Manners

[Laurie919]

I really think that people have just stopped teaching their kids manners.

We were sitting in the yard eating crawfish Friday night. This little girl comes and just stands over me, so close I can't even eat because I was worried about throwing juice on her.

Then she asked if she could eat. I would die if Taylor just invited herself to eat with someone else. Her friends mom said she has to make Taylor eat when she is at her house and that Taylor will NEVER ask for anything. So, at least I have taught her that.

The night before we were at a friends house eating crawfish we had walked in the house for a minute and the kids had roamed off. When we got back outside there where three kids (one of the same ones) eating our dinner.

I have told Taylor not to walk outside anymore with anything to eat or drink because when she does there are 7-8 kids ringing my door bell asking for the same thing she has. It drives me nuts.

 

[Laurie919]

Then they don't even ask in the right way it is normally "I can have ____?"

 

[3girls2dogs]

I have the same problem. I swear, sometimes I feel like I'm feeding the whole neighborhood.

 

[RedTulipMom]

Yes, unfortunately its true and lots of kids haven't learned manners from their parents. We live in a day where there are lots of changes and not all are good ones. The thing is we can't blame the kids for what their parents don't teach them i guess.

Have you thought of nicely trying to explain to these kids that what they are doing is considered rude?

 

[OrangeHope]

WOW how rude! At least you know you taught Taylor good! Kids these days (lots of them) seem to be growing them selves! When this baby is born I will make sure he/she knows very well what manners are....I would die too if my child ever did some thing like that!

 

[Laurie919]

I have told them that it is rude. It doesn't do any good. I just can't get over how bold they are at their I wants.

 

[Linnis]

Yes, it seems parents don't teach their kids much in the way of manners these days. It also seems kids just seem to expect things - it's very odd.

 

[TexasSky]

I'm sitting here wondering if these people feed their own children.

I have visions of "A Child Called It" in my head. (His mother deliberately starved him.)

 

[Birbitt]

TexasSky I thought of the same thing when I read this post. I remember growing up there were two little kids near us that their mother put them outside first thing after breakfast and didn't let them back in until dinner time. Not for anything...so everytime they had to go to the bathroom or needed a drink they came to our house and asked my mother. She always let them use the bathroom and she always gave them something to drink, and most of the time she gave them lunch as well (the only time she didn't was when we weren't home at lunchtime). I don't send my kids outside with food either, except popsicles because they make a mess with them and I'd rather not have that mess on my carpet. We also have two neighbor kids that ask for everything they see. I usually tell them to go ask their mommy to give them some since I know the kids and their mother and she's just too lazy to get up and fix the kids something so I tell them to go ask her and usually she gets it for them and then complains that I should have just given them some of what my kids had.

 

[JulySheMustFly]

I'm sitting here wondering if these people feed their own children.

I have visions of "A Child Called It" in my head. (His mother deliberately starved him.)

I was wondering that too. The one little girl who has since moved away used to ask for food first thing. One day I really didn't have anything (it was a difficult time for us) and I told her if she wanted a snack she needed to go home. Her response was heart breaking. Needless to say I made one apple work among 4 kids.

I use the same technique with other people's children as with my own. If they ask for food and don't ask with manners, "May I please have xyz?" they are asked to try again. If it isn't a time that we typically eat I give them the same answer as I do my kid's. "Sorry, but our kitchen is closed right now. Snack is in x minutes/hours."

 

[heart of peace]

How do you teach manners and social norms to your children in your home? I remember reading somewhere that a higher score on Social Intelligence tests are a better predictor for future success in life than one's Intelligence Quotient.

It is not an easy thing to teach as it is more of an abstract concept, which varies from culture to culture. A child has to be able to "read" body language, which can be quite difficult for a 3-8yr old to grasp. I know some adults that are unable to do this well, actually.

 

[Laurie919]

Taylor has made dixie cups to sell. Every time these certain kids see someone else with one they come ring my doorbell with "i can have a dixie cup". I always want to say I don't know can you.

 

[Laurie919]

Taylor went out with a jar of peanut butter and spoon the other day. She came back in about 10 minutes later fussing because someone took it from her. She had been eating out of it. Now, I don't mind that but you would think anyone else would.

 

[OrangeHope]

Taylor went out with a jar of peanut butter and spoon the other day. She came back in about 10 minutes later fussing because someone took it from her. She had been eating out of it. Now, I don't mind that but you would think anyone else would.

Ewwww....ummm yeah you really wouldn't think any one else would. I remember in kindergarten we were taught not to pass things around - GERMS!

Geez Laurie the kids in your neighborhood are so strange

 

[pmcleanj]

When the children take their tea outside, it's always to the private back-garden where they can picnic without being seen by passers-by. I was taught that it's bad manners to eat on the street or infront of other people, and I've taught the children the same nicety. It solves the mooching problem.

Not that I've ever minded inviting people to join us for lunch or tea if they happened to drop by. But with so many children having severe allergies nowadays, it's better to know their parents first and be safe.

I've never actually had problems with neighbour children's bad manners, probably because as with JulySheMustFly, I discipline all children the same way I do my own (positive discipline is wonderfully liberating that way). Tell children, politely and respectfully, how you want them to behave, and they will usually bend over backwards to please you, possibly from exuberance over the novel concept of being treated respectfully by an adult outside their family.

Now, adults are another issue -- how do you say politely and respectfully to your brother-in-law "in this house, we don't leave the table to check the game in the middle of the main course," or "I do understand that you need to wipe your fingers on the tablecloth after you've used them to push your peas onto your knife, but could you do it discreetly enough that my children don't notice and think it's acceptable?"

 

[Laurie919]

Ewwww....ummm yeah you really wouldn't think any one else would. I remember in kindergarten we were taught not to pass things around - GERMS!

Geez Laurie the kids in your neighborhood are so strange

Don't know if they ate it or not but they took it.

 

[Laurie919]

Oh and we were on our porch eating the crawfish, the only place outside we have to eat. They really aren't something you want to eat in the house.

 

[appleofhiseye]

Now, adults are another issue -- how do you say politely and respectfully to your brother-in-law "in this house, we don't leave the table to check the game in the middle of the main course," or "I do understand that you need to wipe your fingers on the tablecloth after you've used them to push your peas onto your knife, but could you do it discreetly enough that my children don't notice and think it's acceptable?"

Oh My! lol!

 

[Adela]

That is rude, but they might be genuinely hungry. It is obnoxious though when children are so imposing with asking for things. I've never at any point in my life felt comfortable asking for something.

 

[Neenie1]

That is rude, but they might be genuinely hungry. It is obnoxious though when children are so imposing with asking for things. I've never at any point in my life felt comfortable asking for something.

I was thinking the same thing.

I guess if you know the family and know they have money to feed their kids then it is different.