Marriage problem please help

[almondeyes]

my opinion really is that it's not my business who my dh has slept with before me, and it's none of his business whom i've been with. this is my 3rd marriage because the first 2 cheated on me my husband does know that much, i was sexually abused as a child he knows that to. i've told him everything he needs to know about me. has he told me everything? i don't know, do i care no i don't. i know alot of people that hold others pasts against them so it's really better to keep it hidden. just my opinion

 

[believer12]

I do not agree with almondeyes.... A marriage is a union you are to be completely open and honest in. Don't hide anything.

 

[almondeyes]

and i don't agree with you who says we have to divulge everything from our past? where in the word does it say anything about that? do you know how many people will use your past against you? i do it's been done to me even my current dh has said i probably enjoyed it as a kid granted yes he was mad at me at the time but if i never told him i would not have to worry about him saying that, get it?

 

[stonehands]

I want to thank you all for your opinions and support through this tough spot in my marriage.... I love that my wife felt so safe in our relationship now that she was able to come clean about everything in her past.... It just suprised me because I didn't expect what she told me.... I don't think she was warped sexually because of her past experiences but that she made a few mistakes that she regretted badly.... She told me that it was just one time with each guy and that she was just longing for someone to love her.... she didn't have a good relationship with her mother and her father was abusive to her mother and her siblings.... she was the youngest and he never really abused her... he is a recoving alcoholic now.... She said she didn't really want things to happen and that they were all older guys and she was just very passive and would do things that people expected or wanted of her.... now she is very strong in her convictions of never doing anything that people demand of her... you can't tell her that she has to do things or else she will completley be turned off and want so much more not to do it even if it is the best thing for her.... I mean as far as someone offering advice if her mother tells her she has to buy this or pay this bill first or whatever.... she will go the opposite way if you try to force things on her..... I feel horrible that she was taken advantage of in her youth and I have tried to be there for her.... I needed to know that she wasn't just sleeping with whoever for whatever reason.... I just see who she is now and don't want to think that she was ever any different.... She has forgiven me for wanting to know and we had a long discussion about things and we are so much closer now than we've been this past couple of years I can't help but think I did the right thing now.... We have given each other a clean slate and have started over.... I have prayed so hard for God to let me see her as He does and now that I am over the initial shock of things I see her as perfect and spotless.... I never felt like I was being compared to other men because I know how much my wife loves me and would never do that.... I now know that she was taken advantage of by older guys and now I'm just working on myself not hating every guy I see.... I just think that any man that would do that to a young girl like that is dispicable.... My wife is so strong willed and I love her so much that I never want to hurt her again... we are definitely healed of this struggle and I am much happier now

 

[selune]

I am so glad that you and your wife are getting closer, and that good has come from a difficult situation. Blessings to you both.