PuNkChIcK said:
I really wish i could do that desi, but I don't have any family around here, and the only reason he was here was for college, then he met me and stayed, and all of his family is back in NY....so I don't have anyone, which is the whole reason i'm so scared to leave him...that and I don't think I could ask him to move out, we're living in my house that was inherited by me after my mother died...
You are alone with your husband who is starting to hurt you and act irritable and angry towards you. Maybe he's stressed out from work and school if the semester recently started? You have to stop this now before it gets worse. Have you told him you are starting to get scared of him and feel like he is hateful when he grabs you harshly? You could scream and cower the next time he grabs you to show him how you feel and help him to realize what he is doing is wrong.
Do you have a group of friends you hang out with? If so you could mention your wrist hurts around them which would probably make your guy flinch at the thought of his behaviour "coming out."
I would try several things since you are alone with him:
Clearly let him know you feel he is hateful, mean, unloving (whatever he does not fancy himself to be) etc... when he treats you that way. This addresses his self image. If you are crystal clear about how he looks when he behaves that way he may stop to avoid being perceived as such by you.
In every social setting you share with him start dropping clues about your wrist hurting or things that pertain to what he does when he behaves poorly such as, 'Honey I'm so sorry I forgot to do the dishes before you got home last night, I didn't... oh nevermind.' This will affect how other people perceive him. If he hurts you he probably wants it to be a secret. By slowly letting parts of it out he should further be deterred from acting up to prevent things from 'slipping out.' You will also begin to let people know something's wrong, hopefully to build some social support.
When he seems irate about something stupid like dirty dishes say you're sorry and tell him you'll take care of it, but you're worried about him as he seems unusually upset. Is everything okay? How was your day?... Letting him vent might help as working and going to school can be difficult. Then hug him and tell him you love him.
I would also start befriending the neighbors and people at church to build a social support for both you and him. It is stressful living away from family and friends so making friends should help.
Finally keep praying for guidance and find a Godly spiritual leader, pastor or priest, to confide this to and get guidance from. You sound like a good wife. Hang in there.
