Married Man & HOOTERS...

[IloveGodAlways]

Greetings, Brothers&Sisters.

I need your spiritual opinions...Should a Godly, Married man go to Hooters? This man just spent the night away from home a couple of weeks ago. His stepson came in from work one night around 11:15pm. He heated up one thing in the microwave. This man got so upset bc he said he wasn't being respected (since he had to get up early to go to work). This man--my husband then went & spent the night out. He went OVERBOARD! My son didn't make much noise. He took off his shoes & tiptoed. He even alerted me on my cellphone to open the door so he wouldn't have to ring the bell. He came in, took my other sons to the bathroom, heated up something to eat (for roughly 60-80 secs.)& went into the room. My husband left & didn't come back til the next day.

Tonight he went to pick his daughter up. He called me to say that his cell phone was about to go out & he didn't have his charger w/him. He said he was taking his daughter to Hooters @ her request. I had just asked him if he were taking her to the mall or the movies. He said he was going to "drive around" & that wherever he went, they weren't going out to eat bc we LITERALLY JUST CAME IN FROM EATING OUT AT A RESTAURANT. I've been in church all day w/our children (spiritual program for children, field trip).He then decides to go to (of all places) HOOTERS!

He goes different places & I never say anything. He occasionally hangs out w/his friends, brother, nephew, coworkers. I am pretty easy-going. In this situation, however, I think he is as wrong as 2 left shoes! I think his decision to go to this place is inappropriate. Please tell me what you think.

Thanking you in advance for spiritual advice.

 

[highlife]

I dont think hooters in and of itself is really a big issue, the women are clothed. It sounds like you guys need a vacation though. If there are other issues going on and you dont trust your husband I could see how hooters could be an issue though.

 

[Niffer]

Bleh. Hooters is such a classless place.
There really is one reason men go there - and it 'aint for the wing night.

- Niff

 

[McScribe]

It does sound like it's more about something between you and your husband. Hooters is a bit of a sideshow--what's with the restless wandering around? Something going on with him?

And yeah, Hooters is tacky.

 

[CuddlyBear]

There is no place for a married man at Hooters (or a godly unmarried one).

 

[citizenthom]

As far as Hooters in particular goes, I think for a man to be seriously tempted by waitresses at all--no matter what they are wearing--he has some other underlying issues.

As far as your post, there are obviously other things going on for your husband to have that much of a hair-trigger. Has your son done this sort of thing before--come in late and made noise? Has he been having extra stress at work? Has he been having other sleep issues? Have you been having regular sex?

Whatever it is, I'm not seeing any huge red flags here. But I think if you continue to look at whatever's going on as "me vs. him" with him being "wrong as two left shoes" he's going to continue to feel disrespected and will not actually discuss/work through whatever the real issues are with you.

Start by asking, "honey, what's wrong?" Don't run away if the answer is heated--he clearly has a lot to get off his chest. Let him, and once he's run out of steam you can probably start to get at the real issues.

 

[dorig59]

I disagree; I do see red flags here. FOA, I think he is showing a flagrant disregard & disrespect for his wife in general. Several things: if he stayed out all night, where did he sleep, or did he not sleep? And then he goes to pick up his daughter in the same clothes from the day before without brushing his teeth or anything?? Very strange.

I don't think Hooters itself is the issue and, no, he should not be going there.

I think perhaps you're a little too easygoing with him. With some men (and I guess this applies to women, too) if you give them too much freedom or are too easygoing they consider you a pushover & will take advantage of that.

 

[Just4Jesus]

My husband has never been in Hooters(well since we have been married) he himself thinks it is trash. I don't even want to go there and I am a woman. How could you possibly enjoy those wings when everytime you look up, a woman's ta ta's are hanging out and from behind it's just butt cheeks yuck! I don't even walk around my house like that.

 

[Just4Jesus]

Greetings, Brothers&Sisters.

I need your spiritual opinions...Should a Godly, Married man go to Hooters? This man just spent the night away from home a couple of weeks ago. His stepson came in from work one night around 11:15pm. He heated up one thing in the microwave. This man got so upset bc he said he wasn't being respected (since he had to get up early to go to work). This man--my husband then went & spent the night out. He went OVERBOARD! My son didn't make much noise. He took off his shoes & tiptoed. He even alerted me on my cellphone to open the door so he wouldn't have to ring the bell. He came in, took my other sons to the bathroom, heated up something to eat (for roughly 60-80 secs.)& went into the room. My husband left & didn't come back til the next day.

Tonight he went to pick his daughter up. He called me to say that his cell phone was about to go out & he didn't have his charger w/him. He said he was taking his daughter to Hooters @ her request. I had just asked him if he were taking her to the mall or the movies. He said he was going to "drive around" & that wherever he went, they weren't going out to eat bc we LITERALLY JUST CAME IN FROM EATING OUT AT A RESTAURANT. I've been in church all day w/our children (spiritual program for children, field trip).He then decides to go to (of all places) HOOTERS!

He goes different places & I never say anything. He occasionally hangs out w/his friends, brother, nephew, coworkers. I am pretty easy-going. In this situation, however, I think he is as wrong as 2 left shoes! I think his decision to go to this place is inappropriate. Please tell me what you think.

Thanking you in advance for spiritual advice.

You are a stonger woman than I. I am praying for you and your familly.

 

[waxlion10]

I think there are much deeper issues here than just, "Should my husband be going to Hooters?"

If I read the OP correctly, your husband just up and left for a night and didn't come back? Where did he go? What did he do?

His daughter *from a previous relationship??* asks him to go to Hooters, and he decides to take her... if they weren't going to eat, why did they go there?

What do you mean when you say that you "never say anything" when he goes "different places"? What kinds of places?

To answer your question, no, I don't think that a married, godly man should be going to Hooters. But I really think there are some deeper issues here.

 

[NiobiumTragedy]

Hooters is a problem? That's news to me.

I find nothing wrong with the place other than the food quality isn't exactly up to par. The women really aren't dressed that skimpy compared to a lot of other places I've seen, so I fail to see the problem here. Honestly, the only person I think whom is going overboard is OP making a larger deal about a restaurant than there needs to be when there seems to be much larger underlying issues at hand.

Unless he's there hitting on every single girl in bright shorts (all of whom I'm certain are not one bit interested in your husband seeing as they are hit on by several guys a night), then there is no real issue here to be had.

 

[Ps145]

Please tell me what you think.

Thanking you in advance for spiritual advice.

My advice is that you post a prayer request in the prayer forum, asking for spiritual growth of your husband, you, your children, unity in the marriage, and the home: all the normal things. Then I advise you to go into every room in your home, and get down on your knees, and ask God to root out every evil influence in the home, and also pray around the outside of the home. Then I advise you to pray through Ephesians and Proverbs for your husband, and maybe toss in some fasting.

Then if you're still at a loss after that, come back and I'll give you more advice.

 

[Conservativation]

"toss" in some fasting?
Sounds more like conjuring than anything else.

 

[tturt]

ps 145 good advice.

 

[IloveGodAlways]

Thank you all for your advice. Just4Jesus...thanks 4 the hugs--I appreciate them. Backatcha'-- Ps145...thank u SO much for the spiritual advice. I stay prayerful. I let go & let God. Your words/advice mean so much.

There are deeper issues in my marriage. Things had gotten better for us but there has always been an issue of control whereby my husband has made me feel that bc he's the "breadwinner" in our home (I'm a stay at home/homeschooling mommy)he can do certain things (i.e. spend the night out bc he's upset) & I have to put up w/it. He's even threatened to stop paying the mortgage when he gets upset & said that I'll be on my own. Before we met, I'd always been a strong, independent woman & remain strong--grounded in God. After spending the night out, we talked abt his treatment of my son. He stated that he would change. His making my son feel like he's unwanted has been a BIIIIIIIIIG problem in our marriage. My son tends to stay away as much as possible bc he feels like his dad always has some issue w/him, but that's another post.

We have children & I will do what I can to keep our family together, but what's unacceptable is simply unacceptable. I'm not perfect. I'm not trying to portray my husband as being this "Big Bad Man." I certainly wasn't "going overboard...about a restaurant" as a poster suggested. I just wanted the advice from my spiritual sisters & brothers. I thank you again for it. May God continue to bless you all.

 

[chaz345]

Thank you all for your advice. Just4Jesus...thanks 4 the hugs--I appreciate them. Backatcha'-- Ps145...thank u SO much for the spiritual advice. I stay prayerful. I let go & let God. Your words/advice mean so much.

There are deeper issues in my marriage. Things had gotten better for us but there has always been an issue of control whereby my husband has made me feel that bc he's the "breadwinner" in our home (I'm a stay at home/homeschooling mommy)he can do certain things (i.e. spend the night out bc he's upset) & I have to put up w/it. He's even threatened to stop paying the mortgage when he gets upset & said that I'll be on my own. Before we met, I'd always been a strong, independent woman & remain strong--grounded in God. After spending the night out, we talked abt his treatment of my son. He stated that he would change. His making my son feel like he's unwanted has been a BIIIIIIIIIG problem in our marriage. My son tends to stay away as much as possible bc he feels like his dad always has some issue w/him, but that's another post.

We have children & I will do what I can to keep our family together, but what's unacceptable is simply unacceptable. I'm not perfect. I'm not trying to portray my husband as being this "Big Bad Man." I certainly wasn't "going overboard...about a restaurant" as a poster suggested. I just wanted the advice from my spiritual sisters & brothers. I thank you again for it. May God continue to bless you all.

There are deeper issues is exactly what I was thinking. Hooters is, IMO, greatly over-reacted to. It's not what I would consider all well and good, but on the other hand it's not a half step removed from being a strip club either.

 

[JaneFW]

I also have issues with Hooters - and the staying out all night - and the mistreatment of your son. To my experience, the men who go to Hooters don't, as others have said, go there for the wings. There are plenty of restaurants that serve wings, and everyone who knows about Hooters, knows what they are getting when they go there - scantily dressed, young women with low cleavages, tight t-shirts and short skirts. Hello? It's a choice. And that choice speaks volumes about the man making the choice.

Did your h ever tell you where he had spent the night? I just find that the most disagreeable part of all. Has he done that before?

I think that his biggest issue seems to be a lack of respect of you, and your son, and of the marriage. Seems like he wants to play the bachelor, even though he's not. Sorry, but that's a big no-no for a married man.

 

[Stulos]

I dunno but it seems like you are focusing on the wrong thing. Going to Hooters, whether you like it or not, seems to be the LEAST of your concerns.

The way I understood the post, your son quietly heats something up in the microwave. This enrages your husband to the point where he leaves for the night???

Not making a diagnosis based off of such little information but that sounds like something someone with a personality disorder does. It's certainly not normal. Granted, it could be that his home/work life is so bad that he is blowing up at little things. It happens, but that's not how you made it sound.

That is a million times more serious than whether the women at the place he was eating wings showed too much cleavage.

 

[Tropical Wilds]

I was recently introduced to Hooters. Honestly, I'd never been, not because I had an issue with it but because I didn't know where one was around here. Anyway, I was told that they had the best wings in the world. I tried them and they were actually really, really good. The best in the world, probably not, but for what you pay what you get is pretty darn good. I got the cookbook while I was there and I make crazy good wings using their recipes as a framework.

As for the outfits and the girls there, honestly, I saw nothing special and in their outfits nothing that was shocking. I think the local Italian place has girls that dress far racier. I was expecting the short shorts, low cut shirts, but all the ladies at the Hooters when I went the first time were wearing jerseys and athletic shorts with knee high tube socks. The second time I went they were wearing baseball like uniform shirts and cotton shorts like you see at the gym. No clevage or butt cheeks hanging out or anything similar, not even particularly busty women. I'm sure not all Hooters are like this, but even watching Undercover Boss, the outfits you see the girls wearing on the website are not at all like what I saw any of the times I've been or what was on that show. The Hooters spokes ladies dress like that, but even the website says the spokeswomen are hired models, not Hooters girls, and they're "not representative of the Hooters experience or attire." Which makes sense because places like that have crazy strict restrictions on how a waitress is supposed to be for food safety reasons.

Regardless, I think of all the things the OPer brought up, the absolute least she should be focused on is going to Hooters.

 

[dallasapple]

As far as Hooters in particular goes, I think for a man to be seriously tempted by waitresses at all--no matter what they are wearing--he has some other underlying issues.

As far as your post, there are obviously other things going on for your husband to have that much of a hair-trigger. Has your son done this sort of thing before--come in late and made noise? Has he been having extra stress at work? Has he been having other sleep issues? Have you been having regular sex?

Whatever it is, I'm not seeing any huge red flags here. But I think if you continue to look at whatever's going on as "me vs. him" with him being "wrong as two left shoes" he's going to continue to feel disrespected and will not actually discuss/work through whatever the real issues are with you.

Start by asking, "honey, what's wrong?" Don't run away if the answer is heated--he clearly has a lot to get off his chest. Let him, and once he's run out of steam you can probably start to get at the real issues.

I completely disagree..Lets put it this way.SHE is being disprespected.It IS disrespectful to go to Hooters..And here it is again..She is supposed to go "honey..whats wrong"..and what?..Let him heatedly blow off steam on her???

Why is it that in one breath you talk about how he "must be being disrespected otherwise he wouldnt be acting this way"..But yet she has CLEARLY been disrespected by his patroning Hooters..And your advice is for her then to be the quiet respectufl one for him to in fact "blow off steam' on her which is no doubt showign disrespect again towards her?

All that in the hopes that she can get to the "root" of the problem?How do you know the problem isn't simply that he is disrespecting her and being a jerk?Sounds like there is also an element of "fear" going on like "dont upset the dad..he might blow up and run off to Hooters"..

Why is SHE the one that is supposed to stand there and "not run away" if he CHOOSES to be verablly abusive which is in a nutshell what your telling her to "let him do" (get it out..off his chest)...Hes the one "runnign away" going to Hooters..

I mean why is saying he is WRONG as two left shoes "her versus him"???..Why can't someone beleive it ..and say it outloud ..one person can be WRONG????????????????Without the person who is the target of that wrong doing being put to shame..Like they need to check themselves?Its unbelievable.Is he a man or a child?

OP..your husband is WRONG IMHO for storming off over a micorwave beeping and staying out ALL night and going to Hooters..

He is wrong as two left shoes..

(((HUGS)))

Dallas