solid loving base with each other.

4) Talk, talk, talk, talk. Make sure you talk with your girlfriend about this - even after you are engaged - make sure that it is something you are both willing to do and you need to come to the realization together that this is a lifetime commitment well before you exchange your vows. This is something Tammy and I did - often. We were very excited about being husband and wife - but we were also very fearful of the fact that this was indeed going to be "till death do us part."

5) Pray, pray, pray! This is one thing we did not do - being unsaved at the time - yet it is something that you as Christians need to do together and alone as you consider getting married. See where the Lord lead you - and of course - if it his will, and you determine it is - then there is nothing, absolutely nothing that should keep you from getting married.

Well - there is my 2 cents - hope it helps!

 

[Hewitt]

Thanks for the responses!

I would never dream of being married in anywhere other than a church so that shouldn't be a problem. The biggest struggle will be supporting ourselves through school because college costs quite a bit of money these days and I probably won't have it. I plan on going into the ministry as well, possibly missions, which is not the highest paying occupation. However, I know God will provide and I'm not worried. I just like to hear some opinions from other people who have some experience, so thank you!

 

[rach]

I think marrying young has it's advantages of keeping the relationship pure. If you've been seeing this girl for over two or three years and it's getting harder and harder to stay pure then marriage is a good outcome, of course only if it's God's will.

Waiting of course has it's advantages too, because if you wait until after school and you both have jobs, then obviously you will be able to support yourself and not have to depend on your parents. This is what would be the hard part about marrying young, finding the money to support yourself and your bride.

It's almost like a vicious cycle, so good luck, but remember God's timing is perfect so the best suggestion is prayer.

 

[IslandBreeze]

I think the best part of getting married young is growing up and old together. When you marry later, a lot of people are SO set in their ways they aren't willing to compromise. JMHO, but I think THAT is the reason for high divorce rates--people waiting later to get married. I was 19, and my husband was 22. Best decision I've EVER made!

 

[Hewitt]

Thanks for your input Rach and Cammie

 

[Christian Mom]

Like I posted earlier I got married at 16. It is very young. You are a child thrown into an adult enviorment. You miss out on alot and are made to grow up fast!!

On the other hand I wouldnt trade it for nothing just knowing I had my husband for the rest of my life at 16. We had to grow alot in the Lord and with each other,but God got the glory and we got two beautifull kids and plan to have more. It is whatever is right for you!

-Christian Mom

 

[N2God]

I was 17 years old when I got married 3 days from 18. I would not change a thing. Just make sure you are in the will of God.

 

[life_boy]

Marriage is a step not to be taken lightly be a person of any age.

 

[coastie]

My wife and I got married 3 days before my 20th b-day and 3 mos before hers. The only thing we regret is not being 21 at our reception

It's tough, but you learn to be flexible and the toughest part (putting someone else before yourself) becomes very easy after only a little time of awkwardness.

Being that I was on a ship and in a different hemisphere for the first few months of our marraige, I can tell you first hand, that time has NO bearing on a relationship, and as long as you go into the marraige with the state of mind that it's parmanent, and you put God at the center, you're set.

 

[IslandBreeze]

Yesterday at 01:28 PM life_boy said this in Post #11

Marriage is a step not to be taken lightly be a person of any age.

So, you don't think young people take marriage seriously?

 

[Annabel Lee]

Today at 05:28 AM life_boy said this in Post #11 (http://www.christianforums.com/showthread.php?postid=662415#post662415)

Marriage is a step not to be taken lightly be a person of any age.

Agreed

 

[fieldmouse3]

Only you and God can tell if it's the right step for you to take, no matter how old you are....just trust in Him and you'll be fine!

 

[life_boy]

Yesterday at 09:09 PM Cammie said this in Post #13
Marriage is a step not to be taken lightly be a person of any age.

So, you don't think young people take marriage seriously?

It depends. But I think adults can take it just as 'lightly' and rush into something while thinking that because they are 'older' or 'wiser' that they make great decisions all the time and that's not always true. It is true that as a person gets older, they get more mature but I think some adults underestimate how mature than they really are.

The point of my post was not to downgrade a young person considering marriage, on the contrary! I, for one, think it's great if a young person is looking into marriage. Why? Because they are looking for a long lasting commitment. I look around at young people and see people who don't really care about commitment, they just want to "be with" someone. This goes for Christian youth as well as anyone else. And while many of them would say that they 'love' who they're with, I'd say they love 'being with' someone more than they actually love the person. They like the idea of "not being alone" or having "someone's hand to hold" which is not necisarily a bad thing to want, but I think the majority of relationships in Jr. High, High school and the first years of college (at least in America) is all about just "having someone".

Of course, I could be wrong but this is based on observations I've made watching TV and teens interact with each other in real-life. You see, my above statement was actually towards adults who think "kids" don't take marriage seriously. I hope this clears it up.

 

[IslandBreeze]

I see! I appreciate your response!

I know a lot of people (none of our family members) told Jay and I we were too young. Their opinion, but I always knew I'd marry young. And I agree with you; I think it's because they think young people don't take marriage seriously. That's a pity, because I think MY generation is taking it MUCH more seriously than the generation before us (no offense). I think we've seen SO much divorce and hurt that we KNOW that it takes to make a marriage work, and we're willing to work on it with all our hearts.

BTW--I've seen some of the ways that TV teens interact. I've seen VERY little of that in real life. TV gets scary sometimes!

 

[Hewitt]

Like I mentioned before I have always felt like I would marry young, and that has been my wish all these years. However, I would never sacrifice my desires for going against God's will and plan for my life. If He approves and provides for me at an early age then I see no reason not to go straight to marriage. From my point of view, it just means I get to spend even more time with that special women I love.

 

[KristiXP]

I also have felt I would marry young. Call me selfish, but I don't want kids either, something I've prayed about and feel deeply about.

Like Hewitt said, marrying young just means you get to spend more time with that special one. I would love to be married, and I am now wanting to talk to other Christian women that are wives about marriage, how to be a good wife. Collect recipes now, practice cooking now, cleaning skills, etc. I also plan to go to college and hope to be succesfull and able to provide equally to my household. That is something my boyfriend and I talk about a lot. We would love to be married now, but we are waiting until I atleast get a year into college and he get's a better job so we will be financially stable.

 

[EJO]

I was 20 and she was 23. We took a pre-marriage class, and our pastor said to focus on the marriage, and not on the wedding. The wedding is only one day, your marriage is your lifetime.

We got involved in taking marriage classes through our church. Eventually we were asked to join the marriage ministry.

I suggert taking a marriage class or a seminar or something that will keep your marriage "tuned up".  We really benefit from this ourselves. We have found out over the last 9 years we have changed over time, and now with 4 kids there is a completely different dynamic!

 

God Bless!

EJO

 

[rach]

For those of you who married young, were you married during college, and if so, how did you cope with that? I'd like to get married young, but that would be hard to do because of classes, etc.