Marriage The Right Way?

[NoForMe]

I have a friend who has been dating a guy for the last 6 months, Now she is a christian and she is trying very very hard to be an excellent christian. The man she is with she has been off again and off again, but the last 6 months have been the on again. She recently had a mis-carriage (8 months ago) and he left her during that time. While he was gone she prayed and prayed and he finally came back and accepted Jesus Christ. Now he has moved in with her and they are stuggling. He doesn't want to go to church or really do anything. Whenever she gets fed up she talks to him and he really says he will try, and he does for about a week. The thing is, her pastor says they should get married now, that they will grow together by being married. I disagree, I believe it's going to cause a lot of troubles, I need som advice to Pass on, God Bless!

 

[ShetlandRose]

From what you have written, neither one appears mature enough emotionally or spiritually for a lifetime marriage commitment. The only thing a marriage would do right now is make the physical union legal. For a pastor to give advice to these to marry and say "they will grow together by being married" is insane in my opinion. So what if they don't grow, which all the signs are pointing to presently? I would have to say they both need to get their lives in order, their priorities arranged, and their hearts in tune with God. Then, and only then, in time, they could consider marriage. As I see it now, they have an unstable relationship and marriage could plunge them into a volatile one. And if children come along...my oh my...what problems and heartbreak could result.

 

[NoForMe]

I agree, But what sripture can I provide to help them with that? I do not want to see them jump into a marriage. Granted he is going to meet with the pastor and they are going to finish marriage counseling, if it's from this pastor what will that change?

 

[ShetlandRose]

Any scriptures that encourage good, common, horse sense. Hard to believe that this pastor would promote a jump into marriage given the obvious problem-laden situations. Some people would take a side to say this marriage could truly work. Of course it could--God has mercy and miracles do happen. But why tempt God? The secret of knowing God's leading is contained in Proverbs 3:5-7 -- "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make our paths straight. Do not be wise in your own eyes..."

If these two are not seasoned Christians (or Christians not completely devoted to God), they may make a mistake because they lack understanding of God's principles and leading. So that is why their pastor should be a wise counsel. Ultimately, without God's intervention, they will likely do what they want. If they can both follow the guidelines in Ephesians 5, husbands love your wives and wives submit to your husbands, there is hope. But it is all about sacrifice.

 

[sowellfan]

Ok, so she's supposedly trying to be an excellent Christian, and he's on again/off again, but she, as an excellent Christian, has moved in with him?

And the OP said that she's been dating him for 6 months. But it also said that she had a miscarriage 8 months ago, and he left her during that time. So how'd he leave her if they weren't dating yet?

Short answer, either he or she needs to move out. That's not the way to attempt a supposedly Christian relationship - she already knows that, so it should go without saying that they don't need to be living together. You want scripture references? How about anything that says that fornication is a sin?

And, just for fun, I'll post some of the script from the relevant Seinfeld episode, where Elaine was dating Puddy, and she found out that he was a Christian (and she wasn't a Christian).

New scene.
Elaine and Puddy are at Puddy's apartment.
Elaine: So where do you wanna eat?
Puddy: Feels like an Arby's night.
Elaine: Arby's. Beef and cheese and do you believe in god?
Puddy: Yes.
Elaine: Oh. So, you're pretty religious?
Puddy: That's right.
Elaine: So is it a problem that I'm not really religious?
Puddy: Not for me.
Elaine: Why not?
Puddy: I'm not the one going to hell.

[Later scene]

New scene.
Elaine and Puddy have gone to see a priest, Father Curtis.
Father Curtis: Let me see if I understand this. You're concerned that he isn't concerned that you're going to hell. And you feel that she's too bossy.
Elaine and Puddy: Yeah, that's right.
Father Curtis: Well, oftentimes in cases of inter-faith marriages, couples have difficulty--
Elaine (Interrupting): Woah, woah, woah! No one's getting married here.
Father Curtis: You aren't?
Puddy: No.
Elaine: We're just, you know, having a good time.
Father Curtis: Oh, well then it's simple. You're both going to hell.
Puddy: No way, this is bogus, man!
Elaine: Well, thank you father.

 

[fishstix]

Their best option would be to not live together (and not have sex) until they get married, assuming that they ever do get married at all. Quite honestly, it sounds like the relationship could be dragging them down and it might be a good idea for them to break it off completely.

If they insist on living together, then I guess marriage would be a better option than living in sin. However they really don't sound ready for marriage and thus they don't sound ready to live together.

 

[ShetlandRose]

People who are planning marriage should think ahead to the effect their relationship will have on their children. Usually a marriage is not just about a man and a woman but also the new lives that will be produced. The Bible says that we are to “not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” Ephesians 6:4. A child needs the love, stability, and maturity of both a father and a mother as an example for their lives. If the marriage is rocky, the children will suffer as a result.

 

[fishstix]

People who are planning marriage should think ahead to the effect their relationship will have on their children. Usually a marriage is not just about a man and a woman but also the new lives that will be produced. The Bible says that we are to “not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” Ephesians 6:4. A child needs the love, stability, and maturity of both a father and a mother as an example for their lives. If the marriage is rocky, the children will suffer as a result.

Agreed. The same goes for living together and/or having sexual relationships as that could result in pregnancy just as easily as marriage could.

 

[netal]

I have a hard time understanding why this pastor is encouraging marriage. Obviously, I don't know the whole story- and maybe that is the best answer... but I strongly believe that marriage should never be resorted to to 'solve' things.
As to the OP- I'm not really sure what you can do. Be there for your friend. You can't change her mind- but you can pray for her, and give her support and advice. Share your opinion with her- see how she reacts.

 

[Rafael]

I agree with all who can't understand this pastor's advice. I know the verse he thinks is the right answer, but it is for true believers 1 Cor. 7:2). First thing in getting prosperity and blessing into her life is to repent of fornication and rededicate her life to God. This guy sounds like a horrible choice for a mate, and by their fruit you will know them, and he doesn't sound at all like a Christian but just like a mess of trouble that will lead her over a cliff into a deep ditch....unless he repents, himself and hooks up with the Lord.
The scripture about not being unequally yoked is important. No true believer can marry an unbeliever, and it just is not a marriage that God has put together, but one done against God's Word instructing that no marriage take place. Remember, not all marriages are put together by God, and that fact gives a deeper meaning to "what God hath put together, let no man put asunder".
If she really wants to say she loves God and appreciates His love, she needs to put the fornication behind her and then pray that God will provide her with a real Christian man that will be a leader in love. Pray that the she will accept God's truth and that she will quit grieving the Holy Spirit with unrepented sin. Approach her with love and concern, and do not come off as judgmental. We are all sinners, love covers a multitude of sin, and grace aboundeth more that her sins. Help her and exhort her to put the Lord first in her life.

2 Corinthians 6:14 Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?

1 Corinthians 6:18 Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body.

2 Corinthians 12:21 And lest, when I come again, my God will humble me among you, and that I shall bewail many which have sinned already, and have not repented of the uncleanness and fornication and lasciviousness which they have committed.

Ephesians 5:3 But fornication, and all uncleanness, or covetousness, let it not be once named among you, as becometh saints;

1 Thessalonians 4:3 For this is the will of God, even your sanctification, that ye should abstain from fornication: