Low sex Drive

[mle]

hey moms and dads
have you experienced this after having a baby?
after our first baby i had little or no sex drive until i stopped nursing. then everything came back to normal. i went to the doctor and she snickered a little at me and reminded me that i'm tired, we have little alone time together, i was probably getting all the stimulation i needed from my sucking baby and that it was normal.
but it does not feel normal and i feel bad for my hubby who is so sweet and kind and deserves all kinds of attention. i wish i was in the mood.
now we've had another baby and are stuggling through this aspect of our marriage again. i guess i just have to wait it out and let nature take it's course.

 

[InTheFlame]

First, hormones are all over the place during and after pregnancy. This affects libido, definitely.

Second, tiredness and lack of time alone ARE problems. But hey, problems have solutions. They are solvable. Here's some things that occur to me, that might help:

- Plan time alone. Express milk for bub, get a babysitter in, and just have at least 2-3 hours to yourselves every week.

- Take 1/2 hr in an evening when bub is asleep to deliberately spend time talking/hugging. If you don't plan it, though, it won't happen! If hubby is watching a show when bub settles, stick a blank tape in the VCR, start recording, and snuggle up.

- Get hubby to help with the baby and your firstborn. He's just as capable of learning how to change nappies, bathe children etc. If he's taking some of the burden, you'll be less tired.

- When you're with hubby and hear baby crying, take time for a slow kiss and a whispered 'I love you'. Bub won't suffer any harm in those 1-2 minutes.

What do you think?

 

[mle]

I think you've got some great ideas for me. We don't plan time alone at all. We are so busy we have our time with God at night, then fall asleep quickly. We will have less time to do this now that he starts school in a couple days. My hubby is so helpful he changes all the diapers weekends and evenings and folds laundry and cleans up after meals and helps me do canning and he is wonderful. I will try to kiss him more and hope that leads to something more!

 

[InTheFlame]

Awww, he sounds like a sweetie I love hearing about men who're involved in bringing up their kids like that. Almost all the men in our church seem to be like that, too... it's great!

Maybe if it's closeness that causing some of the problem, you could slip love notes into his books, wallet, shirt pocket, lunchbag etc! I'm assuming you meant hubby is going to school... am I right there?

Hmmm... that reminds me, I should put some of this into practice myself!

 

[Princessperky]

I think that last line is prolly a key. I hate having sex when all I can think about is how fat and flabby I am, so I try (try) not to.

I found with both DD and DS that getting back into the swing was easiest if I thought about all the good parts of sex, and ignored completly worring about him enjoying it. I know that sounds selfish but actually it is the opposite, Dude lives in a feast or famine (8 mo pregnant can you guess which it is right now?)

IMO, Do NOT force yourself to have sex, but consider instead letting DH know you have no intentions of having sex, but are in need of some cuddling, or necking or all those teenage silliness, really gets the teens wanting sex! (might let him read this post or something like it so he entertains some faint notions of having sex IF he plays his cards right.....for several nights in a row. (remind them that foreplay is 4 hours not 4 minutes, makes them feel lucky when they get away with only one .)

Also one last thing I have trouble concentrating on sex while my house is in severe need of help. I explained this to DH, and now he is even mroe helpful around the house. I also am a bit more relaxed, so long as the main stuff is done (laundry to wear, floors food free, and dishes in the dishwasher or clean) I can ignore the rest for one night.

 

[Leanna]

I think sometimes its just getting started again thats rough..... when sex gets to not be in the habit of life then its hard to get back into it. So you gotta just jump start by making it happen.