My walk with Christ began 11 years ago (or sooner). He told me that I had built so many walls around myself that not even He could come in--then Jesus was gone and the walls fell.
Things were going well for a couple of months when my church suddenly began to self-destruct. People turned on the pastor and when he tried to quit, his wife was stricken with paralysis--evil infested that place.
The Holy Spirit warned me to stay clear, but I was too attached to this church to just up and walk away--I had no one else--my friends turned on me after my conversion and my family went berserk (not because of me--police were involved in both instances).
After months of grieving and trying to heal the church, I gave one of my "inspirational" speeches and half the people quit. The interim pastor was stricken ill and the deacons resigned in disgrace a week later. The church disbanded shortly thereafter.
I went across town to another church and it was deja vu--they turned on each other like a pack of jackals and disbanded a month later. I went to a larger church--all the members abandoned the church due to internal matters and I was a church orphan again--then 9/11 happened. I figured it was the end of the world or something.
I threw myself into my job working with the developmentally challenged. Four years later, I had a nervous breakdown and was put on psychomeds--they made me worse instead of better. I lost my job, my social contacts, my life savings, my car and my sanity in 6 months. It's taken me 4 years to regain my sanity (as much as it can be).
I returned to a church I once visited 10 years ago and realized how far away from God and humanity I am. I feel so empty and alone--I'm afraid that I have become so jaded that I don't even feel human anymore. I left the church feeling like a walking corpse.
I wonder if I wear the mark of Cain. Pray that I find my way out of this abyss I've fallen into, if that's possible.
Things were going well for a couple of months when my church suddenly began to self-destruct. People turned on the pastor and when he tried to quit, his wife was stricken with paralysis--evil infested that place.
The Holy Spirit warned me to stay clear, but I was too attached to this church to just up and walk away--I had no one else--my friends turned on me after my conversion and my family went berserk (not because of me--police were involved in both instances).
After months of grieving and trying to heal the church, I gave one of my "inspirational" speeches and half the people quit. The interim pastor was stricken ill and the deacons resigned in disgrace a week later. The church disbanded shortly thereafter.
I went across town to another church and it was deja vu--they turned on each other like a pack of jackals and disbanded a month later. I went to a larger church--all the members abandoned the church due to internal matters and I was a church orphan again--then 9/11 happened. I figured it was the end of the world or something.
I threw myself into my job working with the developmentally challenged. Four years later, I had a nervous breakdown and was put on psychomeds--they made me worse instead of better. I lost my job, my social contacts, my life savings, my car and my sanity in 6 months. It's taken me 4 years to regain my sanity (as much as it can be).
I returned to a church I once visited 10 years ago and realized how far away from God and humanity I am. I feel so empty and alone--I'm afraid that I have become so jaded that I don't even feel human anymore. I left the church feeling like a walking corpse.
I wonder if I wear the mark of Cain. Pray that I find my way out of this abyss I've fallen into, if that's possible.
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