married but alone

[hkb2217]

how can i be married with a child and feel so alone. i have a spouse who says maybe 3-4 sentences to me a night, spending all his time on an internet game and facebook. He is usually on computer 5-8 hours daily. i sit in the same room with him and try to talk to him and either get ignored or worst case yelled at for interrupting his "responsibilities". Our son is 2 1/2 years old and he will try to interact with my husband and he totally ignores him. This is the saddest part of all. I have prayed on our relationship and have become more involved with a great local church, actually feel like my relationship issues have brought me back to Christ so i am thankful for that. We have had issues from the very beginning but things just keep getting worse. He maybe sitting right next to me, but he couldnt be further away. To make matters worse he laughs and giggles through all these facebook messages and one "friend" is a much younger single female he works with. i found absolutely inappropriate messages btwn the two of them confronted my husband and he said its my problem for getting upset, its like a brother and sister relationship. she messaged about having a naughty dream about him and waking up happy and he messaged her how she is just an amazing beautiful woman and any man would be lucky to have her. So instead of talking with and interacting with your wife or at least interacting with your son he chooses to live in this fantasy world. I have gone through conseling on my own since he refuses to admit he has any issues and will soon be confronting his behaviors. I want a relationship with my husband i am so tired of feeling so alone I pray that some part of him will realize that i am doing this out of love, i dont want to lose this relationship i pray that i may have strength to say what needs to be said in the most loving way possible and pray for all those individuals in relationship that suffer from any form of addiction

 

[kpfru2]

Hey i have read your situtation and i don't have any answer but i know how it feels to be with someone but not more far away, i feel like that with everyone so you definately not alone, i will pray for you, and i one thing i know is to keep praying and not lose heart. God will answer your prayer in a way that is better than you can even think or imagine.

 

[Spunkn]

Sorry you're going through that. If he is not willing to go to counseling, or listen to you I'm not really sure what you can do. Keep praying for him, and for your relationship.

He is definately not acting loving towards you, especially if you found those inappopriate messages. Those kinds of things should be upsetting to any wife, and a husband that does not respect his wife's feelings in regards to that is not loving her very well.

He needs some counseling, but if he's not willing to go, then you can't really force him. I hope the counseling is at least helping you some.

 

[Alienated]

I find it vary interesting, (vary sad) but interesting. The lack of gratitude and level of brazen disrespect he has for his family. I think of 2 Tim 3 1-5. As a single guy that's never found love I'd like to have a few ungodly words with him, but that wouldn't change anything. It's the signs of the times, and families are being attacked by the culture. I don't have any answers, as a recovered alcoholic I know threats don't work. It takes him seeing himself for how disgusting he really is to bring any will to change, it's nothing to do with you or your child. It's all about him, and it will take him distroying his life, to even want to change.
It's sad but true.

 

[1watchman]

HKB, you might try writing a note and leaving it by his computer sometime, and in a kindly and loving way suggest that the computer is "hurting our interpersonal relationships". You can speak a bit of a real need to recognize you are more than just two people living in the same house. He needs to consider that viewpoint.

Well, write me personally at my PM Profile on the site, if you wish to chat about this. Look up always, and trust God through His beloved Son.

 

[bethrow]

I can relate to this. My husband for the last 10 years has flirted and talked dirty talk to other women online. He'd accidentally leave his emails open etc. I never blew up at him over the last 10 years. All I could do was pray and talk with him gently how what he was doing was hurting his marriage. I'd end up crying he'd say sorry..then it would happen all over again.
For your husband to tell you it's your problem is disgusting. Brothers don't tell sisters they are amazing and beautiful in the way he's telling her and sisters don't tell their brothers they have naughty dreams about them.
Your husband is messing with fire...let me tell you.
My husband was talking dirty talk to some woman last year and when I saw what he wrote about what he'd like to do to her I went ballistic. I have never in my life screamed at him or told him I hated him, but it all just came out. I was furious. He's always made me feel that he doesn't love me and I told him he was selfish and all he does is hurt me. Again he said he was sorry...blah blah blah. He closed his Facebook account last May after it all happened.
A month later he had reopened a new facebook account under a different name. I said,"That is IT!!!!" No more computer for you. You can't be trusted. I said either the computer goes or your son and I go. He hasn't used the computer...as far as I know for several months.
People have said that bibilically I do have the right to leave him because he's always told me he he's never been physical with anyone else, but I just don't know. I don't trust what he says anymore. I don't want to leave him though because of our son. He is a good dad.
Your husband is selfish and if you think it can't lead to a physical relationship...think again.
He needs to stop fooling around and show you some respect.

 

[artqween]

how can i be married with a child and feel so alone. i have a spouse who says maybe 3-4 sentences to me a night, spending all his time on an internet game and facebook. He is usually on computer 5-8 hours daily. i sit in the same room with him and try to talk to him and either get ignored or worst case yelled at for interrupting his "responsibilities". Our son is 2 1/2 years old and he will try to interact with my husband and he totally ignores him. This is the saddest part of all. I have prayed on our relationship and have become more involved with a great local church, actually feel like my relationship issues have brought me back to Christ so i am thankful for that. We have had issues from the very beginning but things just keep getting worse. He maybe sitting right next to me, but he couldnt be further away. To make matters worse he laughs and giggles through all these facebook messages and one "friend" is a much younger single female he works with. i found absolutely inappropriate messages btwn the two of them confronted my husband and he said its my problem for getting upset, its like a brother and sister relationship. she messaged about having a naughty dream about him and waking up happy and he messaged her how she is just an amazing beautiful woman and any man would be lucky to have her. So instead of talking with and interacting with your wife or at least interacting with your son he chooses to live in this fantasy world. I have gone through conseling on my own since he refuses to admit he has any issues and will soon be confronting his behaviors. I want a relationship with my husband i am so tired of feeling so alone I pray that some part of him will realize that i am doing this out of love, i dont want to lose this relationship i pray that i may have strength to say what needs to be said in the most loving way possible and pray for all those individuals in relationship that suffer from any form of addiction

Hi hkb... How much bonding doed he give u and the baby? Do u have proof of his facebook inapprop. Chats/..? Can u get proof carefully? Have u discussed this with the national abuse hotline??
God plez help hkb and the baby??
May u have strength, courage, determination, hope,..

 

[artqween]

I can relate to this. My husband for the last 10 years has flirted and talked dirty talk to other women online. He'd accidentally leave his emails open etc. I never blew up at him over the last 10 years. All I could do was pray and talk with him gently how what he was doing was hurting his marriage. I'd end up crying he'd say sorry..then it would happen all over again.
For your husband to tell you it's your problem is disgusting. Brothers don't tell sisters they are amazing and beautiful in the way he's telling her and sisters don't tell their brothers they have naughty dreams about them.
Your husband is messing with fire...let me tell you.
My husband was talking dirty talk to some woman last year and when I saw what he wrote about what he'd like to do to her I went ballistic. I have never in my life screamed at him or told him I hated him, but it all just came out. I was furious. He's always made me feel that he doesn't love me and I told him he was selfish and all he does is hurt me. Again he said he was sorry...blah blah blah. He closed his Facebook account last May after it all happened.
A month later he had reopened a new facebook account under a different name. I said,"That is IT!!!!" No more computer for you. You can't be trusted. I said either the computer goes or your son and I go. He hasn't used the computer...as far as I know for several months.
People have said that bibilically I do have the right to leave him because he's always told me he he's never been physical with anyone else, but I just don't know. I don't trust what he says anymore. I don't want to leave him though because of our son. He is a good dad.
Your husband is selfish and if you think it can't lead to a physical relationship...think again.
He needs to stop fooling around and show you some respect.

May u have peace, strength,... everyday..

 

[Leigh K]

I believe I can help to a degree.

how can i be married with a child and feel so alone. i have a spouse who says maybe 3-4 sentences to me a night, spending all his time on an internet game and facebook. He is usually on computer 5-8 hours daily.

This sounds like me. I can honestly say I do love my wife.

You need to tell him seriously that you want him to spend more time with him.

I would suggest having a "no device policy" for at least one hour when he gets back from work.
If I had of done this, I honestly believe my wife would not be wanting to separate.

i sit in the same room with him and try to talk to him and either get ignored or worst case yelled at for interrupting his "responsibilities".

His responsibilities lie with his marriage and his family. I regret that I didn't spend more time with my wife and son, and I also realise that my computer is nowhere near as important as my wife feeling like she is loved.

Our son is 2 1/2 years old and he will try to interact with my husband and he totally ignores him. This is the saddest part of all.

I have been guilty of this too.

I have prayed on our relationship and have become more involved with a great local church, actually feel like my relationship issues have brought me back to Christ so i am thankful for that.

Yes, this is yet one thing God will use to fix your marriage.
I can honestly say that if my wife didn't didn't propose separation; I would easily still be making the same mistakes and nothing could have changed.

We have had issues from the very beginning but things just keep getting worse. He maybe sitting right next to me, but he couldnt be further away.

I can guarantee you that he feels like the marriage is fine because of this.
I was also blind to the fact my wife genuinely felt like I didn't love her.

To make matters worse he laughs and giggles through all these facebook messages and one "friend" is a much younger single female he works with. i found absolutely inappropriate messages btwn the two of them confronted my husband and he said its my problem for getting upset, its like a brother and sister relationship. she messaged about having a naughty dream about him and waking up happy and he messaged her how she is just an amazing beautiful woman and any man would be lucky to have her. So instead of talking with and interacting with your wife or at least interacting with your son he chooses to live in this fantasy world.

Okay, this sounds like there isn't much love making in this marriage, and he is soughting after a fantasy as a result.
This is not your fault entirely, he needs to realise that there is a lack of sex because of the fact he is neglecting you.

I have gone through conseling on my own since he refuses to admit he has any issues and will soon be confronting his behaviors.

This is a clear red flag for him that there are clearly issues with the marriage.

I want a relationship with my husband i am so tired of feeling so alone I pray that some part of him will realize that i am doing this out of love, i dont want to lose this relationship i pray that i may have strength to say what needs to be said in the most loving way possible and pray for all those individuals in relationship that suffer from any form of addiction

Okay, you still want to be with him.
Now, I could only wish my wife felt the same way as
you do.

Truth be told, I know for a fact your husband is treading on dangerous grounds and playing with fire here.

What has worked for me and made me think about my marriage is the fact my wife wrote a list of what makes her unhappy with our marriage.
What drove a nail further down my heart and makes me desire saving my marriage so much is that she has told me she has fallen out of love with me.

Your husband is a lot luckier than I am here. You still love him and want things to work.

It may be time to:
Firstly, write a list of why you are feeling extremely alone.
Secondly, propose that you two separate because of this. Don't give him a timeframe for how long you'll separate either as he'll think he can still get away with being a terrible husband.
Thirdly, if he truly loves you, he'll actually consider fixing himself up. The list you write him will give him all he needs to know how to fix his marriage.

http : / / www . christianforums . com / t7735603 / <- Here is my story

Perhaps you can tell me what husband should do to win you over and save the marriage.
I believe God brings these things to surface so we can all benefit and raise each other up.

 

[FaithInChrist27]

I'm very sorry for what you are going through. I haven't been on this site for awhile, and I had some of the same thoughts going through my head tonight and my heart has been feeling heavy. I thought I would come on here because I needed to talk to someone about it. I'll be praying for you. Just remember that your feelings are not "wrong". I remember hearing that from my husband for years. Hearing things like that for a long period of time can be toxic. Don't ever doubt yourself.

 

[artqween]

I believe I can help to a degree.

This sounds like me. I can honestly say I do love my wife.

You need to tell him seriously that you want him to spend more time with him.

I would suggest having a "no device policy" for at least one hour when he gets back from work.
If I had of done this, I honestly believe my wife would not be wanting to separate.

His responsibilities lie with his marriage and his family. I regret that I didn't spend more time with my wife and son, and I also realise that my computer is nowhere near as important as my wife feeling like she is loved.

I have been guilty of this too.

Yes, this is yet one thing God will use to fix your marriage.
I can honestly say that if my wife didn't didn't propose separation; I would easily still be making the same mistakes and nothing could have changed.

I can guarantee you that he feels like the marriage is fine because of this.
I was also blind to the fact my wife genuinely felt like I didn't love her.

Okay, this sounds like there isn't much love making in this marriage, and he is soughting after a fantasy as a result.
This is not your fault entirely, he needs to realise that there is a lack of sex because of the fact he is neglecting you.

This is a clear red flag for him that there are clearly issues with the marriage.

Okay, you still want to be with him.
Now, I could only wish my wife felt the same way as
you do.

Truth be told, I know for a fact your husband is treading on dangerous grounds and playing with fire here.

What has worked for me and made me think about my marriage is the fact my wife wrote a list of what makes her unhappy with our marriage.
What drove a nail further down my heart and makes me desire saving my marriage so much is that she has told me she has fallen out of love with me.

Your husband is a lot luckier than I am here. You still love him and want things to work.

It may be time to:
Firstly, write a list of why you are feeling extremely alone.
Secondly, propose that you two separate because of this. Don't give him a timeframe for how long you'll separate either as he'll think he can still get away with being a terrible husband.
Thirdly, if he truly loves you, he'll actually consider fixing himself up. The list you write him will give him all he needs to know how to fix his marriage.

http : / / www . christianforums . com / t7735603 / <- Here is my story

Perhaps you can tell me what husband should do to win you over and save the marriage.
I believe God brings these things to surface so we can all benefit and raise each other up.

:-/... R u serious?? He is neglecting his family?? In my opinion.. According to what she is saying here..