Marriage directly after college?

[Malachi425]

It's only the beginning of July and already I've had three emails from my sorority sisters telling our chapter that they are engaged to be married right after their senior year of college. I go to a small engineering school in Indiana and it's not uncommon for lots of students to get engaged their junior or senior year. I knew of at least 7 couples that got married this summer after graduation from just my chapter and not including the rest of the school. Is this normal at most colleges? I'm only going to be a sophomore in the fall, but I feel like there is pressure to be engaged or have that guy you plan on marrying before you graduate! Sometimes I think my sisters are too young to be getting married at 21 and 22. Any thoughts?

 

[acropolis]

i think that's too young as well, for most people. i really don't know why anyone would be in such a hurry to settle down before they've had much of a chance to live life on their own.

 

[DeathMagus]

Major life changes (high school-college, college-career, no kids-kids) almost always change the dynamic of a relationship. Sometimes relationships that were incredibly strong in one dynamic simply can't survive the shift to another. I think having a handle on most of these changes prior to marriage is a good thing. What's the rush, anyway? If the person's really your dream come true, with whom you'll be married forever and ever, why wouldn't they be around 3 years later or so to marry you then? Take your time.

 

[rock_show_host]

What's the rush, anyway? If the person's really your dream come true, with whom you'll be married forever and ever, why wouldn't they be around 3 years later or so to marry you then? Take your time.

On the flip side, though: if the person is your dream come true, and you two know you're meant to be together and going to married, what's the point of dawdling for 3 years? Especially if you've already been together a long time.

 

[DeathMagus]

On the flip side, though: if the person is your dream come true, and you two know you're meant to be together and going to married, what's the point of dawdling for 3 years? Especially if you've already been together a long time.

Because the 50% divorce rate in the US suggests that half the Americans who get married are unable to accurately gauge the long-term viability of their relationships. Certainly some of this inability is caused by not enough experience with a partner before marriage. Half the people who "know they're meant to be together" are wrong, so additional discretion can't hurt. Since major lifestyle changes very frequently lead to changes in relationships, it is prudent to put a period of major successive lifestyle changes (aka - high school, college, new job) behind one's self prior to making a major commitment such as marriage.

 

[BlueJ]

Well, who's to judge whether or not a relationship will work out or not or whether the couple is meant to be married. I believe that getting married after college is not such a bad idea. For one, at least they have a goal in life in terms of finishing college and pursuing their careers. I believe once they have their jobs they have already establish a financial credit. They have a education so soon they will have a job thus they'll make income. Within a year or two they'll have a nice place for their own maybe just a rental, but at least their on the right track, right? Well, like I said who's to question love?
If two people are mature enough and they are both educated with their heads on straight, then it's ok to get married in their 20's. I mean we're talking about a couple who wants to get married after college, and that being said College can pretty much help a person to take on a lot a responsibility. College helps us take on better and bigger task, however I don't speak for everyone. Many can't handle marriage therefore they should not get married. I for one would like get married after college, who cares about the statistics on the divorce rates in the U.S.
My life rest in the hands of God not numbers. If I fall in love with someone, then of course I will take my chances and live life the best way I can. That all sounds fun to me.

 

[EspressoDuck]

Alright folks, get ready for this-
I am currently eighteen, entering into my sophomore year of college, and there is a pretty good chance that I will be engaged by the end of this year, and married before the end of next year.
My former roommate, on the other hand, who is actually a little older than me, is single and can't see herself getting married for many years.

Case in point- everyone is different. There is no "right age" to get married. True, people are waiting longer and longer to get married nowadays, but I believe that a big part of that is the simple fact that living together before marriage is the norm, and so what is left to do except hold a ceremony and sign some papers?

I know that there is no practical reason for me to wait another three years to get married. I know without a doubt that my boyfriend is the one, and waiting a super long time seems pointless. I have already resolved to make sure that I graduate college in a timely manner. And no kids before I've got my English degree.

Everyone's different...

 

[acropolis]

for what it's worth, i have not spoken to a single married or divorced person that has endorsed getting married young; the message is always that while some couples survive, most don't, and it's much harder to go through the early 20s while married. people change so much during that time since they are developing their identities as adults that it is likely couples with change apart from eachother.

 

[EspressoDuck]

Again though, I just want to stress that maturity levels and levels of "readiness" differ dramatically from couple to couple. I am fully aware that when I do get married, it is not going to be easy or constantly enjoyable. But I am prepared to deal with that, and we have already made the agreement that the word "divorce" is not in our vocabulary once we are married.

My parents got married (and are still happily married) when they were the age that me and my boyfriend are now (18 and 21, respectively) and we are actually going to be a year older than that. I have an aunt and uncle that got married at 16 and are still together (although I will admit that their circumstances were major exceptions, but it does show that it can work.) On the other hand, I have an aunt who is currently on her fifth husband. Honestly, I won't believe anyone who tells me that there is a "right" age to tie the knot. If you are sure that you're ready on all spiritual, physical, mental, and emotional levels, you're in a place in your life where you can manage to do it financially, and you have prayed about it extensively, does your age really matter that much?

 

[DeathMagus]

Again though, I just want to stress that maturity levels and levels of "readiness" differ dramatically from couple to couple. I am fully aware that when I do get married, it is not going to be easy or constantly enjoyable. But I am prepared to deal with that, and we have already made the agreement that the word "divorce" is not in our vocabulary once we are married.

I'm sure most couples about to marry are absolutely certain that they will never get divorced.

My parents got married (and are still happily married) when they were the age that me and my boyfriend are now (18 and 21, respectively) and we are actually going to be a year older than that. I have an aunt and uncle that got married at 16 and are still together (although I will admit that their circumstances were major exceptions, but it does show that it can work.) On the other hand, I have an aunt who is currently on her fifth husband. Honestly, I won't believe anyone who tells me that there is a "right" age to tie the knot.

Of course there's no "right age."

If you are sure that you're ready on all spiritual, physical, mental, and emotional levels, you're in a place in your life where you can manage to do it financially, and you have prayed about it extensively, does your age really matter that much?

It's demonstrable that the accuracy of one's marital certainties tends to be proportionate to experience, and therefore to experience's corollary, age.

 

[EspressoDuck]

It's demonstrable that the accuracy of one's marital certainties tends to be proportionate to experience, and therefore to experience's corollary, age.

How much experience would you personally suggest? In my mind I am envisioning a definite line past which you know for certain that you are old/experienced enough, but that seems pretty unrealistic.

 

[DeathMagus]

How much experience would you personally suggest?

I don't really know of a way experience can be measured. I do know, however, that people tend to change a lot during the transition from high school to college, and from college to career. I personally would like to get those major changes out of the way before committing to someone for life, lest we grow apart as the transition affects us differently.

In my mind I am envisioning a definite line past which you know for certain that you are old/experienced enough, but that seems pretty unrealistic.

Probably.

 

[EspressoDuck]

Okay, I understand what you mean.

So what we need is an experience-o-meter. It takes your blood pressure and within five minutes you have a detailed printout revealing whether or not you're mature enough to get married. I'll get right on inventing that...

 

[DeathMagus]

Okay, I understand what you mean.

So what we need is an experience-o-meter. It takes your blood pressure and within five minutes you have a detailed printout revealing whether or not you're mature enough to get married. I'll get right on inventing that...

I'll take twelve!

 

[acropolis]

it's like getting a tattoo: just think about what you would have put on your body 5 years ago. now, it would probably seem pretty dumb. sorta the same thing with who you marry. i was a completely different person at 18 and would probably now hate whoever i would have picked at that age.

 

[K9_Trainer]

It's not totally official yet, but most likely, I'll be getting married about this time next year to my year younger boyfriend. At that point in time, I'll be 19, he'll be 18. He'll be a freshman in college, I'll be a junior. So it looks like I won the "who's getting married youngest" contest

And I'll end it at that because anything I say further to try to prove it won't end in divorce is just going to sound stereotypical or naive.

 

[EspressoDuck]

Hey, I'm right there with you K9. There's a good chance that I'll be nineteen as well when I tie the knot with my beau. I understand not wanting to sound naive about divorce, but it is what it is. There's a fifty percent chance- either you will, or you won't. There are a million factors that come into play to influence that decision, and they go beyond age.

Oh, and I have a tatto that I love....pretty sure I'll love it in five years, too. (And the funniest thing is that the other day I was in a public restroom and an old lady came in and saw my tattoo and turned her ankle towards me to show me that she had one very similar that she probably got when she was my age. She was a firecracker, it was so fun to see.)

 

[deepgreen11]

I've been wondering lately where I'll be in three years when i'm done with undergrad degree. Do you think things would be complicated by graduate (medical) school and a residency? By the time I'm done with those I'll be almost 30, and I know of a resident that is happily married...

No one's on the horizon right now, (at least I don't think so?) but I've been wondering how it will be when I'm in med school...what if I met an amazing person, became their best friend, and marriage was a consideration in that relationship? What would I do? I honestly can't see myself waiting until I'm 30 just because of school. I mean, if there's no one there, fine. But...?

 

[MrsSeptemberPenguin]

A couple of my friends just got married last week. They've been together 3 years, and are high school sweethearts. I think getting married that young is good for some and others need to wait till their older.

We also got into a discussion why it seems that Christians tend to get married younger. Most people say its because they want sex, but she made a very good point. The fact of the matter is most Christians know who they are in Christ at a younger age and don't feel the need to venture out and "figure out who they are" because they already know who they are in Christ and that's enough. I think a lot of people do get married right out of college or during college because they believe they have found the person they want to spend thier life with so why wait? Many would argue the financial aspects, which is fine. There are lots of reasons not to get married young, but there are still lots of reasons not to get married when you're older too. It's kinda something that you have to make that decision and stick to it, regardless of your age, and like every action in life there is a consequence. I think each person needs to take their situation to God, and work it out with Him. It's not really anyone's place to say who shouldn't or should get married and when...

 

[Saucy]

HI Kristy!! We're gonna miss you on staff!! Ok, back on topic...my best friend is 30 years old and still single. He's a good looking guy with a great job at GM and a architect degree from Lawrence Tech. He is trying to break into the architect business, but is having a hard time finding jobs like the rest of Michigan. He's the most "Christian" and respectable man I know with many females swooning after him, but he's taking his time. He has watched all of his friends from high school and college immediately get married and EVERY single marriage is having terrible difficulties almost to the point of divorce. I myself have seen couples "in love" just get married at the first opportunity.

But fact is, the leading cause of divorce in this country is financial difficulties. My friend Steve is not waiting because there aren't any good suitors, but because he wants to find a good stable job and pay off all his debts from college and things. With marriage inevitably comes kids. Kids are often brought in the picture whether mom and dad are ready for them or not (remember that the only perfect method of birthcontrol is abstinence ) With kids comes the bigger house and family sized sedan. $$$$$. Today more than ever it requires both mom and dad to work in order to pay the bills. On and on and on.

So there's more to think about before getting married than "I love this person." It's typically a LOT harder to be in college and be married. A friend of mine got married a month or so ago and when her fiancee asked her dad if he could propose, dad clearly warned him..."If you marry my daughter, she becomes you're problem." Translated that means daddy no longer pays for college or pays her bills. It becomes the husband's responsibility.

My friend Steve has a good head on his shoulders and I think he's doing it the responsible way. I personally don't think I want to wait to thirty. I'll probably marry the first girl who's crazy enough to stand me. At 25 some of you may be responsible enough financially and mature enough to be married or have good paying jobs that you know you won't lose in a few years.

But honestly, people fall in love and get married. They don't really care if they're ready or not or capable or financially well. I think hormones keep people who are in love from thinking straight lol! Ok, that was a joke. Only you can know when it happens