I think one of the main things that blocks me from moving forward spiritually is lust..
... Not only lust, but an unwillingness to give it up...
I lack both the ability and the inclination to give it up.
To repent means to turn from sin, but I don't want to turn from it...
... I'm unable to repent, so I'm stuck....
Q.: What can I do?
Repentance doesn't spring up through some kind of autogenesis from within us, it never does. Repentance is what happens when one, weighed down and beaten by sin becomes awake, we say, "I
am guilty." It's crushing, it feels awful. It's a hammer that beats down upon us seeming, as though it is about to break us into pieces.
I
am guilty. Gut-wrenching, the white-hot shame shooting through our bones, making us feel sick to out stomach.
Guilty.
Nobody likes that. In fact, we spend most of our lives, most of our waking hours, trying to ignore that. Just as much as we devote most of our waking ours ignoring the fact that we're dying. Each and every single one of us has an expiration date. We all know it, but it's terrible. It's awful. It eats at our bones, festers in the deepest part of ourselves. Life is limited, if we wait another moment we might miss out--miss out and not enjoy ourselves through an indulgence here, or an indulgence there. Destructive that may often be. Even as we find ourselves showing enmity against our fellow human beings, exploiting them to serve our own desires. Even as find ourselves slowly becoming more and more captive to those base appetites.
I am mortal, so what if I am guilty? Allow my guilt insofar and as long as I can experience what I want to experience in this little time on earth amidst all these sorrows and all these wrongs. Eat, drink, and be merry--for tomorrow we die.
Sin and death.
Passions and mortality.
Injustice and wrongness.
Broken--it's all, we're so, broken.
Guilty.
But because we are guilty, there is Hope: ✞
-CryptoLutheran