Hey Peeps,
I have been recovering from a severe depression for months now. I have been struggling with really bad low self esteem and social phobia. I almost feel like I have no self esteem. Sometimes my own shortcomings and psychological pitfalls are so overwhelming I want to give up.
When I leave the house I get an overwhelming sense of fear and panic. I am scared to death someone will say something mean to me or make fun of me. Going to the grocery store is even quite tramatic. When I walk into the store I start getting extremely paranoid and panicky. I convince myself in my thoughts that people are staring at me and thinking all sorts of bad things about me. I think everyone is out to get me and want to bring suffering on me. I then start having bad thoughts in my mind and assume everyone is thinking poorly of me. I hate when I start being a jerk to others in my thoughts.
Sometimes I am so wrapped up in fighting these thoughts, 10 minutes later I realized I am wandering aimlessly through out the store. I then rush to grab what I thought I came there for. Often times I come home and find I bought the wrong items.
Does anyone ever go through this craziness? It sucks I can't perform a simple task like going to the grocery store. I then get home and start calling myself names in my thoughts like, "You are a jerk." "You are a piece of garbage". "You will never amount to anything". This self labeling and all or nothing thinking plagues me daily. I get so sick of my own thoughts.
The frustrating part is where the chemical imbalance and psyhosis meets. I have tried CBT but it has been unsuccessful. Sometimes I think it would be easier to be blind folded all the time.
I have been recovering from a severe depression for months now. I have been struggling with really bad low self esteem and social phobia. I almost feel like I have no self esteem. Sometimes my own shortcomings and psychological pitfalls are so overwhelming I want to give up.
When I leave the house I get an overwhelming sense of fear and panic. I am scared to death someone will say something mean to me or make fun of me. Going to the grocery store is even quite tramatic. When I walk into the store I start getting extremely paranoid and panicky. I convince myself in my thoughts that people are staring at me and thinking all sorts of bad things about me. I think everyone is out to get me and want to bring suffering on me. I then start having bad thoughts in my mind and assume everyone is thinking poorly of me. I hate when I start being a jerk to others in my thoughts.
Sometimes I am so wrapped up in fighting these thoughts, 10 minutes later I realized I am wandering aimlessly through out the store. I then rush to grab what I thought I came there for. Often times I come home and find I bought the wrong items.
Does anyone ever go through this craziness? It sucks I can't perform a simple task like going to the grocery store. I then get home and start calling myself names in my thoughts like, "You are a jerk." "You are a piece of garbage". "You will never amount to anything". This self labeling and all or nothing thinking plagues me daily. I get so sick of my own thoughts.
The frustrating part is where the chemical imbalance and psyhosis meets. I have tried CBT but it has been unsuccessful. Sometimes I think it would be easier to be blind folded all the time.
I guess I am realizing everything in life is hard work and a process. Be it spiritual, mental, or physical. We can't drop 20 pounds of body fat over night right?
