Love.

graciesings · Aug 15, 2015

What is the difference between loving someone, and being in love with someone?

William67 · Aug 15, 2015

That's actually a difficult question. Ive had a lot of female friends over the years. Some were breathtakingly beautiful and I loved them, but I wasn't "in love" with them. They were buddies. There was no attraction. Then, there was one girl I remember, she was also a "friend", but I absolutely fell in love with her. She was skinny as a rail. Had a mouthful of braces and about as many curves as a mop handle. And she was as pale as a sheet, with jet black hair, and freckles. But there was something about her that made me trip over my own feet every time I was around her. I would have walked into Hell and spit in the Devil eye for her. Unfortunately, the feeling wasn't mutual.

MiniEmu · Aug 15, 2015

In my jaded world I do not think there is much of a difference between the two, other than how that individual defines the two.

Because I'm terribly lacking in romance I don't view being in love as fireworks, euphoria, or great desire.

I love a great many people, their presence makes me smile the moment I spy them and I'm always ridiculously happy to see them. People I have no desire to be in a romantic/sexual relationship with, I get giddy over meeting. Because I love them, and I love their company. Think of me as an introverted Labrador puppy; everyone is amazing, wonderful, and so much fun that I trip over my feet and smile like an idiot. Yes I sometimes snipe about them, and get incredibly snarky, but I still feel all those giddy, ridiculous things.

Loving people makes me socially tired, I come home and I just want to sleep/post on the internet and interact with people who do not require much from me. Being in love I'd imagine would be coming home, and wanting to spend time with that one person where loving them does not make me feel emotionally drained*.

*Those I love do not make me emotionally drained in a negative way, I just find socialising awkward.

I suppose, at the heart of it all, being in love would involve meeting someone who fit my unconventional elements as well as the normal "oh yay, love!" ones. Unless love embraces all those things. In which case fantastic.

MrMoe · Aug 15, 2015

graciesings said:
What is the difference between loving someone, and being in love with someone?

Loving someone is a choice. That's the way I see it.

In Luke 6:27-36 Jesus tells us to choose to love our enemies even if the natural reaction would be to hate them, even if there's very little to love about them.
Being in love with someone would mean falling in love with them, which isn't a choice....Not for me anyway.

Messy · Aug 15, 2015

graciesings said:
What is the difference between loving someone, and being in love with someone?

In love is only about yourself I read which does make sense, infatuation, doesn't have to be bad though if you also love the person and then you give everything in a relationship or you just love someone as a brother.

Travelers.Soul · Aug 15, 2015

Loving someone vs being in love with someone...
There are plenty of people I love. My family, friends, and so on but I'm not in love with them. Love has many different forms (agape, philia, eros, and storge)but not all forms are appropriate for every relationship. To be "in love" with someone is a term we use for romantic relationships. I would recommend C.S. Lewis' book Four Loves to you (or anyone else for that matter). Love is a grand and beautiful thing if it is returned but if it cannot be returned or if it withheld it is a torturous burden. The risk is always worth it.

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.” C.S. Lewis- Four Loves

Toro · Aug 15, 2015

I like what Mr Moe said.

To me, its hard to put into words.

As far as romantic relationships go I guess the easiest way to put it.....

I love you - If you keep on like this, I will fall in love with you.

Im in love with you - Im ready to marry you.

Tom Mix · Aug 15, 2015

Way too easy to know the difference.

Loving somebody means if they die you would probable cry for them.

Being in love means you think about them often.

Tom Mix · Aug 15, 2015

You know this had to happen.......

redblue22 · Aug 16, 2015

I think you know the difference, and to ask is a bs question; for me to ask is just to know I don't trust your slippery words. In other words, no.

Goodbook · Aug 16, 2015

Maybe its...in love is like a thing where you'd want to marry that person and never be apart till you die.

dgiharris · Aug 16, 2015

My response is limited to romantic relationships only.

Being "in love" with someone is feeling the butterflies and the electricity when you kiss and all the feelings of infatuation that we've felt since our teen years but tend to diminish in strength and intensity over time. This "in love" feeling is the heart's version of adrenaline super charging all things romantic. It is also one of the possible paths in which our brain chemistry is being changed to adjust and bond to a particular person.

Loving someone is different. I don't quite feel it is a choice though there is a strong rationale component to it as it is a conscious thought process. I feel that loving someone is akin to that person being a part of you. You care about that person as much or even more than you care about yourself. A bond is formed and this feeling is ingrained and longterm.

If I were to try for an analogy, I would say that "in love" is like a fireworks shows that occurs a few times a year while "loving someone" is more like a sunrise/sunset that occurs everyday. Both are beautiful, however the fireworks are more memorable because they are intense and dazzling and temporary whereas the sunrise/sunset though beautiful happens everyday and doesn't have the same luster.

However, it is the sunrise/sunset that is the bedrock of everyday, the day starts with it and ends with it. The sunset/sunrise is in countless paintings and books and movies whereas firework shows, though beautiful and dazzling can't really compete.

The irony is, that many people chase the fireworks instead of finding contentment with the sunrise/sunset which is the path to true happiness. The best relationships though do manage to rekindle the fireworks every now and then, but are firmly rooted in great sunrises and sunsets...

MiniEmu · Aug 16, 2015

Because I look for any excuse to post my favourite love related quote:

Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two.

Louis de Bernières, Captain Corelli’s Mandolin

Just because. This has no actual relevance to the thread, other than articulating my view that the butterflies and excitement of being "in love" are not nearly as important as the dedication and love of ... well, love.

twinserk · Aug 16, 2015

John 15:13 Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.

True love is sacrificing yourself, your desires, wants, and feelings, for the good of the other person.

SinnerInTheHands · Aug 16, 2015

graciesings said:
What is the difference between loving someone, and being in love with someone?

"Love" can be platonic. Being "in love" is so much more.

JaapAap · Aug 16, 2015

blackribbon · Aug 17, 2015

I love many people. I was "in love" with my husband.

How to explain "in love"?....no, it isn't the infatuation that you feel at the beginning of a relationship where there are butterflies and you can't stop thinking about them. It is the life long stuff where no matter how bad things are or how [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse]ed you are, you can't imagine not having them in your world. It is when you become completely selfless. That you would give up anything, including your own life for that person....but after you know all their flaws...and they know yours...not when you are still under the illusion that they are perfect.

Love is cleaning up the other person's vomit willingly because they are sick and vulnerable. It means selling your boat because your kid wants to go to camp and you need to find the money somewhere. It means putting your arms around their neck when they come home feeling like a complete failure and saying that you still believe in them and love them "as is."

Love means you care but chances are there are limitations to how much you will do for that person. "In love" means you will sacrifice yourself for their wellbeing or happiness. If you have never really been "in love", it is hard to imagine...(and like I say, this isn't the stuff new relationships are made of but that feels kind of similar). Jesus is "in love" with us. Married love is suppose to be modeled after how Jesus loves His bride and this kind of love. However, I don't think that most people ever really do experience it. I don't know if is because most people don't let themselves love that deeply (it involves making yourself pretty vulnerable) or if they get married for the wrong reasons.

Just my two cents...

kittysbecute · Aug 18, 2015

My first thought like dgiharris mentioned is "in love" is lots of feelings. Love in contrast isn't limited to just feelings.
Also I agree with blackribbon, "in love" is compelling. (She didn't use that word, but I was thinking that as I read her post.)
Like dreamofireland mentioned, there are lots of different types of loves. "In love" being a term for the romantic type.
I often think of love in the non romantic sense and how we as followers of Christ are called to love God, and love others as ourselves. That kinda love isn't an easy kind of love. It does at times require making decisions we don't really like. Having real love like that even in an "in love" relationship would make it so much better.

Not sure why but the term "in love" made me think of this.

TheGirlOnFire · Aug 18, 2015

Love comes in many forms and can be lasting or come and do.

Being in love can make you crazy, when you first fall you can't eat,sleep you think about that person 24hrs willing the phone to ping.. of course that stage calms down... but it leaves somethings... you actually switch your aim.. like I love my mum but well she my mum but I wouldn't want to live with her lol being in love with my ex I moved 400 miles cause I couldn't bear not to be with him lol

But you do fall in love the min you hold your baby in your arms that is a different type and something that you can never fall out off.

Dante116 · Aug 18, 2015

I also would recommend reading C.S. Lewis' book Four Loves. For the topic in question, read the chapter on Eros (but it is good to read the whole thing from the start, it is a very interesting book).

Here is a quote:

"Eros never hesitates to say, 'Better this than parting. Better to be miserable with her than happy without her. Let our hearts break provided they break together.' If the voice within us does not say this, it is not the voice of Eros."

Love.

It is so ordered.

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