Marriage?

[diro]

Dunno really where to post this..thought that Friendship Court is a good place to hear opinion of other ppl...

My fiance and and I are from different parts of the world and it is quite a mission for us to visit each other because of all the visas and invitations... That's why we took rather a difficult decision to get married at the magistrate to be able to apply for permanent residence otherwise there is a big risk that I will not get visa to visit him agaim... We really love each other and everyone is really happy that we found each other....

But the thing is that we were pressed really hard to get married in church, but we both thought that this is impossible at this time. Firstly in that case my family would not be able to attend(or if we get married in my country then his family would be left out) and I would NEVER be able to do that to them... What's more at the moment i do not have a job and he works from home that means that we are not able to afford even the most modest wedding...We cant afford to rent a dress or buy flowers or anything. But we REALLY want to be together.

Now here is our motivation. We consider us engaged, though the papers say that we are married. After I get residence permit I will be able to find a job and maybe even do some studies(I cannot get a study or work visa), then maybe after a year we will be able to save some money to fly my parents in and have a little modest wedding in a church in front of God.And since then we will be married "for real". That's what we think is right and the only our choice.

But here is the question: when we get married in church will it really be a wedding or renewal of vows?

And no this is not 'marriage of convinience' since we truely love each other and having 2 celebrations(in both countries) is not an option because you can have ceremony only in one and reception in the other, and therefore either his or my parents will be left out.

But now noone wants to understand us and say that 'THAT' was our wedding day wearing jeans at the magistrate of a deserted town with 2 witnesses and nothing else.But how can that be if we are not married in the eyes of God???

That's why we want your opinion.

Thank you

 

[ebd]

I know of a couple who got married in their jeans, similar to your circumstances. The bride didn't live in that country. About a year later, they had the big wedding back home with family. I would say that I would have considered them legally married the first time when they married each other in their jeans. For the big wedding, on the church program/bulletin, at the top where their names were listed, was the title, "Solemnization" of the marriage between X and Y, but I suppose that the guests knew that this couple had already been married for a year.

I also know of another couple who had the wedding ceremony performed about 4 times...one time in Europe, another time in the bride's hometown, another time in the groom's hometown...and I don't remember why they did it again for the 4th time. The bride said that they chose to do so because they wanted to share their happiness with their relatives but knew that they couldn't expect everyone to travel with them to Europe for the first wedding.

I do have a question, which I hope that you won't consider mean or nasty...I'm just assuming that since you both were married at the magistrate...that all the legal paperwork was done in the country that you married in. Theoretically, if you both decided to break your "engagement" (as you view it), would you need to file for divorce papers in this country?

I was also thinking about some passages in the Bible about recognizing the law of the land that you live in...one of the New Testament letters...perhaps someone else can come up with the reference.

So, I think that you are married already (that you are husband and wife already), but that you are only postponing your big party. I think that is okay. I've also heard of some cases in which a couple weren't able to book the reception on the same day as the ceremony, so they were held on separate days. You will still be able to share the special ceremony with both sets of parents at the church wedding when you finally have it.

 

[diro]

The thing is that it is not about a party or celebration or reception, it is about the promise that 2 people give to each other in front of God, and not just a paper that you sign...

As in our case it was...'in front of these 2 witnesses i declare you husband and wife'...this is not about what you are wearing but about what you put in it... but with us it was here "sign here and you are married"...

 

[diro]

*bump*

 

[Iggster]

A big bonanza of a wedding doesn't make a marriage. I know some people who have paid $40,000 for a wedding and got divorced in 6 months. So if yah ask me, weddings are just to please the family. The bride and groom tends to be so stressed out after a wedding because the limo came late, or some kid dipped his fingers on the cake. Do yourself a favor and save the money to buy a home and pay for your visas. Afterall, what God has put together, let no one take apart.

 

[ebd]

I see that this thread is actually in another forum...I'm just going to say something similar to what another poster said. I think that even with the magistrate/justice of the peace, where you got "married" the first time, God was present there; He's omniscient and omnipresent. I was also thinking that because you did go through the motions of getting the legal paperwork done, that since the state/government recognizes you as being married, and since God has established government/leaders/rulers over us, that I would consider it to be something that God may have already recognized having taken place between the two of you. (I still haven't looked up the passages from the New Testament about this...perhaps someone else will find them or I'll look them up if I run across them.)

Another reason why I think that marriages overseen by the state are considered "real" is this: what about others who do not believe in Christ? Yes, some do marry in a church, but they do not believe in Him. What about unbelievers or even believers who marry at some venue other than a church? Are all their marriages invalid? I think that marriage is a gift that God can give to all humankind if people choose to enter into it, and that He is present at all weddings/marriages whether the people involved recognize Him being present there or not. The earth is the Lord's and everything in it.

Anyways, I also agree that spending $40000 on a "party" does not necessarily make a marriage. It's a party. Typically, the hard work starts after the wedding.

What I was trying to say, is that I think that God was present when you were married at the magistrate, and that you are already married. When you redo the ceremony again with your folks present, however, simple or elaborate you plan it to be, that it will still be special because you will be sharing it with people you love.