Loving the Lord again?

[reid.stady]

I've been a Christian for about three or four years now, and have been going to church the whole time, reading the Word, and trying to do "all the right things," so to speak. God has saved me out of pornography, drinking, drugs, impurity with my girlfriend, He's provided for me in many ways and honestly looking back, He's really, REALLY been there for me SO many times.

Lately, I've been really getting worried though about the state of my salvation. Certain verses in the Gospels really scare me, so I've wanted to make sure that my heart is right with the Lord, just in case my day to leave this world should come upon me unexpectedly. Verses like "I never knew you...," the rich man and lazarus, and "Invite the poor, the maimed, the lame, the blind, and the crippled...," and a few others really get me scared, and I think, man, I definitely don't seem to be bearing fruit like that!

So in my quest to bear good fruit for the Lord, I've actually just been getting really discouraged. I've been literally trying to force good fruit out of me, doing nice deeds for people completely based on guilt, which makes me bitter toward them, and even more toward God. Even after doing things like this, I sit down at the end of the day thinking that I'll just never bear "enough" fruit or something, like I'll never quite meet that standard.

I sat down with a youth pastor from my church, and he was telling me that I'm simply pushing myself too hard in order to bear fruit. I think he's right. I read Galatians too, and realized that I'm doing exactly what the Galatian church was doing, turning from the pure Gospel to a Faith + works gospel. So lately in my heart towards God, I've been 1) Angry, feeling like I had some high standard that I couldn't meet, 2) Self-righteous and boastful, thinking that somehow I'm the only one saved because I'm "bearing fruits" or some stupid idea like that, and 3) Bitter, because I feel like no matter what I do I'm ultimately just alone underneath the wrath of God just waiting for my last day to come.

Has anyone ever gone through this? I really think that in my pride along with the enemy's tricks, I've been duped into thinking that I have to work for my salvation, and the WORST part is that over a couple years thinking more or less like this, I've turned from a heart of love for God and Jesus, to a heart of self-righteousness and criticality towards God and others.

Is there any hope just to sincerely fall in love with Jesus again, and turn away from a heart of self-righteousness, even after years of this? It doesn't help that I'm a very intellectual person and I know the Word pretty darn well, which I tend to pride myself on too.

Any success stories out there of overcoming self-righteousness, intellectualism, and pride to turn back to a pure, humble, child-like love for Jesus?

Thanks!

***Sorry for such a brutally long post!***

 

[E.C.]

I sat down with a youth pastor from my church, and he was telling me that I'm simply pushing myself too hard in order to bear fruit. I think he's right.

From the sounds of it he's hit the nail on the head.


When one does good things, one needs to do them from the heart and out of love; not out of vanity and fear of eternal damnation, but out of love for God and His people.
Unfortunately that's easier said than done!

Any success stories out there of overcoming self-righteousness, intellectualism, and pride to turn back to a pure, humble, child-like love for Jesus?

Thanks!

Google the following name: John Maximovitch. Or John of Shanghai and San Francisco.

He was a good guy. Lived until the 1960s, escaped from Communism in Russia, again in what became Yugoslavia and again in China. After that, he put up with a lot of stuff, but still lived a very holy and exemplary life.

One thing he did, was he walked around barefoot because he always gave his shoes to somebody else. Friends of his would buy him shoes, but he somehow ended up finding someone who need the shoes more than he.

Anyway, read about him.

 

[Luther073082]

I sort of understand where you are.

You are sort of trying to force the fruits out instead of letting them grow naturally.

Fruit grows naturally when planted in good soil as you are. No one has to force it.

This is what it means to you.

Your outlook on life as the result of being a Christian and loving God will produce the fruit by itself. God says "Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength and love your neighbor as yourself" An outlook on life like that is what will produce the fruit.

Being saved isn't about producing fruit, its about whats in your heart. The fruit is simpily evidence of whats in your heart. That is the problem with someone who produces no fruit. Its not that they havn't produced fruit, its that by all evidence that is there, the gospel is not truely in their heart.

What is happening is you are too focused on the fruit, kind of like taking your apple tree, planting it in good soil but also trying to make it produce bigger fruit so you are over there pouring water all over the thing so it will produce better fruit. But dumping 5 galleons of water on it a day does not help but can only hurt its growth.

This is where faith comes in. You have to have the faith that the good soil (the gospel in your heart) will produce good fruit because God said it would.

Worry about if the Gospel is on your heart, if you truely carry the gospel in your heart, the other things will fall into place. When you see someone in need of help, you will feel love for that person and you will help them. Not because you feel like you HAD to but because you loved that person and WANTED to.