Lost and scared.

[xElliex]

Hello everyone

First of all, I apologise in advance for my many grammar and spelling mistakes. English is not my first language and, sometimes, in the heat of the discussion, I tend to forget certain rules

I only registered on this forum last night but I have been browsing for a couple of days. I have also been browsing through other forums as well. I have barely slept and eaten in the past few days: my soul is on a mission to find an answer.

I am, I suppose, a craddle catholic. I went to a catholic school, was baptised, confirmed, etc, but I can't say I ever understood what I was doing. But, with this blissful purity that children all share, I always believed in Jesus, I always believed in the kindness of His Holy mother, I always believed in God. The Catholic Church was my church though I didn't know her that well.

And then I drifted away, I stopped believing (or so I thought). My spiritual journey would be too long to explain in great details and that would probably bore you to tears, but trust me when I say that I had a dormant volcano inside, just waiting to erupt! I tried to get rid of my spiritual side, but I couldn't, something my whispering in my ear. One day, I went to visit Glastonbury, and you can't understand how spiritual Glastonbury is until you visit it (and no, I am not talking about the Festival ) and it hit me. I was just lying to myself, I had always believed. But believed in what? So I did something that I had not done in ages and, of all things, I prayed to my guardian angel to show me the way. I would rather not tell what happened, but I understood that this turmoil I was feeling was the force and strength of Jesus's love calling me back to Him.

So I started thinking, for many months... What if I went to attend mass? I wasn't sure of that, I was hesitant, I was -and still am- scared of crowds and human beings. I prayed in empty churches, and little by little, I let myself be submerged by Jesus's love. I started reading the Bible. I cried reading it, its beauty just took my breath away. I then summed up all my courage and decided to go to mass, and so I went, last Sunday, and it felt GOOD. More than GOOD, for the first time since I was a child, I felt the presence of God in my heart.

Following mass, I decided to research my Church's teachings, I went on forums and then... I felt sick. I witnessed such bigotry, such self-righteousness, such hatred even. The fall was really harsh. I had placed the Catholic Church on such a high pedestal! That's not possible. So there I am, having found this safe little haven, trying to understand more about my faith.

I am not even expecting replies or ready made answers. I guess I just need people to pray for me and to guide me through their prayers. And maybe I also need people to share their struggles and journeys with me.

Pax vobiscum

 

[GrowingSmaller]

Pax vobiscum

 

[Magnus Maximus]

The Church is not full of bigotry and hatred. People are, people don't always follow what the church teaches or don't understand the meaning behind it. Don't be lost and scared God loves you, he loves you no ,atter what. If thats all you get from this, that is more than enough. I will keep you in my prayers

 

[xTx]

Hi, welcome to the thread. It is almost my first month here. I am an atheist and I found your church, that you said you were born into, the Roman Catholic Church through saying lots of Hail Marys.

People must be wondering why go through Mary. I don't know. Like how you prayed to your guarding angel I guess.

Your English is really good.

Well, hope you enjoy your stay here. Be warned, the first week or two here I experienced a bad experience which lasted for a while where at least two Christians trailed me in the threads to post not very nice things because I mentioned that I came to know Jesus through Mary.

Not trying to scare you away from the thread. I normally hang out in the Catholic threads. I find Catholics are kinder to those interested in Catholicism compared to other Christians.

What can I say? Continue attending mass. Learn more about your church. Don't let the anything people say about your church make you leave your church.

I think your church, is a good church. I truly think so.

Cheers,
xTx

 

[Laurilee]

Oh help. I am on a similar road. God help us both.

 

[xElliex]

Awww, I discovered all your replies just now (not very good with forums :o) BLESS YOU ALL Thank you Growing Small, Magnus Maximus, xTx and Laurilee.

I think I need "metaphysical peace", if that makes sense. My soul is really struggling at the moment, but this is a good struggle, if you see what I mean. I can feel I am about to grasp something very important but I still need to "work" (so to speak) on it

I know I should not judge my Church because of a few individuals, and I understand that now that I'm gaining confidence. It is just that when you are already in a fragile state, you stumble more easily and let people get to you. So from now on, every time I feel down, I read my pocket bible and meditate on Christ's message of love and tolerance, and it truly helps.

It also helps that I met a woman at church last Sunday. She was lovely and told me where to get the Newsletter for the parish, etc and we talked. It may not seem much, but I felt really welcomed by her

xTx, I don't understand why it is wrong that you discovered God through Mary? She is His Mother! I don't know if what I am about to say is heresy or not but...In a male dominated world, She is like a safe haven, a loving mother with whom you can share your doubt, so I think that praying to her is a really good thing. And yes, I prayed to my guardian angel a year ago, and this is how I rediscovered my faith, and I don't see why this is a bad thing. It changed me completely! I am about to get married and we decided to go for a Church wedding, something I wouldn't have imagined a year ago! God works in mysterious ways, who are we to judge? I certainly won't judge you, so you can share your faith with me

Laurilee, I will pray for you I have been my new "self" for a year now, and sometimes I feel like I am rediscovering the world, it's exhilarating! I'm not saying it's easy, sometimes, I still doubt when I am reading the CCC. And I will tell you the same as xTx, we can talk together about our faith, and I'll never judge you, I promise

So xTx and Laurilee, what are your stories?

It is so great to have people with whom to share all this! It's a relief. My fiancé listens, but I'm not sure he understands what I have been through so far.

Can't wait for church next Sunday now!!!!

 

[xElliex]

Your English is really good.

Thank you

Well, hope you enjoy your stay here. Be warned, the first week or two here I experienced a bad experience which lasted for a while where at least two Christians trailed me in the threads to post not very nice things because I mentioned that I came to know Jesus through Mary.

Ugh, so much for Christian love, eh?

 

[MoNiCa4316]

aw xElliex don't let some people on the internet draw you away from the Church just focus on Jesus because He loves you so much! When we go to Mass, it's us, Jesus, Mary, the Angels.. and we receive the Sacraments.. Jesus makes our souls pure in Confession and then we receive Him in the Eucharist that is the most beautiful part of our faith! Try to not be discouraged by what you witnessed on the forums, we're all on a journey to holiness but we still struggle, and sometimes when people argue they are struggling with that sin. It doesn't decrease the truth of the Church at all. There are many great Catholics too, and the Saints God bless you

ps: I'm a convert to Catholicism and it helped me to read the Catechism to learn more about the Church it also helped me to read books, and websites. If you need any recommendations please let us know

 

[xTx]

Oh help. I am on a similar road. God help us both.

Hi Laurilee, join the club. Except that I am interested in the Catholic faith. And, are you a cradle Catholic like xElliex?

As a new Christian, my faith is still like jelly, but it is getting better. Does not wobble as much as jelly. I get my strength from the people I meet here in CF.

I guess typing messages allows a person to think and rephrase themselves. And, the embarrassment of asking silly questions does not exist because you are not face to face with the person.

Honestly, I do not have the nerve to ask my Catholic friends questions I ask here.

A big thank you to everybody who has been responding. THANK YOU

And, Laurilee, welcome to the Forum.

 

[xTx]

Awww, I discovered all your replies just now (not very good with forums :o) BLESS YOU ALL Thank you Growing Small, Magnus Maximus, xTx and Laurilee.

You are welcome xElliex

I think I need "metaphysical peace", if that makes sense. My soul is really struggling at the moment, but this is a good struggle, if you see what I mean. I can feel I am about to grasp something very important but I still need to "work" (so to speak) on it

Keep focused on Jesus, you are doing good gal. Actually, who am I to tell you this Cheering you on

I know I should not judge my Church because of a few individuals, and I understand that now that I'm gaining confidence. It is just that when you are already in a fragile state, you stumble more easily and let people get to you. So from now on, every time I feel down, I read my pocket bible and meditate on Christ's message of love and tolerance, and it truly helps.

I am scared to tell people that I am interested in the Catholic church. Still scared. Honestly, I am such a coward.

It also helps that I met a woman at church last Sunday. She was lovely and told me where to get the Newsletter for the parish, etc and we talked. It may not seem much, but I felt really welcomed by her

xTx, I don't understand why it is wrong that you discovered God through Mary? She is His Mother! I don't know if what I am about to say is heresy or not but...In a male dominated world, She is like a safe haven, a loving mother with whom you can share your doubt, so I think that praying to her is a really good thing. And yes, I prayed to my guardian angel a year ago, and this is how I rediscovered my faith, and I don't see why this is a bad thing. It changed me completely! I am about to get married and we decided to go for a Church wedding, something I wouldn't have imagined a year ago! God works in mysterious ways, who are we to judge? I certainly won't judge you, so you can share your faith with me

Congratulations xElliex

Laurilee, I will pray for you I have been my new "self" for a year now, and sometimes I feel like I am rediscovering the world, it's exhilarating! I'm not saying it's easy, sometimes, I still doubt when I am reading the CCC. And I will tell you the same as xTx, we can talk together about our faith, and I'll never judge you, I promise

So xTx and Laurilee, what are your stories?

It is so great to have people with whom to share all this! It's a relief. My fiancé listens, but I'm not sure he understands what I have been through so far.

Can't wait for church next Sunday now!!!!

Ok am going to jump into honestly how I feel.

Because of the silly pastor in New York wanting to burn qurans. Have to monitor the situation to see if it is safe to attend mass on Sunday. There might be demonstrations. Please prayer for us. I most probably will not go to church. The news on the streets is, if the quran burning really takes place, they will demonstrate. So much for peace talks. If they light one quran, that is it. The whole scenario will add fuel to the fire of hatred forever. Where will peace be? Probably hiding under the carpet.

The pastor is sending the wrong message. If I was in New York, I will hold posters of love from Christians. Just posters of lots of love.

I was so scared yesterday when I read in other parts of this forum about the quran burning. At the moment, there are no plans to burn churches but they will demonstrate if the quran burning takes place.

Am scared. If anything happens, human rights activists will help, I hope. Please prayer for us. Mother Mary please prayer for your Christians in ? Amen. You know where we are. We need your prayers.

At the moment, I am a yoyo between scared and really scared.

 

[xTx]

Thank you

Ugh, so much for Christian love, eh?

You are welcome. Honestly, English is not my first language neither.

I think Christians, especially the Protestants are very intolerant people. I can easily get along with Catholics. Most of my Christian friends are Catholics.

Catholics do not tell you to your face that you are going to hell if you do not dunk yourself immediately. Some Protestants are a bit unChristian.

In RCIA, (not attending at the moment) they said that if we do not end up being baptised, it does not mean we will go to hell.

I greatly believe that the Church is there to guide you along. So you don't get lost in the wilderness. And, I am happy to report that I can see through all the "lies" or smoke screen that Protestants have placed around the RCC. There is so much to learn. The best part is, the Catholic Church was founded by Jesus. The deposit of faith is 2010 years old. Awesome.

 

[xElliex]

Oh how awful xTx! I shall certainly pray for you and think about you. Please stay safe.

I read about this "demonstration" on here as well as on the BBC. It gives such a bad image of Christians. The fact that they burn Bibles in the Middle east and make it difficult for Christians to worship does NOT mean that we are allowed to do the same things.

I do not understand their message either. What are they trying to achieve?

I agree with you, love should the message. I wonder what Jesus would have said

When I feel afraid, I pray to St Michael too. I have always felt really close to him:

Saint Michael the Archangel,
defend us in battle;
be our protection against the wickedness and snares of the devil.
May God rebuke him, we humbly pray:
and do thou, O Prince of the heavenly host,
by the power of God,
thrust into hell Satan and all the evil spirits
who prowl about the world seeking the ruin of souls.
Amen.

Please, be careful.

 

[xElliex]

You are welcome. Honestly, English is not my first language neither.

I think Christians, especially the Protestants are very intolerant people. I can easily get along with Catholics. Most of my Christian friends are Catholics.

Catholics do not tell you to your face that you are going to hell if you do not dunk yourself immediately. Some Protestants are a bit unChristian.

In RCIA, (not attending at the moment) they said that if we do not end up being baptised, it does not mean we will go to hell.

I greatly believe that the Church is there to guide you along. So you don't get lost in the wilderness. And, I am happy to report that I can see through all the "lies" or smoke screen that Protestants have placed around the RCC. There is so much to learn. The best part is, the Catholic Church was founded by Jesus. The deposit of faith is 2010 years old. Awesome.

Well, I am a bit biased, since my fiancé is anglican Although he insists that he is not a protestant (he explained but I can't understand why, I am not really good with theology!). I found some pretty scary RC online too

Well it doesn't show that you're not a native speaker!

 

[MoNiCa4316]

xTx, prayers for you, I hope God would keep you safe!! May He surround you with His angels and may Mother Mary watch over you

 

[xTx]

Hi xElliex

Thanks for the prayer to Saint Michael the Archangel.

I am happy to report that there is a lot of merriment and no news so far of any demos because the quran burning has been postponed.

Love, xTx

Saint Michael the Archangel,
defend us in battle;
be our protection against the wickedness and snares of the devil.
May God rebuke him, we humbly pray:
and do thou, O Prince of the heavenly host,
by the power of God,
thrust into hell Satan and all the evil spirits
who prowl about the world seeking the ruin of souls.
Amen.

 

[xElliex]

Hi xElliex

Thanks for the prayer to Saint Michael the Archangel.

I am happy to report that there is a lot of merriment and no news so far of any demos because the quran burning has been postponed.

Love, xTx

Saint Michael the Archangel,
defend us in battle;
be our protection against the wickedness and snares of the devil.
May God rebuke him, we humbly pray:
and do thou, O Prince of the heavenly host,
by the power of God,
thrust into hell Satan and all the evil spirits
who prowl about the world seeking the ruin of souls.
Amen.

They talked about it on the news here too! Be careful nonetheless, we never know. So are you gonna be able to go to mass?

 

[xElliex]

aw xElliex don't let some people on the internet draw you away from the Church just focus on Jesus because He loves you so much! When we go to Mass, it's us, Jesus, Mary, the Angels.. and we receive the Sacraments.. Jesus makes our souls pure in Confession and then we receive Him in the Eucharist that is the most beautiful part of our faith! Try to not be discouraged by what you witnessed on the forums, we're all on a journey to holiness but we still struggle, and sometimes when people argue they are struggling with that sin. It doesn't decrease the truth of the Church at all. There are many great Catholics too, and the Saints God bless you

ps: I'm a convert to Catholicism and it helped me to read the Catechism to learn more about the Church it also helped me to read books, and websites. If you need any recommendations please let us know

Thank you so much for your lovely post Monica

I have been reading a lot of Catechism online, I'll try to see if my local Christian bookstore has one (unfortunately, "local" means having to drive an hour, as there aren't many left )

I know I tend to focus too much on what people say, I worry of what they'll think of me, etc. And I shouldn't. Jesus didn't care what other thought of him, Mary didn't care about what could happen to her when she got pregnant as a maiden (she trusted God so completely, she is such a role model). And I should do the same.

Pax

 

[xTx]

Hi Monica & xElliex

I just got back from church. I was hoping to attend mass but they changed the time. There were other people who missed the mass. Anyway, I went into the church to pray.

While I was looking up at Mary, I got the idea that next time if I had any fears, to immediately ask Mary to come to my aid and not be worried or frightened of seeking Mary's intercessions.

I feel very thankful to God. that, I got home safely.

Thank you for your prayers Monica. God bless.

Before I went out to church, I did check to see what the situation was. The situation was a calm situation. I guess people are in good spirits.

When people are in a bad mood, that is when all the violence takes place.

xTx, prayers for you, I hope God would keep you safe!! May He surround you with His angels and may Mother Mary watch over you

They talked about it on the news here too!

Be careful nonetheless, we never know. So are you gonna be able to go to mass

 

[xTx]

Just dropping to say hi if anyone is around.

 

[MoNiCa4316]

Thank you so much for your lovely post Monica

I have been reading a lot of Catechism online, I'll try to see if my local Christian bookstore has one (unfortunately, "local" means having to drive an hour, as there aren't many left )

I know what you mean

do you have a Catholic bookstore around you? They always have the Catechism but general Christian bookstores sometimes have only Protestant books.

I know I tend to focus too much on what people say, I worry of what they'll think of me, etc. And I shouldn't. Jesus didn't care what other thought of him, Mary didn't care about what could happen to her when she got pregnant as a maiden (she trusted God so completely, she is such a role model). And I should do the same.

Pax

that is a good way to think it matters most of all what God thinks, and He always understands our hearts and intentions, when people often don't.

Hi Monica & xElliex

I just got back from church. I was hoping to attend mass but they changed the time. There were other people who missed the mass. Anyway, I went into the church to pray.

While I was looking up at Mary, I got the idea that next time if I had any fears, to immediately ask Mary to come to my aid and not be worried or frightened of seeking Mary's intercessions.

I feel very thankful to God. that, I got home safely.

Thank you for your prayers Monica. God bless.

Before I went out to church, I did check to see what the situation was. The situation was a calm situation. I guess people are in good spirits.

When people are in a bad mood, that is when all the violence takes place.

I'm glad the situation has improved! that is true about Mary she has helped me many times when the enemy was attacking me with doubts about God, etc.

God bless