lost and alone....

Well, first and foremost, I can tell you that you are not alone. You have a large family in Christ, and although only a small portion of that family is here at CF, there are plenty here who will be here for you when you need us. I can relate a lot to the feeling of being alone, I go to church by myself, I don't really know anyone there, and it's often very discouraging. But I go to worship God, to feel his presence which is amplified by the presence of many other believers. Keep strong, maybe you are backing away from God because you haven't accepted yourself completely? Accept yourself, realize your weaknesses, your sins, realize that they are forgiven and praise God for this...if you need someone to talk to, I should always be here

Hi Warren,

Caelum's right. You're not alone in feeling the way you're feeling.

First, the middle child thing. You sound like you have the classic "middle child syndrome." How is it that you feel that you cannot satisfy your parents? What is it that is expected out of you?

I feel VERY out of place going to church. The more I go, the more people I have saying "hi" to me, but it's still a very small amount. Remember, going to church isn't about the other people there. It's to worship God. On the days I feel very uncomfortable, it feels as if I make myself go. When I get there, I'm always very glad I went. I try to block how everyone else treats me (or doesn't) as it doesn't matter. Although, I know it doesn't make YOU feel any more comfortable.

You're doing to God what I do to Him and to people. I push people away when I feel that they're getting too close. God know EVERYTHING about me, yet I still find myself building a wall between us sometimes. It's hard. I know I have issues with trust. So don't think you're doing something that no one else is going through/has gone through. I think there probably quite a few of us that struggle with this. I believe that you recognizing you do that is a start. Now you can work at it. I find that I bury myself in His word when I get like this (which is lately).

There's no reason that you should drop your friends. However, if you feel that the environment isn't god for you, it's not a bad idea to separate yourself from the situation for awhile. Have you talked with your friends? Are they the type that would be receptive to you talking to them, or would they brush your issues to the side? Maybe limit what sort of activities that you do with them. If you've been partying with them a lot lately and you feel that's negative, maybe you should leave the partying to others. Instead, pick up a basketball game or something else do with them that isn't in a very distructive environment.

And relationships . . . well, I dropped that from my list right now. As much as I'd like to find myself a nice, honest, Christian man . . . it's too much for me to deal with while working on the other things in my life, including building my relationship with Christ.

So whenever you're feeling alone, drop any of us a line. In a sad sort of way, it's nice to know that there are other people in the world that are going through similar situations.

I've never fit in anywhere and I still don't. No wait there is one place I fit perfectly.
In My heavenly Father's loving arms.

From your post , you seem to be troubled on many sides, I know how that feels Warren.

I suggest you get before God, a nice quiet place, and air your concerns to Him.
Discuss in detail, your feelings ,thoughts, reasonings, desires, plans, the whole lot.
He love to hear His children, and He is especially intentative when one of His kids is troubled and seeks comfort and help.

If you do this with an open and trusting heart , He will reveal what needs to be revealed to you at this time that will give you clear direction and purpose and explain many or some of the things that are troubling you.

We all go through desert experiences and valleys of dispair. It's part of our walk with Him.
Ask Him and you shall receive what he knows you need.
Seek Him and he shall give what he knows you need.

It can also be that you, as you journey on your path, have come to a crossroad or a vast open plane. This can be unsettling and disorientating at first.
But God is ALWAYS in front leading. Keep your eyes on Him and follow Him.

I know this may sound a little vague, but from what you have said in your post, there are multiple issues going on in your life. Multiple issues can really overwhelm a person, so that's why I suggest just going to God and lay it all out there for Him to see.

In all honesty, sometimes that's all you need to do for God to work amazing things in your life. Allowing God into your troubles and asking Him to comfort you and guide you and explain things and ALSO to reveal to you deep things about yourself is one of God's greatest joys.

Great healing and clarity and joy and life arise from interactions such as this.


Sounds like to me that God is moving in your life and it's unsettling.
This is a common feeling when God does that, don't fret about it.

I agree with Caelum, you aren't alone. You are far from alone. There are so many who feel the way you do. I feel the way you do. There are so many times when I just feel seperated and as if no one wants me around and no one even tries to make me feel welcome. But there is hope beyond that. No matter how far you feel from God, he is right next to you. I've been at that far-from-God place that you are at. It feels like a desert island full of demons that want to suck out your blood and eat you slowly. But don't give in, keep striving on towards the light. I won't promise that it'll get better, or easier, or anything in the up direction, but you will be able to handle it better. You will learn the ways of Christ and he will instill in you his ways and his sight. Things will change inside of you, but the demons on the outside will stay the same. Pray constantly and never let Jesus go.