Making decision without consulting the other half

[Fivesenses]

Hi everyone, I'm soon to be married in a few weeks time. Of course I'm excited/happy but at the same time, it is getting quite stressful and busy because we had a short engagement (so wedding planning and renovating the house at the same time). My question is whether this is worth something to bring up in a conversation with my fiance - the reason I'm hesitant is because I don't know whether it's because he is under tremendous stress that these issues have arisen.

I do sometimes feel disrespected when he makes an important decision (that can potentially affect me/us) without my input.

For example, things to do with housing arrangement and work - extra hours or saying yes to new commitments that would affect us as a family after our wedding/marriage.

Am I overreacting or is it normal to feel like I'm sometimes not being taken into consideration? As in, he is still functioning under the "single" mentality, making decisions without really considering how we are a team now and that the relationship is probably going to take a higher priority as a married couple than just dating (we had more time to ourselves, more freedom to do things in our own time and being independent). I'm unsure whether I should bring this issue up now or wait it out to give him more time and space to transition from un-married to married (he is quick to apologise and sincerely desires to do the right things in God's eyes so I'm very reassured he won't just become defensive or anything if I talk with him calmly and lovingly).

This is not the first time I've told him about feeling upset when he just goes ahead with a decision without my input and yes he has been trying to change...so I'm thinking whether it could be stress getting to him and he is just not thinking that clearly...

 

[A_Thinker]

This is not the first time I've told him about feeling upset when he just goes ahead with a decision without my input and yes he has been trying to change...so I'm thinking whether it could be stress getting to him and he is just not thinking that clearly...

It takes time to adjust to being two instead of one.

He seems to understand what's needed, and is willing, ... but, likely, needs time to make the adjustment.

BTW ... this adjustment will continue into your marriage. The two of you will LEARN to function as TWO who have become ONE ...

 

[shrinking_violet]

I don't think you're overreacting. It's fair to say that operating under the "single" mentality is an understandable default for him AND that not being considered upsets you enough that it needs to change. Sometimes these things aren't either or but actually both and.

You don't have to put up with being treated like this. But also keeping the gentle, patient attitude about it will serve you well in getting this issue solved.

If you've already talked about it and he wasn't defensive about it, it might be time either before the wedding or shortly after, to bring it up again. Sleuth out more information about how to fix this problem. What does he think yals can do to remember to value your input in team decisions? Does he need more concrete reminders at the time of important decisions? Is there a daily practice that can help? (If he does a daily devotional, adding a prayer for loving and showing his soon-to-be wife some respect might be something to consider.) Are there other minor areas where this sort of behavior shows up that can be worked on first?

Yals are going to be a team and you're going to come across problems. You've got to work as a team to solve them. Adopt a mindset that problems that you have are things you can share with your partner. Good luck!