Married couples who live separately

[Thunder Peel]

Do they get to use those cool coconut phones to talk to each other?

 

[MacFall]

Do they get to use those cool coconut phones to talk to each other?

That might change everything! Especially if there's lots of giggling.

 

[Blank123]

Do they get to use those cool coconut phones to talk to each other?

dude! I would so buy adjoining houses just so my husband and I could play telephone.

 

[Socktastic]

People share their lives in different ways, it's not an active avoidance but acknowledging that they have greater space requirements than many other people and making sure their lives reflect that so as to allow them to live in the most compatible way possible. If one or the other were not happy with the arrangement then i'd be concerned, but if both are happy then why must something be wrong?

I think for many people it would be very damaging to the marriage as it would be taken in a "they don't like me enough to live with me" way, but for some who do have needs that fall outside of the expected spectrum then it makes perfect sense. There's no point in trying to live in the expected manner if it is ultimately smothering both parties.

 

[Rhamiel]

i know a couple, the husband who works in the city but they want to raise there kids in the suburbs, so he has an apartment in the city and he works 4 days a week and the wife and kids are in the suburbs and they see him on friday saturday and sunday

 

[Oddish]

When you are married you become one flesh so living separately would not make sense. Also, there is enough problem there not being enough housing let alone if every married couple lived in separate accommodation.

If I got married and my husband wanted to live in a separate house, I would feel that I was a burden to him. Things change when you are with someone you love, you want to spend time with them and you want to experience life together.

What would happen when children come into the picture? Surely a stable family structure and unit is needed.

 

[blackjellybean]

I read an article a while back about married couples who live separately and maintain separate lives while still maintaining their marital relationship. I found it quite interesting. I thought that for someone like myself who needs a lot of space, it would be a perfect arrangement if I do get married. Apparently, the married couples featured within the article had very strong and successful relationships.

What is your take on this? Would you be interested in an arrangement like this?

My sister and her husband did this for a while, I think she just needed some time out. Or it might have been him; she was an alcoholic at the time.

Anyway, I don't think it's ideal. Marriage should be two become one, not two people living different lives. Your spouse is not your flatmate.

 

[Oddish]

If it works for them, fine. It most certainly wouldn't work for me. It would defeat the whole purpose of being married. And I do have trouble believing that everything is okay in a relationship between two people who don't actually enjoy each other's company enough to LIVE TOGETHER. Marriage is about sharing a LIFE, not just about sharing a bed, or sharing a house, or jointly raising children. I would hope that such people eventually outgrow whatever it is that is preventing them from sharing their lives with each other.

I see an attitude so common amongst people - one that feels that getting married is like going to prison. A lot of people want to stay free and single for as long as they can, just look at what a lot of stag and hen dos are like - with strippers - this is supposedly justified by it being the last night of freedom. It makes me sad that some people can have such a low view of marriage.

 

[IamStefanie]

I too, can understand why a couple would choose to live together separately, especially if they are the type of people who like their personal space. I like my space, however, part of why I desire marriage is to spend my days with someone else and not be alone. It would be weird to be married to someone who doesn't live with me. It's not a lifestyle I would opt to enter into.

 

[K9_Trainer]

I personally can't imagine living like this with my partner. We're comfortable being in each others spaces. But ff it works for them, I don't really see a need to judge their life style so harshly. People are different...We have different needs and if a couple maintaining separate living spaces is what is going to save their marriage and allow them to be happy and stable together, then I don't see how that can be wrong, or bad. It's unconventional, sure, but that doesn't mean it's wrong.

 

[septemberskies]

If I ever get married, I would like for our lives to be merged as one. I wouldn't want to separate our lives.

 

[Apollo Celestio]

Introverts need their sanctuary no ifs, ands, or buts.

 

[leothelioness]

Introverts need their sanctuary no ifs, ands, or buts.

This. Most people aren't introverts, so they don't understand our need to be alone.

 

[MacFall]

I am an introvert as well. I do not see how a need for personal space could ever translate to living separately from someone within a healthy relationship.

 

[Socktastic]

The need for separation depends on where on the introversion spectrum you fall. Some need more, some need less.
I don't think completely separate lives where you never see each other is what this thread is about, just living separate lives within the one you share: you are still sharing your life, but maintaining your own space which give you the room required to breathe.

 

[Apollo Celestio]

I am an introvert as well. I do not see how a need for personal space could ever translate to living separately from someone within a healthy relationship.

Living in a separate house could be a little extreme in a marriage situation. But I think each person needs a sanctuary within the house. I don't want to have to entertain anyone 24/7

 

[Sketcher]

I am an introvert as well. I do not see how a need for personal space could ever translate to living separately from someone within a healthy relationship.

QFT.

 

[William II]

Haven't read the thread, but living separately while married is weird as hell. Would never do.

 

[leothelioness]

The need for separation depends on where on the introversion spectrum you fall. Some need more, some need less.
I don't think completely separate lives where you never see each other is what this thread is about, just living separate lives within the one you share: you are still sharing your life, but maintaining your own space which give you the room required to breathe.

Yes. Someone who gets it. Thank you.

 

[white dove]

I read an article a while back about married couples who live separately and maintain separate lives while still maintaining their marital relationship. I found it quite interesting. I thought that for someone like myself who needs a lot of space, it would be a perfect arrangement if I do get married. Apparently, the married couples featured within the article had very strong and successful relationships.

What is your take on this? Would you be interested in an arrangement like this?

I don't understand that and if married one day, I hope to still not understand that. I think that, for me, my single life has been just that and once married, I join myself with another human being on purpose - 2 lives creating 1. I understand wanting to have some time to ourselves as individuals, sometimes with different hobbies. But, I've personally never seen a marriage where there is so much need for that individuality and a lasting, loving couple's relationship. I value my own space. I value my own time. But, having a child right now I see the difference in that family dynamic so I know for a fact that I won't have a need or desire to live apart from my spouse in that way. As my child is now my joy, if I get married my husband will be a part of my joy, as well - albeit on a different level. My family would be such a fundamental component of who I was. And it wouldn't make any sense to want to be apart from my joy. I maintain my own uniqueness, desires and needs as a woman but... if I viewed it as simply 2 separate adults having a long-lasting relationship, I'd never choose to get married to him.


If that makes any sense.