Love Lessons

[Ana the Ist]

So I haven't started a thread in quite a while...the topic of this one occurred to me last night. I'm hoping some people who post regularly here will share and ask questions...maybe we can generate some interesting discussions and learn a little bit about each other. Here we go...

I've learned over the years that when you're with the right person, the one you should spend the rest of your life with, you cannot help but change each other as you grow with each other. Some of these changes happen without any intention and can be quite profound (my wife went from christian to atheist because of me). Some of these changes are deliberate attempts by one spouse to change the other and can be quite trivial (I no longer leave my socks on the floor where I took them off. ).

The kind of changes I'd like to discuss are of the type that they can fundamentally affect your character/personality. I'd like it if each poster gave an example of one of these changes that their spouse brought about in them...and if possible, one that they brought about in their spouse. Now, if you can only think of one...that's fine....it's not a contest. Also if you have questions regarding what another poster wrote...that's fine too. I'd like to try and keep the majority of posts on the topic though. Of course, I'll go first so everyone has examples of what I'm talking about.

I think that the word love means something different to everyone....everyone defines it a little differently. To me, it always centered on having consideration for someone in the same way you have for yourself. My wife's opinions are always something I consider seriously, her needs are something I'm just as conscious of as I am my own. My wife showed me that something just as important is loving your partner's flaws as well as their strengths. Notice I said loving...not simply accepting. She's shown me time and time again that she loves even my flaws...and this has allowed me to be completely open and honest with her. Because I know she'll never use these things against me...she'll never try to shame me for them....i never have to try to hide them or pretend I'm something that I'm not. This is something I was never able to do with a girl before her...there were always those things about myself that I felt I had to hide, and as a consequence those girls never really knew me completely. My wife is the only person in my life who really knows who I am...it's an aspect of love, her love, that I never understood before and its changed who I am.

One of the things that I've taught my wife is that she has to ability to determine/dictate the nature of her relationship with others. She's always been extremely compassionate, helping, loving, caring, thoughtful, empathetic...all the things you would want in a friend, sister, daughter, etc.She's the type of person who treats others as she wants to be treated. Unfortunately, her family is none of those things that I just listed lol. Seriously, I could create a whole thread on them and how horrible they are... but she didn't turn out like them. As a result, they generally walk all over her, use her, and neglect her and all she does for them. She reached a breaking point with her sister a few years ago when I she finally decided to take my advice to heart. I told her that she just had to tell her sister that she would no longer talk to or visit her until she (the sister) gave her the respect and consideration she deserves. It only took about three months of not speaking before her sister's attitude changed dramatically. It's taken more time with the rest of her family...but she's now a lot more assertive and less accommodating and she's only been happier for it.

These are a couple examples... and I'd like to see some from the regulars. You're all very interesting people, and I'm sure there's all kinds of knowledge that your love with your spouse has taught you that can be valuable for anyone to read.

 

[Autumnleaf]

You seems like a positive influence on your wife. My father taught me self sacrifice and my wife tests my ability to do that much of the time. My friends help me grow and expand my understanding of what is possible and what is acceptable.

 

[Ana the Ist]

You seems like a positive influence on your wife. My father taught me self sacrifice and my wife tests my ability to do that much of the time. My friends help me grow and expand my understanding of what is possible and what is acceptable.

Thanks Autumn. The truth is, she's probably been a bigger positive influence on me than I've ever been for her. You wouldn't doubt this if you had even an inkling of what kind of person I was before I met her. Once I realized that l love her and wanted/:needed her in my life...I changed a lot about my life to be the kind of guy I feel like she deserves. So as you can imagine, the love I show her involved a lot of sacrifice.

Can you think of a good example of what you mean by self-.sacrifice? Thanks for answering btw...I'm a little surprised more people haven't jumped on the chance to talk about how someone they love has changed them for the better. I guess if it's not a thread where everyone gets to argue about the OP or offer advice to someone in crisis...no one wants to join in.

 

[lisah]

How we handle certain things might have changed, but I'm not sure either one of us have actually changed the other.

We are opposites. Sometimes that is complementary, sometimes it is not.

Maybe that's why this thread is quiet?

 

[mkgal1]

Ana the Ist.....you articulated love so well....it's encouraging to read about two people actually living it out. I think this really is "love" (married love) summed up well:

My wife is the only person in my life who really knows who I am...it's an aspect of love, her love, that I never understood before and its changed who I am.

I just wanted to comment of that---and how I believe that's a wonderfully accurate description of what married love ought to be (I don't really have anything to add at the time).