Marrying someone you don't think is attractive?

[Remy86]

Would you do this?

I hear a lot of Christians tell me to do this, because looks don't last and you gotta take what you can get, and you can't have double standards, etc, etc. Would you ever marry somebody you didn't find attractive? why?

 

[Neve]

I won't do that. I've heard all that before - looks don't matter, only who he is does - but I won't go for that. I think if you're not attracted to your spouse, then it's a problem.

 

[Rhye]

No.

 

[anewday]

At the wise age of 33, I do not agree with those that say such things. I have dated many men and the few that stood out to me were the ones I fell in love with. My loves turned into my life's greatest tragedies, but if the attraction was not there, I would not have spent more time with them which led to that love.

 

[SnowyMacie]

I had a conversation about something similar to this recently, it's a long story that involved table salt.

Anyway, there's a huge difference between being physically attracted to another person and only attracted to their physical appearance. Would I marry someone I didn't find physically attractive, no, that's just as silly as marrying someone you despise and don't get along with because you find them physically attractive.

 

[Remy86]

I agree with you guys. I am surprised when other Christians try saying looks don't matter at all or you should only look at the heart. That's just religious garbage! Christians are humans like everybody else, so why they think you stop being human when you get saved I do not know.

I am a hypocrite because I won't marry someone I don't think is good looking even though I'm skinny myself. It is a double standard I know, but it is the way I am. I would rather be alone than stuck in a passionless, sexless marriage.

 

[Strider1002]

At least three times, I was not attracted to a woman when I first saw her. But then I got to know them and fell for them. So, initial attraction, or lack thereof, can be deceptive.

 

[anewday]

At least three times, I was not attracted to a woman when I first saw her. But then I got to know them and fell for them. So, initial attraction, or lack thereof, can be deceptive.

 

[Going Merry]

I have to be attracted to them. There has to be attraction. It doesn't soley have to rely on their looks, but I still have to be attracted to some facet enough to want to be with them permanently.


I don't really love people right away. In fact unless they get to know me then theres no possible way I will be attracted to them. Cause I am somewhat not attracted through looks alone... Idk. I have always been that way.

 

[Jupiter Drops]

Would you do this?

I hear a lot of Christians tell me to do this, because looks don't last and you gotta take what you can get, and you can't have double standards, etc, etc. Would you ever marry somebody you didn't find attractive? why?

For one, I wouldn't.

But I did fall for some people who I didn't think was attractive. Their talents, personalities, and other qualities made up for it.

Now I just sound like a snob, but it's true. You just never know.

 

[Remy86]

I don't think I would ever fall for somebody I'm not attracted to. A friend is one thing, a wife is another.

 

[Toro]

Depends, there must be some initial attraction or what would draw you to getting to know this person?

Its not like everyone is saying.... "Wow, that person is hideous. I bet they have a great personality."

Do I have to find her attractive, Yes. Does that mean she has to look like the air brushed model on the cover of a magazine and the rest of the world think she is beautiful. No.

 

[Remy86]

Depends, there must be some initial attraction or what would draw you to getting to know this person?

Its not like everyone is saying.... "Wow, that person is hideous. I bet they have a great personality."

Do I have to find her attractive, Yes. Does that mean she has to look like the air brushed model on the cover of a magazine and the rest of the world think she is beautiful. No.

Some would say your standards are too high?

 

[Toro]

Some would say your standards are too high?

Doesn't matter what they think, it is my life. Also, you are talking about someone you are going to spend your life with, set the bar where you want it and don't let anyone tell you to lower it.

 

[Remy86]

Doesn't matter what they think, it is my life. Also, you are talking about someone you are going to spend your life with, set the bar where you want it and don't let anyone tell you to lower it.

 

[anewday]

Doesn't matter what they think, it is my life. Also, you are talking about someone you are going to spend your life with, set the bar where you want it and don't let anyone tell you to lower it.

Yup, I double thumbs up this .

 

[Ace99]

I just wanted to share something that maybe relevant, for my past two relationships, one was 12 years younger than me, and the other I am very sad to say was married, I feel the enemy really worked on me because I was really attracted to both of them, both relationships really hurt me, and one of them still has a hold on me three years later. something very strange happened to me about a year ago, for about six months, I kept feeling a love for this person, I felt it first in church, I was just stood there and I felt such love for her, it really freaked me out because I didn't love her and I certainly didn't find her attractive, I didn't know what was happening, for six months I battled with this I thought I was going insane, I really thought of harming myself because I hated the idea of being with her, a strange thing kept happening for about ten minutes when I saw her at places, her face seemed to soften and she did seem to look attractive, then after 10 minutes her face went back to how it was. I guess it was just the way my eyes saw her, I wrestled with God for six months over this, in my mind I thought he wanted me to marry her, so like I said after 6 months I finally let go and said if you want me to marry her I would, but I found out that wasn't the point of all this it was to show me how beautiful she was on the inside, she had the most beautiful heart, I'm in full agreement being attracted to someone is important, but here's my point, for about five months I've really liked this girl, she is really lovely, and cute, she is quite quiet, and my oh my, has she a lovely heart, she does care for others.
I'm not sure how she or God feels about this, I've restrained from asking her out due to issues in my life but I feel now could be the time, my whole point being if I had put everything on looks alone, I wouldn't even have looked at this girl, not because she isn't attractive but my standard of beauty and attraction was different then to what it is now, you see then I was blinded by beauty, I was so attracted to them, I didn't see there flaws or even care which lead to me being hurt, but by just taking a step back and getting to know that person leads you to not only see the heart of the person but how they are as a person and believe me if someone has a beautiful heart on the inside, just give it time it will shine through on the outside, and you never know the love of your life could be the one person you've overlooked. God bless to all

 

[crishmael]

Well attraction is more than just physical, but it doesn't make sense to marry someone if you aren't attracted to them in any way. Sounds like more of the spiritual malarkey Christian culture is fond of peddling.

 

[Remy86]

Well attraction is more than just physical, but it doesn't make sense to marry someone if you aren't attracted to them in any way. Sounds like more of the spiritual malarkey Christian culture is fond of peddling.

No argument there.

 

[Niels]

I wouldn't. Mutual attraction is important.