Madness

[broken mach1ne]

I believe I'm beginning to lose my sanity and my religion has played a big part in it. I can't find what meaning my life has. I can't completely believe in God since I can't understand how he was created. How was any of this garbage created? I hate people that don't believe in God as well as those who believe in religions beside Christianity. I'm a walking paradox, I know. But I can't help but to wonder on the outskirts of sanity to find the answer that maybe only the insane know.

I hate being alive. I hate happiness. I hate sex and pleasure. It's a sin to me to enjoy a second of life. I live in complete misery every day of my terrible existence. I hate life. I hate people and just want to be gone and away from the world forever. I hate everyone and everything. I've been asked numerous times why I don't commit suicide and I honestly don't know why I don't. Anything is better than this world of the ungodly and wretched people. I attempted two years ago.

I have nothing to look forward to except the end. I admire people who have killed themselves and don't blame them. In fact, I'm happy for them since they no longer have to deal with all of this [wash my mouth][wash my mouth][wash my mouth][wash my mouth]. My psychologist is a moron and my parents can't comprehend my "problems". So what am I then? Am I a blasphemer, fool or both? If God loved me he'd strike me down where I stand.

 

[Trinai]

Hmm.
Why are you of the opinion that God would have to be created?
Sorry.
Why do you hate people who don't believe in God?
I'm not quite sure I understand why you feel this way.

 

[broken mach1ne]

How is God just there? He must have had a beginning. I can't grasp something as large as God. I hate people because they're something to hate. I need something to hate to take out my frustrations of living. I don't care if I'm here tomorrow.

 

[broken mach1ne]

Every moment I slip deeper and deeper into my depression, sinking, losing the light. I'm going to Hell. End of story. I wish God never invited me to this party of emotions and substance. It wasn't my choice to come and if I could do it again I wouldn't. I'd stay nothing and no one in the timeless nowhere in which God exists. I become so detached from everything anymore. I know my life will end very sadly.

 

[Trinai]

Alright. I'm going to tell you something I learned a while ago.
You do not need to understand everything. You don't need to understand everything about God. You don't even need to understand why anything is going on in your life.
All you need to do is put your trust in God. That's really what He's asking for, don't you think?

 

[Blessed-one]

moving this to struggle forum.

 

[Auntie]

broken mach1ne,

I can remember a time in my life when I thought like you do. But you must understand, you're thinking is all wrong. Your frustration is just overwhelming you. Trust me, if you will be patient with yourself, you will one day love your life! I hope you have told someone that you are feeling suicidal. If you haven't, then please tell someone, tell your parents how you feel. Are you taking any anti-depressants? Suicide may seem like the answer, but it is NOT the answer. It is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. It's like dropping out of school just because you made a bad grade! You don't give up on yourself, you keep trying and things will get better.

 

[Blessed-one]

Trinai is right.... remember that we are only humans, how can we possibly understand God's mind and His origin? it's beyond our perception, unless He makes it clear to us. Besides, we have enough to cope with trying to understand His character alone. God is love, but how often we struggle with this one single concept!

suicide won't solve the problem, suicide only brings in more disappointment and grief, maybe not for those who've died (but you know where they go to), but for those still living, there'll be a big scar. Often it is said that people suicide because they do not have hope, because they do not know what to do..... but God does love you, broken mach1ne, and that is all that matters. He loves you and wants you to walk your life with Him. Where's your strength and will to live and fight the current? where's your strength and will to live a full life? The answer rests in God alone, if only you open your heart and let yourself be loved in return.

I'm praying for you, as Auntie said, don't give up, with God, there's always hope and a chance for renewal. *hugs*

 

[ZiSunka]

broken mach1ne, sweetie, you've got all the classical signs of clinical depression. Depression is caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain that causes the brain to misfunction. It's not your fault nor God's fault, it's just a little medical problem that is easily treated with medicine.

Go to a good doctor and get appropriate treatment and your spiritual problems will go away, too.

 

[VOW]

To Broken Machine:

I'm going to echo Lambslove, almost word for word. Print out on paper all that you've posted here, and hand it to your psychologist, your parents, and your family doctor.

Hon, you haven't been abandoned by God. You are SICK, you have a physical illness that is just as real as the flu or a broken leg. And it is this illness that is blocking your ears and your heart so you can't hear God's word.

Get some help, Hon. We care about you, God loves you, and you need to get well.


Peace,
~VOW

 

[ZiSunka]

Originally posted by broken mach1ne
I believe I'm beginning to lose my sanity and my religion has played a big part in it. I can't find what meaning my life has. I can't completely believe in God since I can't understand how he was created. How was any of this garbage created? I hate people that don't believe in God as well as those who believe in religions beside Christianity. I'm a walking paradox, I know. But I can't help but to wonder on the outskirts of sanity to find the answer that maybe only the insane know.

I hate being alive. I hate happiness. I hate sex and pleasure. It's a sin to me to enjoy a second of life. I live in complete misery every day of my terrible existence. I hate life. I hate people and just want to be gone and away from the world forever. I hate everyone and everything. I've been asked numerous times why I don't commit suicide and I honestly don't know why I don't. Anything is better than this world of the ungodly and wretched people. I attempted two years ago.

I have nothing to look forward to except the end. I admire people who have killed themselves and don't blame them. In fact, I'm happy for them since they no longer have to deal with all of this [wash my mouth][wash my mouth][wash my mouth][wash my mouth]. My psychologist is a moron and my parents can't comprehend my "problems". So what am I then? Am I a blasphemer, fool or both? If God loved me he'd strike me down where I stand.

Sweet broken machine! I hope you won't hate me for saying this, but I love you.

You seem to have a deep clinical depression. You need medical help, not just a pyschologist, but a real medical doctor to help you pinpoint the cause of your depression and treat it.

Put yourself in the car right now and go to the emergency room and tell them what you just wrote here. Take a taxi if you have to. But go now.

Your life doesn't have to feel this way. I used to be as depressed as you are now. I even had the pills to end my life. But at the last minute, I decided to give life one more chance. I went to yet another doctor and insisted on being helped. Turns out a minor medical problem was the cause and a cheap pill everyday got me well.

You can live happy and with love. Please give life another chance.

 

[broken mach1ne]

I've been on anti-depressants, I've talked to psychologists, psychiatrists and doctors. They do nothing for me. I've been on 200MG of Zoloft and 100MG of Wellbutrin, all they did was make me jumpy, did not touch my mind one bit. I'm tired of that chemical imbalance story. I don't believe it. I've been diagnosed with severe depression also.

No way in the world will I tell my psychologist I'm suicidal because I'm not and the last time I did I ended up in a mental hospital that did nothing but worsen the problem. I am the problem. God has given me everything anyone could dream for but I just want more. Knowledge, confidence and all the other temporary feelings of happiness along with the comfort of God and no one else. I will always hate people. I will always hate my existence. I may even hate God for this.

 

[VOW]

To Broken Machine:

There are many, many different anti-depressants available. Your chemistry may not have been favorably influenced by Zoloft and Wellbutrin. A lot of the time, proper medication can only be found with trial and error. Be patient, talk to the doctor, and keep working on it. You are unhappy with the way things are now, so it is worth it to you to keep trying.

I certainly don't BLAME you for hating God. You are in pain, deep pain, and you want to find a reason behind it. God certainly understands what you are going through, and He can't possibly hold you responsible for hating Him. And you aren't the problem, Hon, any more than you could be responsible for any other disability a person could have.

Please keep trying, and know that we care!


Peace,
~VOW

 

[broken mach1ne]

Screw it all. The downward spiral is inevitable. Nothing can stop me now 'cause I just don't care.

 

[ZiSunka]

I''m not on antidepressants, broken. I'm on synthroid. Antidepressents didn't work for me, either, because my problem was my broken thyroid, not my brain. Depression was a symptom of an organic problem in one tiny gland in my body. Yours could be, too. You won't know if you don't get a good physical exam by a doctor who cares.

It might not get better on it's own. You owe it to yourself, to God and to us to get checked out.

 

[JesusIsLife]

Father I pray that you will be with broken mach1ne right now.  I pray for a hedge of protection that will not allow broken to harm himself in any way.  I pray that you will show him the love that you have to offer him, and give him peace and comfort him right now.  Father show him that people do care and that everyone loves him.  Father give him the strength to take whatever steps needed to get his feet back on the ground and headed in the right direction.  Father, just pick him up in your arms right now and let him know that everything is going to be ok!  Father you are the comforter or comforter's, and only you can give her the healing he needs.  In Jesus name I pray AMEN!

 

[JesusIsLife]

[font="Verdana, Arial, Geneva, sans serif"]<B>The Masterpiece</B>[/font]
[font="Verdana, Arial, Geneva, sans serif"]<B>A treasure of my Father's own design.
Lay shattered on the floor at His feet
It seemed it would be impossible
To mend this broken piece
The original handiwork was rare
It was priceless to be exact
Yet there it lay in pieces
On the floor at my Father's feet

I saw the tears in my Father's eyes
as He gazed on His treasure so rare
He knelt down and began to rearrange,
Each piece with the utmost care
As each teardrop fell on a broken piece
Rough edges were washed away as
Lovingly He labored through the night
His priceless, broken treasure to restore

I saw that at last every piece
Had found its proper place
As guided by my Fathers hands
And His amazing grace
Then He smiled and I heard Him laugh out loud
At the vessel He held in His hands
"You're so much more than a treasure,
You see, you're a Masterpiece, My Child!"

As I felt His arms wrap about me
Securing me close to Himself
I understood that my broken mess
Had been healed by His own blood
As I lifted my face, I smiled at Him
And saw that He was smiling back at me,
And I knew right then what I was worth, for
My Father's Masterpiece is ME!

Author Unknown
</B>[/font]

 

[Blessed-one]

Stand in agreement with the above prayer.

broken mach1ne,

saying that you don't care doesn't really solve the problem.... it's still there and you've to do something about it. I say that to myself all the time, but find out that i actually do care. Let God take control, broken mach1ne, open yourself to His love. You'll be surprised at just how effective this is. May God's peace be on you.

 

[GodOwnsMe]

First off..if you believe in Jesus and handed your life over to God you
will NOT go to hell.
You're God's son and he loves you and will carry you out here.
I'm having some problems with getting that thru, but
I know in my heart that my Daddy in heaven loves his children and
will never leave them alone.

Father in heaven, please completely heal broken machine's heart,
body and soul.

Please show him your love in the most awesome ways,
take his confusion away and just carry him safely out of this in your loving arms. Please wash away all his past, all the hate and despair in his heart.
Fill it with your love, hope, joy and with your spirit.
Please send him people along the way with the right things to say and to do, to forward your love to him.

Please help him receive the awesome life you want to give to all of us, no matter what we're facing.

You have it all in your hands. Its in Jesus name I pray. Amen.

Oh and Amen to JesusIsLife's Prayer !!!!

Maybe you just try to turn around to God 'a bit'.Turn your face away from
all this right to God, just try

 

[GodOwnsMe]

check out www.fathersloveletter.com, that has helped me a lot