Marrying a virgin

[lsutiger05]

Hey yall,

I am writing to ask what people think about wanting to marry a virgin. I am in my late teens and have dated girls off and on and I was wondering if it is shallow to want to marry a virgin. I myself am a virgin and I know am young to consider marriage this is just for future reference. But Im writing to ask is it shallow to have one of the things I look for in a girl is virginity. I used to judge girls who have slept with guys but now i dont because i know everybody makes mistakes especially me i sin just as much if not more than them. This has come up in discussions with my friends and i just want to get someone else's opinion. Obviously to marry the person she must love Jesus and I must love her but is it a bad thing to hope that she is a virgin as well. - thanks

 

[LovebirdsFlying]

I don't think it's shallow at all. In an ideal situation, aren't we all supposed to be virgins on our wedding night?

Not that I was one. Unfortunately, I fell short. But I do regret it. I'm glad you don't judge non-virgins, but no, I don't think you're out of line to prefer marrying a virgin. That is, as long as you commit yourself to remaining one as well. If you expected your future wife to be a virgin, but reserved for yourself the right to "get some experience," then you and I would have a problem.

 

[Kitty.]

Hey,

I don't think it's shallow per say, but sometimes, hoping for things like that aren't realistic. You should definitely ask God for your partner to be a virgin.
However, you could potentially fall in love with someone who isn't a virgin, so don't turn someone down solely because of that factor.

 

[achristiantech]

My wife and I were virgins when we married, in the heyday of the early 70's what with all the free love. Greatest experience of my life, not sure about hers though. LOL

Personally, I wouldn't limit your future wife to one who is a virgin. Sounds good and I do encourage abstinence before marriage. It's just that many young women you meet may have had their virginity lost do to a situation beyond their control, thought they were in love or weren't walking with Christ at the time. So don't judge those non-virgins so harshly as they are also God's creations and we are all sinners.

God be with you. He's got your mate awaiting you and you'll know when she comes along.

 

[benromana]

Hi,

I think your question assumes that you have little or no control over how to meet a virgin and building a relationship with her that leads up to marriage.

There are quite a few opportunities available, such as by joining a church group or - with a bit more risk - "Christian virgin" web forums, where people of similar commitment can meet and develop relationships.

Just be mindful of folks who look superficially at virginity, i.e., that it's a "prize" instead of it representing a faith-based value system.

All that said, your conviction is commendable. If you look hard enough, I believe you'll find someone.

 

[callmeMurph]

I'd like to marry a virgin. I'm not going to make it necessary, but it would certainly be nice.

 

[mustluvmusic]

You know what? God wants what is best for us, and marrying a virgin is the utmost best. Biblically, we are to wait until marriage to have sex. The marriage bed is sacred, and I believe that God will bless your marriage even more if you abstain from sex until marriage. Now with that said, will He not bless your marriage if you fall in love, and marry a woman who is not a virgin? As long as you two remain pure before marriage, I believe He honor and bless that marriage too. Like in previous posts, we all make mistakes. We are all sinners. A person should not be condemned because of past mistakes either. If you desire is to seek a virgin to marry, then by all means pray that God will send her your way. He will honor the desires of your heart. You just need to seek Him in prayer.

My daughter is 18 - she didn't date in high school. She decided to pray and wait for God to send her a mate. She also thought she'd be waiting forever. Lo and behold, God sent her a wonderful, just and Christian man! They both are waiting to have sex after marriage, and they are both seeking after God, sharing with each other their devotions and their quiet times. AND now he's asked us for permission to court her. He wants to marry her. Says he's been praying for her all his life. He is 21 - and also decided not to date.

May God Bless You in your future.

 

[gzt]

I think it's great to be a virgin when you get married. I think you should definitely hope that your future spouse has the same sort of history. I don't think it should be a necessary condition, as you will probably find, especially as you get older, that there are many wonderful Christian men and women who, in their ill-spent youth, may not have been perfect all the time, and you might find that you want to marry one of them. I think you should also be careful about how you state your preference for marrying a virgin because it might sound like you're bartering for an object with certain properties rather than talking about a human being created in the image of God whom you relate to.

 

[Aibrean]

... if being Christian is considered "shallow" now a days.

 

[BL2KTN]

Well, you could want to be with a girl with a pure heart. That might be tremendously less shallow considering a girl who has been raped is no longer equal with you under your current viewpoint.

BL

 

[lsutiger05]

all of these are good replies thanks for the advice, bluelightning i have thought of that before and i just forgot to put that in my first submission, of course rape is different, i will pray and see what God does.

 

[LovebirdsFlying]

I hadn't thought about the possibility of rape, and now that it is mentioned, I'll say this.

IMO a girl who has been raped or otherwise sexually abused, but has not had voluntary sex, is still a virgin spiritually if not physically. Rape is not about sex. It is about power, control, and dominance. If a girl is raped or was molested as a child, and then some time later has voluntary sex for the first time, the way I see it, she lost her virginity at that later time, not during the rape or abuse.

Nobody in this thread has so far said anything I would disagree with. As for eventual marriage, I hope even a girl who has made a mistake in the past can be forgiven. Everyone being virgins on their wedding night is the ideal. It is not the real world.

 

[aldar]

I personally think making it a priority would be trivial and problematic. Is it something you could say "Yes!" to... sure if it means that much to you. But because it involves things in peoples pasts I don't think you should let it determine your bearing. That's kind of like scrutinizing peoples past which serves no real purpose except to diminish your possibilities and maybe even create a big of arrogance in ones self.

 

[Sketcher]

I think it's very logical to want to marry a virgin if you believe what the Bible teaches about sex. I'm not going to fault anybody for that. Just don't make it an unhealthy obsession.

 

[GrayAngel]

It seems hard to find the line between settling and demanding too much. On one hand, we don't want to settle for too little, but we don't want to expect so much out of out potential spouse that we never find anyone to fit our criteria.

I think it's perfectly reasonable to desire a virgin, but in this sex-crazed society, it's hard to find anyone who has not given in to temptation.

Personally, while marrying a virgin would be nice, it might not be reasonable to reject someone do to a past mistake, assuming they have repented of that sin.

(Note: to repent is not just to say you're sorry, but to "turn away" from the sin. To avoid it, and to stop engaging in it.)