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Marriage gets criticism, but it's easier than friendship with same sex

Discussion in 'Married Couples' started by kdm1984, Jun 30, 2020.

  1. kdm1984

    kdm1984 LCMS Lutheran

    United States
    I seem to be in a minority with this view and experience, but it's very much been the case with me.

    When I was in my teenage years, I figured I'd probably have to get married. While I wanted to be the Apostle Paul's ideal and remain single (1 Corinthians 7:34), I found out I couldn't really do it. I'd see good-looking guys and want to touch them all the time. The only way to deal with that, and avoid fornication, was to get married to one. :)

    I've read and heard so many negative things about marriage in both secular and Christian culture. You see things like angry feminists and angry MGTOW incel types, and it amazes me how much animosity there can be between the sexes (usually the women complain about the men being distant or violent, and the men complain about the women hating sex or not being submissive). I also see people mock marriage, say it doesn't suit the 21st century or some nonsense, or I hear about horror stories of bad marriages. But meanwhile, you always see things like motherhood get put on a pedestal. Not wifehood, but motherhood. Even friendships seem to get more respect than marriages.

    But I've never had an especially close female friend. And I haven't had the bad experience with marriage that I read and hear about so often. I spend far more time with my husband than any other person. But we also spend lots of time doing our own things alone at home. We've mastered the art of togetherness while also carving out our own spaces.

    The few friendships I have somewhat maintained with other women, I notice these women are all very systematic. I don't make friendships readily with more traditional women. They find me very difficult to understand, and I find them difficult to understand. Best just to remain distant.

    Marriage is better too because the rewards are better. A handsome husband is exciting and makes me tingle all over. No female friendship can replace that. :) There are things that go on (or are at least supposed to go on) in marriage that simply cannot happen between same-sex, heterosexual friendships. So those kinds of friendships will never be as interesting or rewarding as marriage.

    Such has been the case with me throughout my adult life. Since this is not the typical case, it's hard for me to see the perspectives of other women, who usually don't see things the way I do regarding these matters.
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  2. thecolorsblend

    thecolorsblend If God is your Father, who is your Mother?

    United States
    If I wasn't a Christian, I honestly don't think I ever would've gotten married.

    What I'll say tho is that the institution of marriage seems to be doing better these days. Millennials are now the largest generation and we're not getting divorced in the same numbers (so far) as the Boomers and Gen X did.

    Mind you, the other way of looking at it is that fewer of us are getting married now but that's beside the point.

    The point is that as a heterosexual man, there's nothing quite like being around my wife, listening to her laugh or talk about her day or that stuff. As you say, there's not a friendship in the world that matches that. So in the end, getting married was the right thing to do.
  3. JackRT

    JackRT Well-Known Member Supporter

    Sounds like you have a great marriage!
  4. jacks

    jacks Er Victus Supporter

    For me my marriage and same sex friends both are good to have and fill very different needs. My wife is number one and I"m closer to her than any of my friends. However, there things I do and talk about with my friends that my wife wouldn't understand or at least wouldn't be interested in. So I don't see them as competing relationships rather complimentary relationships. I like having both.
  5. Paidiske

    Paidiske Clara bonam audax Supporter

    I'm happily married to a really good man, but marriage is hard work. Especially once children come along!

    In contrast, friendship seems easy. Perhaps because in friendship I can set my own boundaries, and interact with my friends as much or as little as I want, and in ways that work for me.
  6. Rugged Cross

    Rugged Cross Member

    United Kingdom
    UK - SNP
    I have been married for nearly 34 years and still believe that this one of the best I have ever done. Friends are good to have, it's up to you how deep a friendship goes. As long as they don't try to interfere with my relationship with my wife they can be friends but otherwise get lost. As human beings we need companionship of both sorts, the deep personal love of a wife or husband and then there's the relationship with others, you can just chat, discuss problems etc that you can't discuss with the other person in your life.
  7. christine40

    christine40 Well-Known Member

    United States
    neat thing about girlfriends, can easily chat for an hour
    about anything & everything

    tough to get a husband to just "chat" for a hour
    attention span not there for anything & everything, lol
    Last edited: Jul 8, 2020 at 11:30 PM