Marriage is hard work :(

[Messy]

Is he autistic or something? If not, maybe you can go to supernanny. She fixed a marriage like what you describe in a few weeks, but he was willing to coöperate, otherwise they'd divorce. She was done with it, but she had some things herself too which made him not want to help.

 

[mkgal1]

It really feels like I cannot take anytime for myself if I do I'm behind, for example if I sit down when he gets home from work I'll be behind with dinner, I have lunch when the kids nap I'll miss out on doing some of my housework, it's exhausting and no matter how organise I am it's always not organised enough.
I wish I could clone myself lol

One thing I'd suggest is to let go the idea that you *have* to be well organized (if I'm understanding you correctly). IMO.....caring for yourself takes precedence over being well organized.

 

[razzelflabben]

It really is a matter of him not understanding what it's like, I try to put myself in his shoes all the time but I really doubt he puts himself in mine, I know it's the stage in life we're at and it'll pass and we'll look back at it in fondness... but it's so infuriating! Yesterday he must have sat on the couch watching sports all day! I didn't sit down till 10pm.
It really feels like I cannot take anytime for myself if I do I'm behind, for example if I sit down when he gets home from work I'll be behind with dinner, I have lunch when the kids nap I'll miss out on doing some of my housework, it's exhausting and no matter how organise I am it's always not organised enough.
I wish I could clone myself lol

when our kids were those ages, I was on the go so much, that when I did sit down, my feet hurt so bad I could barely walk. (My husband was working all the time so that we could survive, long story) My husband who was a runner, told me that the symptoms were those of a runner putting in too many miles.

I had no one available to help, so it all fell on me. My husband was willing when he could, so I was blessed in that, but he was always working to try to keep food on the table (literally, very low paying jobs) No real point, just wanted you to know, there are those who understand at least some of this.

 

[ciaomamma]

Slowly getting better, I want my family to be happy, we are blessed with wonderful healthy children and we love each other I just have to keep reminding myself!
Last night he helped out a bit then we switched off the tv and had a chat about our day which was really nice.
We were both in a good mood, and even tho he had a terrible day at work he managed to shake it off before he got home.
I definitely can relate that it's a phase and most young families experience this, hopefully the good vibes keep on coming

 

[razzelflabben]

Slowly getting better, I want my family to be happy, we are blessed with wonderful healthy children and we love each other I just have to keep reminding myself!
Last night he helped out a bit then we switched off the tv and had a chat about our day which was really nice.
We were both in a good mood, and even tho he had a terrible day at work he managed to shake it off before he got home.
I definitely can relate that it's a phase and most young families experience this, hopefully the good vibes keep on coming

may your family know peace.

 

[Odetta]

Marriage is hard work, yes. Even with spouses who love each other, are committed to each other, and are willing to do whatever it takes to make the marriage succeed, it's still really easy in the living of life to start taking each other for granted, getting caught up in daily stress, and such.

DH and I have what I consider a strong marriage, but we've done marriage counseling in the past when I began to see red flags in how we were treating each other, to nip bad habits in the bud. It was really beneficial, and we learned tools that we were able to use on our own the next time those red flags showed up.

I'm glad to see that you two were able to work through this, it seems. Diligence is key, because each stage of life brings it's own challenges. A good bible study or devotional on marriage may be good to do as a couple, to keep you grounded.

 

[MLEN]

I know what you mean about wishing to clone yourself. I sometimes wish there were 3 of me: one for hubby, and one for each of our two children.

Three tips that helped me a lot:

1) Take a break in the midst of mess: For example, a deep bath as soon as kids are napping or in bed for the night. NO cleaning, just relaxing. The mess will not go away, but at least you will have rejuvenated a bit to deal with it the next day.

2) Forget Dinner: Except for preparing a meal for your kids, tell hubby you are exhausted and order pizza or let him choose a frozen meal (which you purchased a selection of in advance just for such days).

3) Set An Example of Taking Care of Yourself: Do things to show that you too need rest, peace, relaxation and a mental break. I remember joining a ballet class at the age of 40! It was such fun for me. I always prepared dinner on those nights and promptly left for class. By the time I got home kids were sleeping and hubby was glad I was home. Heap of dishes, but they got done next day or sometimes hubby washed them. When you show others that your needs are important to you, then they begin to follow suit and help you get what you need.

Will be praying for you as you tread through this rough patch. Remember, your husband may not be able to understand, but that does not mean he does not care. Just that he cannot relate to your daily experience.

 

[Inkachu]

Having been a single mother who worked full time for over 11 years, I have NO sympathy for men (or women) who work and then come home and act like helping with the kids or the chores is just sooooo taxing and exhausting and they just can't do it (insert whiny voice here). I had a full time job and was a full time mom, and let me tell you, the job was a PIECE OF CAKE compared to mothering!

Of course, a lot of it depends on how much of yourself you're willing to invest in your child. Sure, you could give them a frozen dinner and sit them in front of the TV or the XBox and then pop back in a few hours to tell them to go to bed. That's not parenting. And it's not very taxing. Parenting means you're involved in your kids' lives, every aspect of it, every day. You involve yourself in their thoughts, their dreams, their worries, their struggles, their potential, their habits. You teach them every minute of every day, whether it's while you're fixing dinner or giving them a bath or helping with their homework. Your entire life revolves around their well-being, their health, their safety, their growth. THAT is parenting. And THAT is hard. It means when they hurt, you hurt. When they're sad, you're sad. When they're sick, you don't sleep a wink. They are never NOT on your mind. You're thinking about them and worrying for them and praying over them when they're in bed, when they're at school, when they're at friends' houses. You will be drained physically and emotionally. And it's the most important and worthwhile "job" in the universe.

 

[Inkachu]

Slowly getting better, I want my family to be happy, we are blessed with wonderful healthy children and we love each other I just have to keep reminding myself!
Last night he helped out a bit then we switched off the tv and had a chat about our day which was really nice.
We were both in a good mood, and even tho he had a terrible day at work he managed to shake it off before he got home.
I definitely can relate that it's a phase and most young families experience this, hopefully the good vibes keep on coming

It's going to be a cycle of ups and downs, just like any other aspect of life. Don't expect the feel-good stuff to be constant, so when a rotten day comes along, you won't be thrown off your feet and into despair. Hold these good days in your heart, they'll help you through the bad ones! If you stick it out and perservere, the good days will come around again Hopefully, eventually, the good days will vastly outnumber the bad ones!

 

[CounselorForChrist]

Having been a single mother who worked full time for over 11 years, I have NO sympathy for men (or women) who work and then come home and act like helping with the kids or the chores is just sooooo taxing and exhausting and they just can't do it (insert whiny voice here). I had a full time job and was a full time mom, and let me tell you, the job was a PIECE OF CAKE compared to mothering!

REminds me of my mom and dad again.

My dad will come home, shower, change and sit on the couch mos of the ti just watching tv until he goes to bed. My mom chews him out for it because when she asks him to do something sometimes he will have that "huffy" look on his face. So my mom tells him "Don't give me that you look. You just come home and watch tv all day after work. You have NO idea what its like on my end. My job never ends. Even when I can watch tv I am cutting coupons, paying bills, working on something!"

Which usually results in silence from my dad. Sometimes he will say to me when shes not up or is out "It doens't matter if I put away the dishes, vacuum and do the laundry... she never is happy." Which I sort of dodge answering him because doing the dishes doens't somehow equal the work my mom does.

Although to be fair because of my moms past where she was abused in many ways by her father, she has a never ending urge to be appreciated. So she joins tons of groups, works on tons of projects. Then complains when she can't do something at home like paying a bill on time. So my dad says she needs to stop doing a million things if she has no time for them. She doens't prioritize things and tends to fluff off the things at home in order to help others.

The both have issues as you can see. Still if I were my dad I'd never tell my mom how hard my day at work was. Women are under appreciated who are at home moms/house wives. THey get paid nothing an work 24/7.