Maintaining Relationships

[leothelioness]

So, how difficult is it to maintain a relationship? Looking from the outside in it seems like it's pretty difficult. With all the talk about compromise and giving people their space in a relationship, not being too clingy, etc., just sounds like it would be impossible, but some people seem to handle it very well and have very good relationships.

So, how do you maintain your RL and how much work goes into it?

 

[pressonfortheprize]

I think the more important question is if our relationship with our significant other is the next-most-important relationship in our lives besides our relationship with Christ, and if not, what will it take to get it there, keep it there and keep it growing. We tend to protect and care for the things we value the most, and unfortunately I'd say that the reason so many relationships fall apart, marriages especially, is that people don't value them enough to do whatever it will take to keep those relationships growing and becoming stronger. My fiancee and I call each other at all hours of the day and night because right now our schedules are all over the place, at it's really crazy to try to find time for each other, but because we value each other and our relationship, we're doing our darndest to make things work. We're looking at where we're at, where we want to be, and then figuring out what it will take to get us there and not letting anything stop us from getting there. We don't always know exactly when we can carve out half an hour on some days to be able to talk, but we find a way to do it. The thing we've realized--and really, this has been a reminder for me as well with regard to my devotional time--is that we find the time to do the things we want to do. And if we're not finding time to do certain things, apparently those things just aren't as important to us as other things. But my fiancee is important to me, so I will do whatever it takes to spend time with her.

 

[Luther073082]

Well it is and it isn't.

For me there is really no complexity to it. I'm spoiled because Melissa is an easy girlfriend/fiancee to have. No major problems or addictions, she isn't too clingy nor does she ignore me.

Now the difficulty comes in that in a relationship like this it takes up a lot of time. Even with LDR we spend a lot of time talking. (If we where short distance it would be dating) On top of that there are the visits every 2 months. Now I enjoy this time with her, I enjoy every minute of it. But you do have to try to work them in a lot more then anyone else. And this goes double for her because she is usually busier then I am.

There is also of course, especially for guys a higher monitary commitment.

Also espeically if you get engaged there needs to be a committment to work any lifestyle differences out with someone and come to a comprimise.

 

[Windmill]

So, how difficult is it to maintain a relationship? Looking from the outside in it seems like it's pretty difficult. With all the talk about compromise and giving people their space in a relationship, not being too clingy, etc., just sounds like it would be impossible, but some people seem to handle it very well and have very good relationships.

So, how do you maintain your RL and how much work goes into it?

Well I mean, quite seriously, its not exactly difficult. As long as you treat the relationship like a real thing and not some big show. People that have these problems like "Oh they're being too clingy!" and that destroys their relationship? They were probably both pretty immature to begin with and went into the relationship with skewed ideas on each other, what a relationship actually is and probably didn't have a very solid foundation.

I mean its like, OK. You essentially just care for each other, right? And share, experience, love, each other. This is what you do in a relationship. You essentially just share your life with the other person, and they share theirs with you too.

You're both real people. So if one of you is upset by the other persons actions, you tell them. You tell the other person your personal needs. And so then, they help you get those needs. If you need more time to yourself, you tell the other person, and so you, together, make sure you have that need met.

Its all pretty basic stuff. Its not exactly complicated.

 

[Beauty4Ashes]

Any healthy relationship takes some work to maintain, including our relationship with God. I would say the biggest things are time, trust, communication, and humility(which also encompasses compromise and a willingness to change and grow) But that doesn't mean it has to be hard. Relationships have ebbs and flows. Sometimes everything is as easy as pie and other times a bit more trying. But I would say it's well worth the work, and you are investing in something with your time and effort.

 

[The Nihilist]

Seriously, it's not so hard.

 

["Mazz"]

The first thing is good communication. You must be able to express yourself to your SO and also at the same time have an open ear. Also be honest no matter what.

 

[Blank123]

i think what can be the hardest (and yet most fun - confusing i know ) is learning about the other person. How they deal with stress, how they express their love and affection for you, how they respond to different things can be trying, especially if you respond in a very different way. it can be hard to connect. but thats easily taken care if the couple is committed to communicating their struggles, desires, fears, etc...

i know that was one of the hardest things for me to deal with in the beginning of my relationship. in the beginning he was very flirty and very attentive but after a few months he just stopped. And when i asked him why he explained that he was extremely stressed with some stuff going on in his life at the time so he was preoccupied. I didn't even know he was under stress because when he's *really* stressed he doesn't like t talk about it, I just figured he had lost interest in me. Had we not talked about it, that could have meant a very quick end to the relationship. But once i knew what he was struggling with and where he was coming from it made things much easier for me to accept and deal with.

so yeah communication and taking the time to really understand one another is key in good times and bad.

 

[Beauty4Ashes]

i think what can be the hardest (and yet most fun - confusing i know ) is learning about the other person. How they deal with stress, how they express their love and affection for you, how they respond to different things can be trying, especially if you respond in a very different way. it can be hard to connect. but thats easily taken care if the couple is committed to communicating their struggles, desires, fears, etc...

i know that was one of the hardest things for me to deal with in the beginning of my relationship. in the beginning he was very flirty and very attentive but after a few months he just stopped. And when i asked him why he explained that he was extremely stressed with some stuff going on in his life at the time so he was preoccupied. I didn't even know he was under stress because when he's *really* stressed he doesn't like t talk about it, I just figured he had lost interest in me. Had we not talked about it, that could have meant a very quick end to the relationship. But once i knew what he was struggling with and where he was coming from it made things much easier for me to accept and deal with.

so yeah communication and taking the time to really understand one another is key in good times and bad.

 

[latteda]

Any healthy relationship takes some work to maintain, including our relationship with God. I would say the biggest things are time, trust, communication, and humility(which also encompasses compromise and a willingness to change and grow) But that doesn't mean it has to be hard. Relationships have ebbs and flows. Sometimes everything is as easy as pie and other times a bit more trying. But I would say it's well worth the work, and you are investing in something with your time and effort.

Excellent post.

It takes some work to keep things healthy, but at the same time, it comes naturally to want to invest in the relationship. It's kind of a paradoxical thing, really. You give up quite a bit, but it's totally worth it and there's a part of you that is satisfied by continually giving to another person's needs.

Sometimes it is difficult. Other times it seems incredibly easy. But for me so far, good times or bad, I've never once questioned if it was worth it and I've never once wished things were different.

 

[explodingboy]

I'd go with the ebb and flow comment,

you work through the hard times and then enjoy the good times, really all you need to maintain a relationship is commitment and the rest will come naturally.

 

[Windmill]

My boyfriends comment: "If you're having to "maintain" your relationship, you're probably not in a real relationship. Me and Sarah don't "maintain" our relationship. We're just two people that really really enjoy each others company, and so have an intimate relationship. "Mainting" a relationship makes it feel very articial- like you're having to work to make two things that don't work fit" - Or something of the effect! Sums up my thoughts as well.