Mania and impared judgement

[Lucis]

Do any of you live with guilt and shame from manic episodes where you just totally lost control in one way or another?

I really question myself if what I am at the moment (stable mood) is the real me and that things in the past has been caused by illness and therefore explain (but sadly: not excuses) the extreme changes in behavior that I had, specially before I started on mood stabilizers - or if I am really just a total weirdo that is pretending to be normal and nice.

 

[bipolarbear]

I know not to make big (or even little ones that alter things too) choices when I am off... Easier said than done though... I have regrets from bad choices... I think we all just need to learn how to manage throught that unbalanced time, and learn to deal with the choices, bad or good... Your not alone...

 

[Alive again]

I understand what you are saying. When I first got on the right med , it took quite a while for me to get used to this more outgoing talkative me, I spent most of my time in depression prior to that so "normal" did not feel "normal" for me I had to learn that my normal involves all those parts of me and my illness, and to learn where was the safest place for me to be and how to take care of myself as my moods chamged so that I coudl live with myself at all times.

 

[dark struggle]

Yes, I do regret what I do when Im manic, expecially if I hurt someone rather it be physically or with words. I often think of all those times before and after my meds and I do feel guilty, I can never shake the guilt and how horrible I feel for the things that I have done. When I was in high school, I could no longer deal with the guilty feelings and so I tried everything that I could thing of (except for gun becuase had no way of getting one) to commit suicide....I failed, it didn't matter what I did. So I found that cutting was a way of punishing me for hurting others. I deserved it because of what I had done and every time I cut I felt better, it felt good. Now I have to deal with that too.
Jesus is the only one whom can take the pain of guilt that we feel, we can't do it on our own so we have to learn to lean on him and when we get these urges or feelings the best thing that I have found was to pray like theres no tomorrow and read my Bible, then I get on the phone and call a friend until Im calm enough and ok enough to go. Im sorry you feel so unnormal, thats how I felt for so long, until I met this P whom actually listened to what I had to say and then came up with the right diagosis for me. Before that I didn't feel human I felt so dead and confused and blah and well Im sure you know. I will be praying for you and hope that you continue to fellowship with us and be apart of our forum because we would love to have you

 

[tommyfade]

Yes. When I am manic I do and say irrational things.

Then after my high I look back and am horrified and what I did.

At times, then I hit a low and become depressed because of my actions.

It's like a never-ending battle.

 

[bsd31]

I don't know that I'd call it impaired judgment as much as I'd say it is irrational decision making. For me my judgment is just fine, but despite what I accurately judge to be the right thing I'll often be irrational and do the wrong thing. From my understanding impaired judgment would indicate an inability in the decision making process. The other BPs and myself I know have no problem with the process, but most of us are horrible at the follow through.

 

[Brinmar]

I can't figure out why I did the "crazy" stuff I did while manic. Didn't hurt anybody - or myself, but still feel guilty. The strange thing is that I go to work everyday and work with people who are far more "unbalanced" than I am. I'm the "sane one" here! It baffles me, I'm the BP here holding down the fort - and my co-workers are crazy!