Loss

[lavenderbees]

I lost my mother and her sister in the same year. They were both like mothers to me as I had lived with them as a child and young person. It was like losing my mother twice.

Unfortunately, I developed a serious depressive illness a month after my aunt's funeral. Her death was the last straw. I was left feeling that both deaths had been preventable but especially my dear aunt's death.

In the depths of my despair I was awoken each morning at 5.00am by thoughts which persecuted me and blamed me for neglecting my mother and aunt. They were relentless. They would not listen to reason. I tried reasoning with them but they would not stop.

In the end I went to the emergency department of the local hospital and begged them to give me something to get rid of the persecution. The psychiatrist told me that I was still sane but if it had gone on much longer I would have lost my mind.

After three months on SSRI drugs I am back to normal and coping OK. I still get depressed but the persecutory "voices" disappeared soon after I started the drugs.

What makes my situation worse is that I have difficulty believing in an after-life. If only I had faith, I think that I would not have suffered so much. (Mr Dawkins has a lot to answer for.)

 

[NoelAsa]

I am so sorry about your mother and aunt. It was a double tragedy for you. It is normal to wonder if you could have done something to have prevented these deaths if you were told that they were preventable. I have known a few people who have done the same thing. You can not second guess what you should or could have done.

My husband died of cancer almost four years ago and I still believe that I could have done some things differently. If I had just pushed the doctors more and so forth. A friend of mine lost her daughter and she was also plagued with these thoughts. You are doing no one any good thinking this way.

It was wonderful that you went to the emergency room and got the help that you needed. A lot of people would not have done that. Being depressed after a death is common.

I also attended grief counseling and it helped me a great deal. You might want to look into seeing what is available for you. It was a great comfort to me to be around people who understood what I was going through. It also does not matter how soon or long ago the death was as the counseling will help.

I believe that people do go to heaven and it helped me with the death of my husband. If you do not have faith please start reading your bible and going to church. Praying that you will find the salvation in our Lord and Savior.

 

[lavenderbees]

Thank you for your kind words.
I have been helped, recently, by going to church more often.
I am trying to build up my faith again.
Thank you. God bless.