Make Me Laugh for blessings

[suzybeezy]

50 Blessings for the first ten entries that can make me laugh! That simple. You can post a joke, a picture - whatever, just as long as it's funny.

No back to backs, please, to give everyone a fair chance.

 

[Harpuia]

One of my personal favorites:
A highly timid little man, ventured into a biker bar in the Bronx and clearing his throat asked, "Um, err, which of you gentlemen owns the Doberman tied outside to the parking meter?" A giant of a man, wearing biker leathers, his body hair growing out through the seams, turned slowly on his stool, looked down at the quivering little man and said, "It's my dog. Why?"

"Well," squeaked the little man, obviously very nervous, "I believe my dog just killed it, sir." "What?" roared the big man in disbelief. "What in the hell kind of dog do you have?" "Sir," answered the little man, "it's a little four week old female puppy." "Bull!" roared the biker, "how could your puppy kill my Doberman?" "It appears that your dog choked on her, sir."

 

[LienShen]

The Artist
Little Bobby was spending the weekend with his grandmother after a particularly trying week in kindergarten. His grandmother decided to take him to the park on Saturday morning. It had been snowing all night and everything was beautiful.

His grandmother remarked..."doesn't it look like an artist painted this scenery? Did you know God painted this just for you?"

Bobby said, "Yes, God did it and he did it left handed."

This confused his grandmother a bit, and she asked him "What makes you say God did this with his left hand?"

"Well," said Bobby, "we learned at Sunday School last week that Jesus sits on God's right hand!"

 

[McDLT]

This one was on the Baptist/Anabaptist forum and it made me laugh

Mildred was the church gossip and self-appointed monitor of the church's morals, kept sticking her nose into other people's business. Several members did not approve of her extracurricular activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence. She made a mistake, however, when she accused George, a new member, of being an alcoholic after she saw his old pickup parked in front of the town's only bar one afternoon. She emphatically told George and several others that everyone who saw it there would know what he was doing.

George, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment and just turned and walked away. He didn't explain, defend, or deny. He said nothing. Later that evening, George quietly parked his pickup in front of Mildred's house....

and left it there all night.

 

[suzybeezy]

Those were great!

 

[McDLT]

Here's another funny one:

A burglar enters an house in the middle of the night, in order to... well, do his job. The thief begins stealing stuff, but then he hears: "Jesus is looking at you!"

Frightened, he looks around, but sees no one and returns to stealing. The voice talks, again saying: "Jesus is looking at you!" and then he moves to where it came from. He notices a bird's cage with a parrot, and guesses he must have been the one talking.

He asks the bird: "So what's your name, big guy?", to which the parrot answers "Holy Spirit".
Confused, the thief asks "What kind of fool would name his parrot Holy Spirit?".

The parrot answers: "The same who would name his rottweiler Jesus".

 

[Melethiel]

From http://www.reverendfun.com

 

[Harpuia]

Every year, Smitty and his wife Martha went to the State Fair. And every year, Smitty would say, "Martha, I'd like to ride in that there airplane." And every year, Martha would reply, "I know, Smitty, but that airplane ride costs ten dollars, and ten dollars is ten dollars."

This one year Smitty and Martha went to the fair and Smitty said, "Martha, I'm 71 years old. If I don't ride that airplane this year I may never get another chance. "

Martha replied, "Smitty, that there airplane ride costs ten dollars, and ten dollars is ten dollars."

The pilot overheard them and said, "Folks, I'll make you a deal. I'll take you both up for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say one word, I won't charge you, but if you say one word it's ten dollars." Smitty and Martha agreed, and up they went.

The pilot performed all kinds of twists and turns, rolls and dives, but not a word is heard. He even does a nose dive, pulling up 15 feet above the ground, but still not a word. They land and the pilot turns to Smitty, "By golly, I did everything I could think of to get you to yell out, but you didn't."

Smitty replied, "Well, I was gonna say something when Martha fell out, ...but ten dollars is ten dollars!"

 

[suzybeezy]

 

[believer4God]

here is 10 laughs out of101 Ways To Annoy People

1. Sing the Batman theme incessantly.

2. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual massage."

3. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."

4. Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeep Bip..."

5. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.

6. Amuse yourself for endless hours by hooking a camcorder to your TV and then pointing it at the screen. <

7. Speak only in a "robot" voice.

8. Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.

9. Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will "swipe your grub".

10. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 98 copies.

 

[ToxicBex]

 

[suzybeezy]

You guys are great!

 

[Quijote]

Did you know that 90% of all automobile accidents are the fault of men? It's true, they let their wives drive

 

[Elrond of Rivendell]

just read my profile and try not to laugh

 

[JustMandy]

My daughter (4) and my neice (almost 3) were playing Wizard of Oz. DD had an imaginary oil can and was playing quietly in the back yard. All of a sudden DN came runnning around the corner and snatched the "oil can" screaming "I have your oil can! I have your oil can!" She laid down on the ground clenching tightly to the oil can underneath her. DD screamed and ran after her. She grabbed 2 fistfulls of flesh and would have started the fight of all fights if my Brother In Law hadn't walked over to them and calmly pulled out another "oil can" he just happened to have in his pocket. Both girls were satisfied and peace was restored to the back yard.

 

[lillybug0514]

Ok so I know the game is over now.... but I wanted to share this anyways

It made me laugh.... enjoy

http://www.snopes.com/photos/animals/lioncut.asp

 

[puppy]

that will teach him to overload the cart

 

[Fire Of Zion]

Oh, its over? darn.... oh well...i wanted to share this anyway.

Adam was talking with God one night in the garden. He smiled and said, "God, why did you make Eve so beautiful?"
God replied, "So you would love her."
Adam nodded and thought for a moment. "But....why did you make her so stupid?"
God looked at him and replied, "So she would love you."

(No offense to you guys! )

 

[shamulover]

10 Pennsylvania Crazy Laws
<>You may not catch a fish by any body part except the mouth.

<>Motorized vehicles are not to be sold on Sundays.

<>You may not catch a fish with your hands.

<>It it illegal to sleep on top of a refrigerator outdoors.

<>You may not sing in the bathtub.

<>Fireworks stores may not sell fireworks to Pennsylvania residents.

<>A special cleaning ordinance bans housewives from hiding dirt and dust under a rug in a dwelling.

<>Dynamite is not to be used to catch fish.

<>Though you do not need a fishing license to fish on your own land, but a hunting license is required to hunt on your own land.

<>Any motorist driving along a country road at night must stop every mile and send up a rocket signal, wait 10 minutes for the road to be cleared of livestock, and continue.

 

[suzybeezy]

I loved all the entries! Thanks for taking the time to make me laugh. I hope you all enjoyed a good laugh sharing in everyones contributions.

Game Over