Lost and scared

[Lost55]

Lead a very bad life, broke commandments and been very selfish. I’m so ashamed of myself. I have a physical illness and things keep happening to stop me from getting a diagnosis. I had a vision 8 months ago, it was apparently coming from god saying that I would get an illness and nobody would feel or see it but me and it’s happened. I am tormented, I’m praying to God and Jesus every day but I’m still experiencing evil happenings such as seeing and hearing the number of the beast everywhere I go. Every time I ask god I’m my thoughts a question I get the answer where I look wether it be a car reg e.g YE5, a shop or road name etc. The question I ask him is “am I going to hell”? I want to accept Jesus as my saviour and love god but feel I’ve done to much for him to listen and I’ve angered him by going to doctors and hospital appointments to get treatment. Every time I’ve been to my appointments the number of the beast have come up. I feel like god doesn’t want me to get medical treatment and trust in him for healing. I’ve been diagnosed with 3 physical things that all lead to an underlying condition but can’t seem to get the answers due to stumbling blocks stopping me from getting the right diagnosis. There have been far too many coincidences for me not to be tormented. I’ve read duetronomy 28 and feel like I’m cursed. I’m trying my best to please god and Jesus but feel I’m too late. I want god and Jesus’ forgiveness but I can’t stop thinking I’ve crossed the line. I used get horrible thoughts about Jesus sometimes and hate myself for it. The thoughts weren’t coming from me. I want to be forgiven and trying my best to repent. I’ve prayed to god so many times, I feel so lost and tortured. I feel that I shouldn’t seek medical advice because it’s lack of faith in god and because I keep trying to get the right medical care. I went to doctors earlier and when I got in my car the temp was 6 degrees with 66 miles left for fuel. My daughter came back with her homework and told me got 666 and writing a paper on the pit (coalmining). These are just 2 examples of things I’m coming across multiple times a day. I feel I’m been tortured I don’t want This, I want to be forgiven. I love god and Jesus and hate myself for what sins I’ve committed in my life. I started going back to church a few months ago after this vision and nothing seems to be helping x I fear the lord and am trying to change. I’m sick of failing him x please help x

 

[Dave L]

Lead a very bad life, broke commandments and been very selfish. I’m so ashamed of myself. I have a physical illness and things keep happening to stop me from getting a diagnosis. I had a vision 8 months ago, it was apparently coming from god saying that I would get an illness and nobody would feel or see it but me and it’s happened. I am tormented, I’m praying to God and Jesus every day but I’m still experiencing evil happenings such as seeing and hearing the number of the beast everywhere I go. Every time I ask god I’m my thoughts a question I get the answer where I look wether it be a car reg e.g YE5, a shop or road name etc. The question I ask him is “am I going to hell”? I want to accept Jesus as my saviour and love god but feel I’ve done to much for him to listen and I’ve angered him by going to doctors and hospital appointments to get treatment. Every time I’ve been to my appointments the number of the beast have come up. I feel like god doesn’t want me to get medical treatment and trust in him for healing. I’ve been diagnosed with 3 physical things that all lead to an underlying condition but can’t seem to get the answers due to stumbling blocks stopping me from getting the right diagnosis. There have been far too many coincidences for me not to be tormented. I’ve read duetronomy 28 and feel like I’m cursed. I’m trying my best to please god and Jesus but feel I’m too late. I want god and Jesus’ forgiveness but I can’t stop thinking I’ve crossed the line. I used get horrible thoughts about Jesus sometimes and hate myself for it. The thoughts weren’t coming from me. I want to be forgiven and trying my best to repent. I’ve prayed to god so many times, I feel so lost and tortured. I feel that I shouldn’t seek medical advice because it’s lack of faith in god and because I keep trying to get the right medical care. I went to doctors earlier and when I got in my car the temp was 6 degrees with 66 miles left for fuel. My daughter came back with her homework and told me got 666 and writing a paper on the pit (coalmining). These are just 2 examples of things I’m coming across multiple times a day. I feel I’m been tortured I don’t want This, I want to be forgiven. I love god and Jesus and hate myself for what sins I’ve committed in my life. I started going back to church a few months ago after this vision and nothing seems to be helping x I fear the lord and am trying to change. I’m sick of failing him x please help x

Jesus took God's wrath on the cross for all who trust in him. If you believe this, it means you can focus on this in your afflictions instead of the afflictions. And know that as a believer, he paid for all of your sins. You must also turn from your sins and spend time reading his word. This brings peace of mind.

 

[Monk Brendan]

Just where did you get the idea that God would vent His spleen by torturing you?

 

[paul1149]

The thief on the cross didn't even express repentance, he simply honored Jesus by saying, "Remember me when you come into your kingdom". And Jesus responded by assuring him of eternal life.

Look at what Paul writes to the Galatians:

Now it is evident that no one is justified before God by the law, for “The righteous shall live by faith.”
But the law is not of faith, rather “The one who does them shall live by them.”
Christ redeemed us from the curse of the law by becoming a curse for us—for it is written, “Cursed is everyone who is hanged on a tree”— -Gal 3:11-13​

And to the Corinthians:

For the love of Christ controls us, because we have concluded this: that one has died for all, therefore all have died;
and he died for all, that those who live might no longer live for themselves but for him who for their sake died and was raised.
From now on, therefore, we regard no one according to the flesh. Even though we once regarded Christ according to the flesh, we regard him thus no longer.
Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.
All this is from God, who through Christ reconciled us to himself and gave us the ministry of reconciliation;
that is, in Christ God was reconciling the world to himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and entrusting to us the message of reconciliation.
Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, God making his appeal through us. We implore you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God.
For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God. -2Cor 5:14-21​

You see, when you give your life to Christ you are giving up your old life. The thief committed a capital crime. Peter denied Christ. Paul persecuted Christians to the death. They all were forgiven. They all had to leave their previous life behind and embrace living in Christ. This is why Paul writes:

But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ.
Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ
and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith—
that I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death,
that by any means possible I may attain the resurrection from the dead.
Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own.
Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead,
I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.
Let those of us who are mature think this way, and if in anything you think otherwise, God will reveal that also to you. -Phil 3:7-15​

Remember, it's the goodness of God that leads men to repentance. Place faith in Christ that He is good, that He will not turn you away. He has promised this to us. Keep in mind also Heb. 11.6 and Mt. 11.28-30.

 

[ExTiff]

It looks to me as if you are being harrowed ready for the gospel seed to be planted. The deeper you are ploughed the greater the growth of God's Word in you when that seed is planted and watered.

You need to find a private place to speak to God about your troubles, preferably out loud so you know exactly what you are saying to Him. Pray the sinners prayer and trust that God will never despise a humble and contrite heart. Isa.57:15. You my friend are about to get a new heart.

Ezek.36:26.

Then get on with your life and serve Jesus Christ wholeheartedly as your Lord and Saviour. Learn from him, his yoke is easy and his burden is light, but don't expect special privileges, His Way will now become your way, and it leads to a life of service, foot washing, learning and possibly the metaphorical equivalent of crucifixion. His way is the way we all must go. There is no other.

Having set out with that resolve, get the medical help you need. Whatever, all will be fine. Trust and love your Lord and Master, love should cast out the unhealthy fear that is in you, leaving only a healthy respect for your maker.

Get wisdom and insight from Him. Anything you do is fine by him as long as love is your guiding principle.

Learn as much about Jesus and his teaching as you can but whatever you do, do NOT become 'religious'. God hates 'religion', he loves 'love'. Luke 10:27.
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