Marriage problems

tturt · Jul 3, 2022

Sorry that this is happening. Understand that you're exhausted.

Think 70% of husbands don't see stuff that needs to be done.

He sounds totally overwhelmed, too.

Encourage you to watch "Marriage Today." Their website marriagetoday.com/category/tv-episodes/ has probably 60 free episodes including "What a man really needs" and 'What a woman really needs" by Jimmy Evan's ministries. All teachings are Biblically based. .Additionally, there's hundreds of "Marriage Today" episodes on youtube.

pdudgeon · Jul 3, 2022

Annie-May said:
He gets angry with me and will raise his voice even if our son is in the room. It’s always that I’ve done or not done something. He says he will do ‘so and so’ then often doesn’t follow through.

That sounds like frustration to me; like he feels out of control over what is happening, but he doesn't know how to address that concern.
What might be helpful is for you to quietly make a list of the concerns that he raises, and see if they have a common area of concern for him.
For example, is he worried about money problems, does he feel that the two of you need more time together? Is he worried about what kind of Dad he will be to your son, or that he's not getting enough time with you?
All of the above are very, very common problems for new dad's, but maybe he feels selfish for his feelings, which is also very common.
Becoming a Dad, and working out what kind of Dad he will be in his son's life, can be scary at times.
And for those problems, he needs an older man to talk with, because he would be embarrassed to share those problems with you.
Just a thought..

SDTexas2022 · Jul 25, 2022

Annie-May said:
Hi, I’ve been married 9 years and after years of fertility problems and treatments we have finally been blessed with our wonderful son.

I noticed our marriage has been getting worse since I fell pregnant. My husband and I used to share household chores and spend time together and although he has always been overweight he was motivating himself to get fitter so we can enjoy more activities together. Since I fell pregnant he was less and less interested in keeping fit and now has developed pre-diabetes, he is the heaviest he has ever been and isn’t interested in improving his diet. His father died recently of diabetes and this hasn’t made him think of taking responsibility for his health and making changes to make sure he is around for his son. He is tired constantly and spends almost all free time on his iPad. He uses tv as his go-to when with our son and never suggests taking him to the park or any activities. He does sometimes play with him and that’s lovely to see but I wish he did it more often.

Everything seems to be my fault in the relationship and I now arrange all the household cleaning, organising and manage finances apart from he deals with his car and takes the bins out and will go to the shops. I feel like he is a guest in our own home and I can’t talk to him as he gets angry. I am worn out, I realise I will be at fault in areas but it surely cannot be all my doing? He doesn’t seem a very Christian husband and has changed since we married. If he was like he is now when we met I certainly would not have married him. Is there a way to save our marriage?

He sounds depressed i.e. health non-compliance (basically self-harm), appetite issues, low motivation, uses Ipad/TV as distractions, poor hygiene, and irritable. Did he seem to have pre-existing symptoms or did it all happen say after the birth of your child, loss of of his father, etc? Whatever the cause or catalyst though, we can't force people to seek help. I'm a firm believer in using prayer, anything is possible with God, but also counseling, and meds are not to be shunned if needed. I know it's exhausting and frustrating to be directly affected by something you can't control. I'm in a similiar situation in that I've done all I can to do to do my part in fixing the issues, but my husband absolutely refuses to budge in any way. I'm dealing with very abusive narcissistic stuff. When you have exhausted every avenue and it becomes a very unhealthy environment, then give ultimatums and go from there. Obviously, if you feel there is or will be physical harm, get out safely. I've been in some intense counseling this year, and the "Boundaries" book series by Dr. Cloud/Townsend have been tremendously helpful. They have not changed my husband at all. If anything, it's worse, but it has helped ME. All you can control is YOU.

Prayers for you and your family.

Marriage problems

tturt

Senior Veteran

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pdudgeon

Traditional Catholic

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SDTexas2022

formerly "ByHISway"

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Marriage problems

tturt

Senior Veteran

pdudgeon

Traditional Catholic

SDTexas2022

formerly "ByHISway"

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