Lost

[lavendar]

Not sure if writing this is a good idea,

 

[lavendar]

Really sorry for the long post. Its 4am and can't sleep so thought I should post.

 

[Sketcher]

When we moved to England I was 14ish and thats when I realised how messed up this ish was. Spanking is common in my culture so I kept quiet. My parents are very strict and despite having my sister unmarried, if you heard my "christian mother" talk about others in those situations you would think it was an abomination.

What situations?

Trying to be short: 15-16 and in a new country, i entered a long distance private relationship. Only my cousin new. It made me forget my worries at home. Split up. Got back 2gthr later but found out there was actually two of us. It was my 1st time, I didn't enjoy it....hated it but tried to do it anyway......got HPV....he denied it and told me I got it somewhere else.

You slept with your cousin? Or only your cousin knew about your relationship with the guy?

My question: My family doesn't know. 2friends know only. I've kept it a secret and tried to move on but find myself years later still feeling ashamed, useless,worthless etc.SO many times this year I've wondered what if I just end it all now. A few times I've wanted to tell my sis or mum but I can't. Sex is a sin and taboo in my house and when they talk about others they look down on them. If this was your daughter what would you want her to do? What is your advice? My grades have dropped, I am unmotivated to live. I've had to pay for private counselling at uni and last week's discussion has me asking do I have daddy issues? Am I just crazy in the head? How did I get here? I find myself sometimes coming back to God expecting an answer but I get so angry when I see my mum stay with him just bcoz divorce is bad and what bible apparently says about it. Why can she not see that her staying has affected us badly? (All 3 of us girls have messed up views of guys.we don't trust erm. we don't have good experiences somewhat anti social and will possibly be alone for life).

Have you confessed your sin to God, and asked Jesus to forgive you because he died on the cross to forgive all your sins? That's the first thing I'd want my daughter to do.

 

[lavendar]

Slept with my cousin????? Definitely not. I said only my cousin knew about the guy. By situations I mean people who have become pregnant or had sex before marriage or just stumbled a few times. She talks about them so harshly its like she forgets that that was her once. I would have preferred her to be less judgemental and be able to relate so she can give them advice.


And yes I did ask God for forgiveness many times.

 

[Sketcher]

Slept with my cousin????? Definitely not. I said only my cousin knew about the guy.

Thank you for clarifying, I wasn't sure what you meant.

And yes I did ask God for forgiveness many times.

Then he forgave you the first time.