manipulation

[mina]

Recently I attended a Beth Moore conference. It was amazing. She made the statement that whatever we manipulate inorder to get love, we probably won't get to keep it. Meaning, if we try to get someone to love us, be it a parent, a friend , or romantic, it will not last probably. She used the example of Leah, who begged God for a baby sos that Jacob would love her or form an attachment to her. She had like five sons and still Jacob didn't love her.

I have a friend from HS who married a man only b/c she got pregnant, and she admits she used that to get him to marry her. She thought it would force him to love her and now they are divorced, and the baby is 2. I also know people that used their body or their looks or their charm or sex to get someone to love them. Do you think that sometimes that could turn out ok, with no repurcusions? In the area of romance , do you agree with Beth Moore's statement, that probably if you manipulate someone to win their affections more often than not you will not get to keep them?

 

[NicelyAged]

I believe Beth's right.

As far romance goes, you can't make someone attracted to you. A hot bod, or sex can gain a lot of short term success. And I suppose in a minority of cases, that could turn in to something lasting, but usually, the success is only short term.

Manipulation requires bodyguards, meaning you have to be constantly manipulating to protect the original manipulation...............sheez, that was a brain teezer. The same is true for lies or people that propagate falsehood. You have to continually manufacture new lies to hide the original lie.

As far as charm goes, I wouldn't put that in the tools of manipulation box. Some people just inherently have charm and charisma, and the fact that these qualities gain them more success than average does not mean these people are manipulating.

 

[the_man]

If they don't love you as is, nothing is going to change that.

 

[BlackRain]

i definitely agree with her! my best friend is doing that with her boyfriend. it's so hard to watch. they've been dating for 2 years and she still feels like she has to always look good and that she has to make him want her by doing stuff. it's just sad. no one is meant for that kind of relationship. you shouldn't have to make someone like you by doing whatever. i probably should talk to her..

 

[Evie1980]

I think that Beth is right though it is some good food for thought. I know that I have been guilty of trying too hard in a relationship. I thought that if I was better and I did more then the relationship would last! It lasted for a long time (2 and half years) and then it was over because I changed and decided to do something for me. I am still trying to come to terms with who I am and trying not to make myself "better" in the eyes of others. My hope comes from the Lord who knows me and loves me regardless.

 

[Honibee]

Great food for thought, MIna. No one wins when manipulation enters a relationship.

-H

 

[JPPT1974]

Manuipulation is like being lead to temptation. Or doing something that you are either forced to do. Or that you don't want to do. You shouldn't do things that people want you to do. Or force you to do like slavery.

 

[Linx]

I think NicelyAged really hit it straight on. One manipulation is just going to force you to manipulate more to continue on. It's a situation that's set up for hardship, even if it does result in long-term commitment. I also love what Evie1980 said about finding her hope in Christ rather than in other men. I feel like I had more to say, but I think everyone said it already.

 

[vibrant]

if you try to force a relationship through seedy means, unsteadiness would define the relationship.

psalms 1:

blessed is he who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked or stand in the way of sinner or sit in the seat of mockers. but his delight is in the law of the LORD and on his law he meditates day and night. he is like a tree planted by streams of water which yields its fruits in season and whose leaf does not wither. whatever he does prospers. not so the wicked. they are like the chaff that the wind blows away

 

[mina]

Do you think there are always repercustions in one way or another or do you think manipulative relationships might sometimes work out? Don't worry i'm not planning on manipulating anyone, i'm just asking b/c i'm curious. In the case of my friend from HS, he did love her for a little while in the marriage even though he did just marry her b/c she was pregnant but it was not lasting. Do you think anything born out of manipulation is doomed to not last or do you think that there can sometimes be times when it works out or will there always be bad things that follow even if they happen much much later?

 

[NicelyAged]

Well,

I guess you can't say something will ALWAYS result in a certain way. I'm sure you can find an instance out there in the world where someone used manipulative tactics and things worked out for the long haul, but the odds are against it.

 

[Sketcher]

Conventional wisdom would say that either the relationship will not work out or it will undergo a painful period of transition. That's what I read anyway.

 

[TheDatelessLoserX2]

This concept works the same way with guys who try to "bribe" women into liking them (maybe if I do things, buy things, be a niceguy). If there is no gut level attraction/connection then the relationship will tank, doesn't matter how spiritual they are. Personally I think manipulation might work, but the results will not be as quality as one where there isn't manipulation.

 

[Evie1980]

God is contol of all. I read a story in the Christian Women online magazine about a couple that really only got married due to pregnancy. With the help of the Lord and counselling they managed to take a terrible marriage that wasn't lasting and make it a beautiful, loving and caring relationship. So it always reminds me of me favourite verses "With man this is impossible but not with God. All things are possible with God" Mark 10 v27.

With God anything is impossible. He can take the good from the bad.

 

[JPPT1974]

God is contol of all. I read a story in the Christian Women online magazine about a couple that really only got married due to pregnancy. With the help of the Lord and counselling they managed to take a terrible marriage that wasn't lasting and make it a beautiful, loving and caring relationship. So it always reminds me of me favourite verses "With man this is impossible but not with God. All things are possible with God" Mark 10 v27.

With God anything is impossible. He can take the good from the bad.

That was an awesome story. Turning something bad into something good. I am glad that they got married and had the baby and got into counselling.