lost love can be educational

[eapoe fan]

More ramblings than anything else.

My best friend and I (of three years) recently started becoming aware of the fact that we were perfect for eachother. A descision came after about 5 months of prayer (certainly on my part, and I felt confident on her part) that it was time to start contemplating a romantic relationship. Life was bliss. We grew closer together and we both were growing in Christ. She was to me the completer of who I felt God wanted me to be. She enabled me, encouraged me and became to me that which I was not.

She broke up with me some months ago.

Since then, I've become an agnostic. I was never so sure of anything as I was of our relationship being of God. And the irony of it all: my favorite quote since I was 14 years old is "God gets blamed for a lot of stuff." I realized however that if I could be so mistaken about what God's voice sounds like, then I simply didn't have the ability to know God's voice no matter how hard I sought after it.

When I was about 15 years old (I'm currently 19), one of my close friends fell in love with a girl and got married (he was 18 at the time -- several years older than I). I realized then how powerful of a thing love was, and promised this God whom I knew so well that I would give my heart away only twice: to Him first, and to the woman He had for me. Now she is no more, and I know not if He is.

To whom should I be loyal if not first to myself? When does the pain go away?

 

[Warrior Poet]

More ramblings than anything else.

My best friend and I (of three years) recently started becoming aware of the fact that we were perfect for eachother. A descision came after about 5 months of prayer (certainly on my part, and I felt confident on her part) that it was time to start contemplating a romantic relationship. Life was bliss. We grew closer together and we both were growing in Christ. She was to me the completer of who I felt God wanted me to be. She enabled me, encouraged me and became to me that which I was not.

She broke up with me some months ago.

Since then, I've become an agnostic. I was never so sure of anything as I was of our relationship being of God. And the irony of it all: my favorite quote since I was 14 years old is "God gets blamed for a lot of stuff." I realized however that if I could be so mistaken about what God's voice sounds like, then I simply didn't have the ability to know God's voice no matter how hard I sought after it.

When I was about 15 years old (I'm currently 19), one of my close friends fell in love with a girl and got married (he was 18 at the time -- several years older than I). I realized then how powerful of a thing love was, and promised this God whom I knew so well that I would give my heart away only twice: to Him first, and to the woman He had for me. Now she is no more, and I know not if He is.

To whom should I be loyal if not first to myself? When does the pain go away?

I was told once that "Life sucks(stinks) then you die".
For a long time I agreed even after believing in God. Love has been one of the best educators of all time... simply because nothing compares to experience....nothing... there are no classes on love, no teachers... books and advice can only go so far.

First off.... she left, YOU think she was the right one, what I dont understand is why you are having such a hard time with the clear message... SHE WASNT THE ONE! (at least not at this point)

Wam.

IMO, and I will try to keep it short..... No women will ever complete you.. to walk around with that frame of mind is a hinderence in and of itself. I personally think God in the center is a good call... easier said then done... but sometimes no voice From God is as much as a response as Him telling you straight out... something wasnt right and no matter how bad YOU wanted it to be your will is not Gods will, for His will for us is life... at this point it seems your will is love. Love is powerful especially if it can make you doubt your God... this also just goes to prove that you are still human. I was with a girl for 7 years... I thought that was it we were destined and planned to be together FOR-EV-ER... even marrid the chick... and I am a 22 year old divorcee. My will wasnt Gods will... it became painfully apparent

To answer your questions....
Loyalty is a pretty big thing to get/give. You have to be TRUE more so then loyal... if you are true then you are you.. if you are loyal you are who you think you ought to be. Your loyalty goes to God first.. and If you arent at the point where thats an option then loyalty becomes something you must learn... to be loyal is a "forever" word. Be real with yourself... know what you feel when you feel it... know what you are saying and where you stand... you cant be your house on the sandy land.. it might look kinda nice but you'll have to build it twice when the rain comes down... you need to build your house on the Rock. With a solid foundation... you can be a man and the man for some lucky lady. The pain goes away when you learn to let it go... it stops hurting when it runs its course... you stop learning from it... well I hope that you never do. You are not ignorant of what love and loss is now.. draw the parrallel to God, Christ, and us... it puts love into perspective.
Who/what you believe in doesnt define you... no one single thing defines you that is an impossibity... but you have to make sure the definitions are in place before so you can be just that, You.

Warrior Poet

 

[eapoe fan]

I'm at work just now, and dont' have time to respond point-for-point with your message (though I will tonight). One thing you said however, struck me:

Who/what you believe in doesnt define you

As a "Christian", you should be more careful in your choice of words...

A "Christian" would say that man's worth is only defined by God's immutability and infinate nature. Do you get that point? Man has worth only because God chooses to recognise man's worth. Grapple with the concepts of infinity for a few minutes and you'll start to see what that statement means.

More to come...
-E. A. Poe Fanatic

 

[Warrior Poet]

First off thank you for pointing out what would make me a better christian..that was nice of you.

Having worth is a very different concept then being defined. The beauty of christianity is that it's an individual realtionship with God, INDIVIDUAL.... which in turns means that people are still unique and takes a lot to difine them, not JUST religion or God. Just because people are christian doesnt make them robots they still have different personallities, sense of humor, integrity, love......etc. Having worth in Gods eyes means he see the individuality in us and with our relationship with Him, everyones will be different because everyone is different. Grapple with infinity and I will understand.....mmmmmhmmmm... we are talking apples and oranges here.

Warrior Poet

 

[Warrior Poet]

Better yet. Off only this information I pose a question.

I am a Christian. Define me? Not what/who I am suppose to be, but what/who I am.

Warrior Poet

 

[eapoe fan]

My post was very very hasty. Forgive my inability to put into text the thoughts in my head. Communication is, apparently, not one of my strong suites.

Let me pose this question: Can you define something without giving it worth? Can something have worth without being defined? The two concepts are completely inseperable.

What is man apart from God (I'm enough of a Calvanist to be able to ask that question wiht a laugh)? In all honesty, if not for God, what would man be? To an evolutionist, we are an advanced animal. God provides not only worth to a man's life (by being made in His image and breathed life into us, we have worth), but he also provides reason and purpose. Reason and purpose both require definition. Therefore, God defines man. No matter what you do, you are still limited by the fact that you are a human. There are human limitations. You are not infinitely anything (save, perhaps, human!).

I have billions, perhaps trillions, of skin cells. They are completely inconsequential to me. If I loose one, I mourn not. If I loose a hundred, it's doubtful I would even notice. What is a skin cell? What worth does it have? Now, if I were to define myself in terms of a single skin cell, then what worth would it have to me? Infinite worth. If my entire life was consumed with caring for, saving, and protecting one single skin cell, then how valuable is that skin cell? That is how man is to God. We are totally inconsequential except that God has chosen to give us worth. It is in that giving of worth that we are defined.

Along similar lines (since I have just a few more minutes):

No women will ever complete you..

How interesting a concept... Apparently, God disagreed. He created woman. Do you deny that? He felt that man needed a helpmate, no?

Okay, sorry, I'll stop attacking... However, let me ask you this: if in fact I was correct in my months of prayer and feeling that God did desire for the two of us to be together, then is it possible for me to stand before this God as a complete man, without her who He has chosen for me? Am I able to do His will, if His will involves my ministering alongside someone who is not next to me?

When I say that this woman completed me, I perhaps opened the door to this argument (again, probably due to poor wording). What I meant to say was that she drew out of me the Christ-like attributes which I did not display in abundance. She taught me what love was. She taught me to be compashionate. She taught me more about God then I had allowed my self to learn in any other fashion.


I should probabably also note, at this time, that our breakup came about as a result of her mother's hatred toward me. She chose to honor her parents over her love for me. I have chosen to honor her (as well as her parents, I am loath to admit). So when I say that she left me, it is, perhaps, and unfair simplification of the matter. Isn't it always?

 

[eapoe fan]

Better yet. Off only this information I pose a question.

I am a Christian. Define me? Not what/who I am suppose to be, but what/who I am.

Warrior Poet

When I speak of man having worth, I'm talking on the species-wide level. Not the individual level. Do you deny that God loves you? If you believe God loves you, then I can define you as: "one who is loved by God." That gives you worth [to God].

 

[Warrior Poet]

My post was very very hasty. Forgive my inability to put into text the thoughts in my head. Communication is, apparently, not one of my strong suites.
Let me pose this question: Can you define something without giving it worth? Can something have worth without being defined? The two concepts are completely inseperable.
What is man apart from God (I'm enough of a Calvanist to be able to ask that question wiht a laugh)? In all honesty, if not for God, what would man be? To an evolutionist, we are an advanced animal. God provides not only worth to a man's life (by being made in His image and breathed life into us, we have worth), but he also provides reason and purpose. Reason and purpose both require definition. Therefore, God defines man. No matter what you do, you are still limited by the fact that you are a human. There are human limitations. You are not infinitely anything (save, perhaps, human!).
I have billions, perhaps trillions, of skin cells. They are completely inconsequential to me. If I loose one, I mourn not. If I loose a hundred, it's doubtful I would even notice. What is a skin cell? What worth does it have? Now, if I were to define myself in terms of a single skin cell, then what worth would it have to me? Infinite worth. If my entire life was consumed with caring for, saving, and protecting one single skin cell, then how valuable is that skin cell? That is how man is to God. We are totally inconsequential except that God has chosen to give us worth. It is in that giving of worth that we are defined.

Very well put but I am not sure what point you arguing... Did I say you weren't worth anything?? Or worth anything to God?Or God puts no worth in us? I said ONE thing alone can not define a person. If you look at some one and define them on one aspect of what and who they are then that is far below shallow IMO... that was my point, you are arguing apples..... Im peeling an orange... they don't taste them same.

How interesting a concept... Apparently, God disagreed. He created woman. Do you deny that? He felt that man needed a helpmate, no?

God disagreed...... Yes he needed HELP.
You said "helpmate". If you need help it would mean that somewhere along the lines help will be needed and more specific by that person. Just because that "help" exists doesn't make you complete.... it compliments as in you are to be a helpmate to them the same way. It could be taken that you are implying a man who does not marry wont be complete I say a man who never loves ( a women), wont be complete, they seem the same but are very different. Where you are weak she is strong... vice versa... thats the nature of the relationship "beast". If a female completed us then we would feel a void always... its love thats the completion... or part of it, not a person. I have always said there is no difference between "loves" over time and through many people I have to flip a 180... there are lots of different types. My point was if God knows the numbers of hairs on my head then he knows everything about me.... but I am confident that if I went to God asked him what I was like on earth he would say more then ""one who is loved by God." I think what you are saying though is that is all He cares about? Yes. No.

Okay, sorry, I'll stop attacking... However, let me ask you this: if in fact I was correct in my months of prayer and feeling that God did desire for the two of us to be together, then is it possible for me to stand before this God as a complete man, without her who He has chosen for me? Am I able to do His will, if His will involves my ministering alongside someone who is not next to me?

So your point is what?
YOU are positive she was the One...... seems for the time being she isn't..... this doesn't mean she cant be the one still but right now it seems as though God would want your head else where.
His will is His will..... how it comes about is not my say... yet can be amusing to try and piece it together sometimes.

When I say that this woman completed me, I perhaps opened the door to this argument (again, probably due to poor wording). What I meant to say was that she drew out of me the Christ-like attributes which I did not display in abundance. She taught me what love was. She taught me to be compashionate. She taught me more about God then I had allowed my self to learn in any other fashion.
I should probabably also note, at this time, that our breakup came about as a result of her mother's hatred toward me. She chose to honor her parents over her love for me. I have chosen to honor her (as well as her parents, I am loath to admit). So when I say that she left me, it is, perhaps, and unfair simplification of the matter. Isn't it always? [/size][/color][/font]

Well then the Philosophy wasn't really needed then.
This is what I was getting at, seems as though I misunderstood your point in the OP.... This is what a happens as you said she drew things out of you... its a big deal but it can go the opposite way as well, many maul over the why and the how.... and forget about the lesson... it just hurts to bad.
Hate is such a strong word... curious if you will riddle me this... WHY would she(mom) hate you?

Warrior Poet

 

[eapoe fan]

Very well put but I am not sure what point you arguing... Did I say you weren't worth anything?? Or worth anything to God?Or God puts no worth in us? I said ONE thing alone can not define a person. If you look at some one and define them on one aspect of what and who they are then that is far below shallow IMO... that was my point, you are arguing apples..... Im peeling an orange... they don't taste them same.

No, I was reacting to this statement:

which in turns means that people are still unique and takes a lot to difine them, not JUST religion or God.

There is enough of me left to have that statement just chaffe against me. One thing (read: God) can define a man. I was just making sure we were on the same wavelength with the suposition that if there is a God, He would be able [if He chooses] to define man.

God disagreed...... Yes he needed HELP.
You said "helpmate". If you need help it would mean that somewhere along the lines help will be needed and more specific by that person. Just because that "help" exists doesn't make you complete.... it compliments as in you are to be a helpmate to them the same way. It could be taken that you are implying a man who does not marry wont be complete I say a man who never loves ( a women), wont be complete, they seem the same but are very different. Where you are weak she is strong... vice versa... thats the nature of the relationship "beast". If a female completed us then we would feel a void always... its love thats the completion... or part of it, not a person. I have always said there is no difference between "loves" over time and through many people I have to flip a 180... there are lots of different types. My point was if God knows the numbers of hairs on my head then he knows everything about me.... but I am confident that if I went to God asked him what I was like on earth he would say more then ""one who is loved by God." I think what you are saying though is that is all He cares about? Yes. No.

So your point is what?
YOU are positive she was the One...... seems for the time being she isn't..... this doesn't mean she cant be the one still but right now it seems as though God would want your head else where.
His will is His will..... how it comes about is not my say... yet can be amusing to try and piece it together sometimes.

My point is escaped. I have tried to seek cousel from four of my friends. I've had to ask two of them to cease any type of relationship that they had with me. One of them has asked that I just not speak of this with her [she cannot handle it]. And another has said that he has given up trying to understand, so he's just "there for me". I'm at a bit of a loss as to why people find this such a novel thought.

To simply the matter (to an almost sickening extent):
I have but two choices. Either I have been correct in assuming that she is "the one", in which case I have already committed myself to her for as long as I am alive. Or: I misheard or misinterpreted the voice of God, in which case I am damned anyway because I no longer have the ability to hear Him.

Well then the Philosophy wasn't really needed then.
This is what I was getting at, seems as though I misunderstood your point in the OP.... This is what a happens as you said she drew things out of you... its a big deal but it can go the opposite way as well, many maul over the why and the how.... and forget about the lesson... it just hurts to bad.

I'm sorry, this statement escapes me. I simply do not understand it. Could you explain it a little differently? Thank you.

Hate is such a strong word... curious if you will riddle me this... WHY would she(mom) hate you?

A strong word, indeed. It would be sinful for me to post or say anything against her. Stating that she hates me is a statement of fact to which she gladly subscribes herself. My stating the reasons for that hatred would be wrong.

 

[Warrior Poet]

No, I was reacting to this statement:

There is enough of me left to have that statement just chaffe against me. One thing (read: God) can define a man. I was just making sure we were on the same wavelength with the suposition that if there is a God, He would be able [if He chooses] to define man.
[/size][/color][/font]

Then no we arent on the same wavelength... I was saying that just because a person believes in God doesn't define them, HE can define man I was never saying he couldn't, its like labeling a stereotype on a person.... it becomes the same difference.

My point is escaped. I have tried to seek cousel from four of my friends. I've had to ask two of them to cease any type of relationship that they had with me. One of them has asked that I just not speak of this with her [she cannot handle it]. And another has said that he has given up trying to understand, so he's just "there for me". I'm at a bit of a loss as to why people find this such a novel thought.

Im not sure what you were getting at but: "being there" is just like watching sports as much as you would like to "help" you cant you are simply a spectator... thats how your friends feel. Im sure they have tried the old cliches and sayings... they are at the point where YOU need to start to get over it and move forward.

To simply the matter (to an almost sickening extent):
I have but two choices. Either I have been correct in assuming that she is "the one", in which case I have already committed myself to her for as long as I am alive. Or: I misheard or misinterpreted the voice of God, in which case I am damned anyway because I no longer have the ability to hear Him.

One extreme or the other huh... I would say you have two choices as well.... but neither of those two were the ones I was thinking of.. s in that case I guess you have 4 choices.

I'm sorry, this statement escapes me. I simply do not understand it. Could you explain it a little differently? Thank you.

Basically I was trying to get you to talk about the relationship and what was going on.... accomplished.

A strong word, indeed. It would be sinful for me to post or say anything against her. Stating that she hates me is a statement of fact to which she gladly subscribes herself. My stating the reasons for that hatred would be wrong.

It would be sinful to slander her... but then again if you feel things against her in your heart you have already done the "deed". I see why this is going to be hard for you .... it wasn't your choice and you believe if mom wasn't around you would still be together. What you would be doing is opening yourself up to help, if you are bitter, angry and upset then there are ways ( not sinful) to convey those things... in this case its not so much what is said so much as it is HOW its said. But to each there own... By the way what was the point of the OP anyway? Just curious.

Warrior Poet

 

[eapoe fan]

hehe... the point? I didn't know there had to be a point....

More ramblings than anything else.

 

[Mr.Cheese]

I can't tell you when it will get better, but I can tell you that it will get better.
This is just about the worst thing to go through. You get through this and you can take anything.
Yes. Educational. Paunful, but very educational.

 

[FaithfulServant]

If you stopped believeing in God merely because a girl you dated decided not to date you anymore perhaps you should question 1) How strong your faith was and if it was based purely on the stability of your relationship 2) If you made her into a God/Idol 3) If you were seeking YOUR will in your prayers or Gods?

Just some thoughts, don't bite me please hehe

God Bless,

Steffani

 

[FaithfulServant]

Another thing I thought of:

When I was 15 or so I dated a Christian guy for almost 2 years. I "knew" God wanted us to be together, etc, etc and He broke up with me. This Chrisitan guy and I would pray together about our future (granted, we were young, but young teens have big dreams).
My faith waivered just like yours did, I decided that there was no God, blah blah, and got pretty depressed (and overweight) Well, I came out of all of this and I am a better Christian and woman because of it. God used that situation to teach me about relationships and to prepare me for my future ones.

Of course, I would have never seen that back then - because I was too busy dwelling on how I had lost Him and how mean this "God" was for taking him away, and I thought no one else would ever come, well God had bigger and better plans! Now I praise him for having that guy break up with me, because I would have never met the Godly and fantastic man that I am courting today!

May God give you an open heart,

Steffani

 

[eapoe fan]

1) How strong your faith was and if it was based purely on the stability of your relationship

How strong was my faith... Well, I would say that it *was* pretty strong (and still is).

I guess the best way to word it would be to say that my faith in God has not changed, but my ability to hear/know God has.

2) If you made her into a God/Idol

To some degree, yes. To an unhealthy degree? Time will tell!

3) If you were seeking YOUR will in your prayers or Gods?

The whole thing started off being my great idea. My exact prayer was: "Lord, if these feelings [that I was having for her] aren't from you, then take them away." After a while of that, I reaziled the foolishness in that prayer and so I modified it: "Lord, show me Your will and I will follow it." It was only then that I got a huge sense of peace and assurance about this, and that is when we started to get [more] serious.

What does all this mean? Heaven only knows... I've given up trying to figure it out.

If God has a greater plan, I'm open. Tried it before and things didn't exactly turn out the way that I understood they would (which raises a very interesting theological question concerning man's free will.....) Is God still in control? Well, something tells me that if He is the one who holds the planet in it's orbit, He's still pretty much in controll. Does that mean things are gonna happen how He wants? Nope. We're dealing with sinful people who love to screw up God's Plan.

Just some thoughts, don't bite me please hehe

I use to live in the DRC. We don't joke about canabalism.

- E.A. Poe Fan

 

[charligirl]

I spent 5 years being convinced God had shown me my husband, I knew it was right, I waited and prayed for him and we remained just good friends for that time. I prayed the same prayer as you and after 5 years it transpired that it wasn't going to happen.

Was God wrong? Obviously not, did I hear incorrectly? perhaps, or maybe not.

Let me explain, I don't believe that God will ever override our free will, perhaps we will meet a perfect match and fall head-over-heels, but if they have issues and choose not to get involved, or perhaps don't seek God then it might never come to pass. I think that I did hear correctly, but the other person was not in the right place at that time and chose not to seek God on it... there was a season when it could have worked, but that season passed and I eventually had to accept it wasn't happening and move on.

I don't know how you said you 'knew' but I used to listen to me 'gut' feelings and emotions, but I have learnt they are tricky things, they are not neccessarily to be trusted, no matter how strong. I know I have had to question how I heard (or thought I heard) God, I used to base much on my 'gut' feelings but I no longer rely on them.. they can be clouded by other things emotions, hormones, subconscious thought. When I seek God now I look to more than the supernatural 'signs' and gut feelings, I test it with scripture, I ask god to speak to me through his word, I seek wise counsel from elders and ask God for confirmation.

Be assured that whether this was right (but she heard wrong) or wrong and you let your feelings tell you more than God was, God has His best for you and will bring you through to a place of blessing.

 

[Fineous_Reese]

More ramblings than anything else.

My best friend and I (of three years) recently started becoming aware of the fact that we were perfect for eachother. A descision came after about 5 months of prayer (certainly on my part, and I felt confident on her part) that it was time to start contemplating a romantic relationship. Life was bliss. We grew closer together and we both were growing in Christ. She was to me the completer of who I felt God wanted me to be. She enabled me, encouraged me and became to me that which I was not.

She broke up with me some months ago.

Since then, I've become an agnostic. I was never so sure of anything as I was of our relationship being of God. And the irony of it all: my favorite quote since I was 14 years old is "God gets blamed for a lot of stuff." I realized however that if I could be so mistaken about what God's voice sounds like, then I simply didn't have the ability to know God's voice no matter how hard I sought after it.

When I was about 15 years old (I'm currently 19), one of my close friends fell in love with a girl and got married (he was 18 at the time -- several years older than I). I realized then how powerful of a thing love was, and promised this God whom I knew so well that I would give my heart away only twice: to Him first, and to the woman He had for me. Now she is no more, and I know not if He is.

To whom should I be loyal if not first to myself? When does the pain go away?

do you still believe you should be loyal first to yourself?

when does the pain go away? go read/re-read Job, then jump over to Romans 8:28, then if you want a modern day example check out Phil Vischer (creator of Big Idea and Veggie Tales) regarding his thoughts about going bankrupt and losing his dream he thought/knew was from God.

-Fin

ps, as i preview and proofread i noticed the lyric in my sig could shed light on your situation as well...