Marriage Separation

[Inmyweakness]

My wife and I separated this last year. We have been married for a long time. Many years ago I had two separate sexual encounters within a few months of each other. I was ashamed and sorry I did it but because our marriage was so filled with problems I never told her. Last year she came to me and confessed another man was pursuing her and she needed a relationship but did not want to commit adultery but was tempted. I really respected her for her honesty and obedience to God. We had separate rooms for years and we were pretty much roommates. We started sleeping together again and I felt like we were in love again. Now I felt like I had to tell her about what I did. I told her about the first time and she asked if it was once and I lied and said "yes". She confronted me again a few weeks later and I told her it did happen a second time. She felt she could not trust me and if I lied about just once how could she be sure I wasn't lying about it being twice (I don't blame her). She asked for a separation. She said that in "good conscience" she could not ask for a divorce. I don't understand what she meant by that, especially with biblical grounds. It was 15 years ago and yes that (not wanting to be too specific) will always be a temptation but I don't think I will ever do that again and would like to talk about going to counseling. I told her about what I did because I did not want to bring my betrayal into this new part of our marriage that looked hopeful. I started a sexual purity bible study group last week and it has already given me information that I think will help bring healing to my part of this. I enjoyed our brief few months that we were actually living like a married couple. I pray for her a lot. Just asking for prayers and healing.

 

[tturt]

Sorry to hear of this. Praying for you both.

I encourage everyone to watch "Marriage Today" on Daystar. (Sundays).

Plus their website marriagetoday.com/category/tv-episodes/ has probably 60 free episodes including "What a man really needs" and 'What a woman really needs" by Jimmy Evan's ministries. All teachings are Biblically based. Plus there's books, videos, etc. He was recently interviewed on Joni: Table Table for 4 sessions about his book "The Four Laws of Love." Think those can still be viewed.

There's hundreds on youtube.

 

[DLovingBrother]

Keep on praying, and I will pray for you this week. It is good that you got connected to a sexual purity bible study group. Get some counseling from a pastor as well, initially just for yourself, then your wife and then together. You need to keep pursuing restoration while there is still hope.

 

[Nathalie Shirailey]

I'm sorry to hear about this brother. I'm praying for you for the Lord to sustain your marriage. That God will make it turn around and make all things work together for your good. Meanwhile, I have just released a book on marriage feel free to check it out via this link https://www.amazon.com/dp/B08ZW6N7HY I'm sure it will be a great help and blessing to you. Looking forward to your honest feedback. Thank you in advance for your support brother. God bless

 

[Avniel]

Just a bit of advice, I think one of the reasons I don’t fall to temptation is because I don’t allow myself to be tempted, I flee it.

 

[SCarneal]

I'm sorry it has been so hard. I'm new here and reading your story makes me ache for both of you.
It has been many months since this post. How have things gone since?
I'm praying for you both, even though I don't know either of you. God will know, of course, who I'm praying for.
I hope there have been blessings and reconciliation since your last post.

 

[Inmyweakness]

I'm sorry it has been so hard. I'm new here and reading your story makes me ache for both of you.
It has been many months since this post. How have things gone since?
I'm praying for you both, even though I don't know either of you. God will know, of course, who I'm praying for.
I hope there have been blessings and reconciliation since your last post.

We are still separated. She is going to a church (9marks affiliated) that is very controlling and the pastor wants to be present in our conversations and I don't believe wants us to reconcile. Keep praying for us. God is in control. I thank you all for your prayers.

 

[SCarneal]

Wow. I'm so sorry. That control piece is key. Today I got so tired of everything, so broke, I gave up control. All of it. To God.
Your words show trust in his control. I feel my faith is not as strong as yours. Your perseverance is inspiring.