hi everyone its been a long time since the last time i wrote on this forum.. anyways i have a big problem. My husband and I have been separated for one and a half years. In total we've spent about 4 months actually apart and not dating etc. but we have lived in different cities for a lot of it because i went away for school. I came back every weekend to see him so its not like we didnt see each other at all. we have dated other people in the time we were apart, which was totally unsuccessful because we still had very deep rooted feelings for each other. We have been together then broken up together then broken up and over and over like three times in the past year. right now we have been together for 5 months. Im 20 and hes 24 and things arent going well yet again. Is it time to call it quits? i dont know if i can bear another break up. i have such strong feelings for him, btu we just cant seem to pull this together and im feeling at such a loss. there is so much baggage and so much resentment to work through, not to mention horribly broken bridges with both our families. is this a lost cause? i dont know if it could get much worse?
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lost cause?
- Thread starter snowflake04
- Start date
nowhereville
Senior Member
You don't say if you have tried counseling?
It's hard to say what you should actually do without more details. The truth is also, however, you are the only one who can say if you should end it or not. We can give you advice all day long, but we're not God who knows what his will for your life and your marriage is.
Give more details and perhaps it would be easier to answer.
It's hard to say what you should actually do without more details. The truth is also, however, you are the only one who can say if you should end it or not. We can give you advice all day long, but we're not God who knows what his will for your life and your marriage is.
Give more details and perhaps it would be easier to answer.
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ShainaBrina
The joy of the Lord is my strength
Dating others would be a mistake. You need to decide whether you are going to be in this marriage or not. If not, you need to end the marriage before starting another relationship.
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DZoolander
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I agree with Shaina. Dating is for when you're done with the previous relationship. Dating is not a testing grounds to see if you *want* to be done with the previous relationship.
To be honest - and others might call me cynical - I don't think that relationships that begin at such an early age are likely to last. You are 20 years old- and you say that you've been separated for like 1.5 years. That means (at the least) you got married when you were around 18...which also means that you probably started dating him around 15-17.
The truth is - the period between 15-30(ish) is SUCH a period of change within people that it's really difficult to find someone that grows along with you. The fact that you're compatible at 18 does not in any way assure that by the time you're 25, 26, 27, etc that you will still be compatible. There are such drastic changes due to experience, and just "growing up", that it's hard for two people in such flux to grow together. At 18, you're not in any way the same person you're going to be at 30.
Soooo - I'm not terribly optimistic about those types of relationships.
But - you guys need to work it out and find what's best for both of you - whether it be remaining together or splitting. Either way - you've both got a *long* life ahead of you. You're truthfully just starting out. Make it a worthwhile and happy life.
...but don't go dating people until you've got your other issues resolved. It will only muddle the matter.
To be honest - and others might call me cynical - I don't think that relationships that begin at such an early age are likely to last. You are 20 years old- and you say that you've been separated for like 1.5 years. That means (at the least) you got married when you were around 18...which also means that you probably started dating him around 15-17.
The truth is - the period between 15-30(ish) is SUCH a period of change within people that it's really difficult to find someone that grows along with you. The fact that you're compatible at 18 does not in any way assure that by the time you're 25, 26, 27, etc that you will still be compatible. There are such drastic changes due to experience, and just "growing up", that it's hard for two people in such flux to grow together. At 18, you're not in any way the same person you're going to be at 30.
Soooo - I'm not terribly optimistic about those types of relationships.
But - you guys need to work it out and find what's best for both of you - whether it be remaining together or splitting. Either way - you've both got a *long* life ahead of you. You're truthfully just starting out. Make it a worthwhile and happy life.
...but don't go dating people until you've got your other issues resolved. It will only muddle the matter.
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