First, let me say I'm capable of being positive. However, I've been through alot of rough stuff emotionally, so being positive isn't my forte at all ( I know I'm cynical). With what I've been through with life, it's hard to be positive.
I can list things in my life I'm thankful for: a roof over my head, clean water and electricity, food, clothing, a boyfriend who loves me for who I am despite my many character flaws and emotional wounds and expresses this love in a very real way, and my family who
loves and cares about me
Essentially, I'm really depressed. My life has been completely uprooted ever since I moved to where I'm at. It's been 10 months since I moved from where I was to where I'm currently living. I still haven't managed to "fit in". It's extremely difficult for me to make friends here because I don't know anybody here (that exacerbates things because making friends is difficult enough to begin with).
I went from a life I enjoyed, to a life I really despise because of where I live. I had friends and a church I enjoyed going to, where the theology was good, I had chances to serve God, and I had friends and a semi-decent job (it a decent amount of income, which I was grateful for).
Ever since I moved here, things have been a complete bust. My friends have become so absorbed with their lives, essentially the friendship is non-existent and they can't even bother to return a phone call, so I've simply cut contact with them for the most part. I have felt lonely ever since I moved here. My family is scattered in Florida; in order to visit them, well it's a half hour from where I live.
Recently my mother went up to Michigan, because she is what they call a snowbird (she spends 6 months in Florida during the autumn and winter months; when spring arrives she goes up to Michigan and stays there until about September or so). Contact has been sporadic with her and I do miss her.
I applied for a new job which I thought was a blessing from God; instead it turned out to be a nightmare. They promised me a position I applied for. Yet I get past the paperwork aspect of training, and they automatically judge me, not based upon watching my performance with the position I applied for, but assuming I wasn't capable of doing the job. In addition to this, they gave me horrible hours (so bad the income was very poor) and no matter how many times I requested that I needed better hours then the meager
amount they provided they ignored my requests (yes I did so politely and I didn't try to come on as overzealous).
I have recently suffered the loss of my father; he passed away two months ago. Unfortunately I've had a guilt trip regarding the status of our relationship with our relationship when he died, which has plagued me to no end. Unfortunately we didn't have the greatest relationship. When I moved up to where I do is when things started to become bad. We argued frequently; I was in the process of becoming independent and making choices for myself, essentially living my own life. My parents, especially my father, didn't adjust well to this change.
There was a rift in our relationship and I know the reason for it; he wasn't saved and I was. He responded with animosity toward the fact I loved God and thought that me being a Christian had a "bad influence on me" and that I was brainwashed because of attending church. It was hard to know how to love him, because we lived such different lifestyles. I feel guilty because I know I reacted in poor ways (such as my temper got the better of me many times). However I also know that our personalities clashed; he was stubborn, short tempered, he made a huge deal out of little things that didn't matter, and was cynical sometimes. I possess many of these character flaws
myself. Still I feel I could have shared the love of Christ in a better manor with my actions in the way I did.
Worst off is the fact that I don't even know if he was saved; thus I have no closure with where he is spending eternity. His health wasn't the greatest, he was in constant pain and sorrow toward the end of his life.
Rather then receiving comfort and peace, which is what I desire for him because I love him, if what I believe is true regarding his salvation, well his pain and sorrow is literally exacerbated. I feel like where he maybe spending eternity is my fault because I didn't act like the ideal Christian at times when witnessing
to him. It was hard to do when I received persecution for the fact that I loved God from him. I did try my best to share the love of Christ to him the best I knew how; I know I made mistakes, but I'm human. I also know it was his choice to accept or reject the love of Christ and that my job was merely to show it to him and tell the message of salvation to him the best I knew how, but without sugarcoating things. My head knows all this to be true; it doesn't change the fact that I have a heaviness in my heart and I feel guilty in my heart.
I have no clue how to share the love of Christ to my mom now that my dad has passed. She is proving to be amazingly resilient with the grieving process. It has only been a month since she went back to Michigan and she is coping tremendously. Many of her friends and
family are in Michigan, which helps.
She tries to stay busy and
keep her mind occupied so as not dwell on the pain and sorrow.
All I can really do is spend time with my mom and keep in touch with her via e-mail or talking on the phone with her. I really don't know what else to do, I just feel like what I'm doing isn't enough. When she feels lonely or is in pain and sorrow regarding this whole mess for her, I wish I could do more, provide solace in some way, but I know I can't. Losing a spouse, true friend, or loved one is something you never get over.
I really don't know what to do. I don't like living here, my life has been completely uprooted from almost everything I held dear. Trying to find a new church is proving to be a living nightmare. All the churches my boyfriend and I have visited are traditional (which I have nothing against, but it's not my cup of tea) or pentecostal. Pentecostal I don't care for either, because they can be so overzealous with their worship they fail to think that they might be coming on so strong it could be intimidating or offending a non-believer. To not think about how your actions with witnessing affect non-believers is just rude (and yes I believe worship is a witnessing opportunity and should be considerate to those who aren't saved around you). I realize they live by a different set of morals and all, but they deserve to be treated in a polite and respectful fashion, which includes worship. Unfortunately moving where I am isn't an option. I am under a lease at the apartment I currently reside, and I know to break it wouldn't be a wise move (on the contrary, I know it would be a really foolish move).
People have given suggestions that I should keep my mind occupied with hobbies and that way I won't dwell on the loneliness. This is only a temporary solution, a bandage if you will. Once my mind isn't occupied by said hobby (and I have a plethora of them) then I feel lonely again. Hobbies don't replace a true relationship with an actual human being. All I'm asking for is a genuine Christian who lives in the same state. That even if their life becomes busy, they'll make time for the relationship and not just allow it to drift. My belief is if you treasure the relationship with the person, you don't just allow it to drift. You make time for them, and you make the the sincere effort to make sure communication lines are open in the relationship.
I can list things in my life I'm thankful for: a roof over my head, clean water and electricity, food, clothing, a boyfriend who loves me for who I am despite my many character flaws and emotional wounds and expresses this love in a very real way, and my family who
loves and cares about me
Essentially, I'm really depressed. My life has been completely uprooted ever since I moved to where I'm at. It's been 10 months since I moved from where I was to where I'm currently living. I still haven't managed to "fit in". It's extremely difficult for me to make friends here because I don't know anybody here (that exacerbates things because making friends is difficult enough to begin with).
I went from a life I enjoyed, to a life I really despise because of where I live. I had friends and a church I enjoyed going to, where the theology was good, I had chances to serve God, and I had friends and a semi-decent job (it a decent amount of income, which I was grateful for).
Ever since I moved here, things have been a complete bust. My friends have become so absorbed with their lives, essentially the friendship is non-existent and they can't even bother to return a phone call, so I've simply cut contact with them for the most part. I have felt lonely ever since I moved here. My family is scattered in Florida; in order to visit them, well it's a half hour from where I live.
Recently my mother went up to Michigan, because she is what they call a snowbird (she spends 6 months in Florida during the autumn and winter months; when spring arrives she goes up to Michigan and stays there until about September or so). Contact has been sporadic with her and I do miss her.
I applied for a new job which I thought was a blessing from God; instead it turned out to be a nightmare. They promised me a position I applied for. Yet I get past the paperwork aspect of training, and they automatically judge me, not based upon watching my performance with the position I applied for, but assuming I wasn't capable of doing the job. In addition to this, they gave me horrible hours (so bad the income was very poor) and no matter how many times I requested that I needed better hours then the meager
amount they provided they ignored my requests (yes I did so politely and I didn't try to come on as overzealous).
I have recently suffered the loss of my father; he passed away two months ago. Unfortunately I've had a guilt trip regarding the status of our relationship with our relationship when he died, which has plagued me to no end. Unfortunately we didn't have the greatest relationship. When I moved up to where I do is when things started to become bad. We argued frequently; I was in the process of becoming independent and making choices for myself, essentially living my own life. My parents, especially my father, didn't adjust well to this change.
There was a rift in our relationship and I know the reason for it; he wasn't saved and I was. He responded with animosity toward the fact I loved God and thought that me being a Christian had a "bad influence on me" and that I was brainwashed because of attending church. It was hard to know how to love him, because we lived such different lifestyles. I feel guilty because I know I reacted in poor ways (such as my temper got the better of me many times). However I also know that our personalities clashed; he was stubborn, short tempered, he made a huge deal out of little things that didn't matter, and was cynical sometimes. I possess many of these character flaws
myself. Still I feel I could have shared the love of Christ in a better manor with my actions in the way I did.
Worst off is the fact that I don't even know if he was saved; thus I have no closure with where he is spending eternity. His health wasn't the greatest, he was in constant pain and sorrow toward the end of his life.
Rather then receiving comfort and peace, which is what I desire for him because I love him, if what I believe is true regarding his salvation, well his pain and sorrow is literally exacerbated. I feel like where he maybe spending eternity is my fault because I didn't act like the ideal Christian at times when witnessing
to him. It was hard to do when I received persecution for the fact that I loved God from him. I did try my best to share the love of Christ to him the best I knew how; I know I made mistakes, but I'm human. I also know it was his choice to accept or reject the love of Christ and that my job was merely to show it to him and tell the message of salvation to him the best I knew how, but without sugarcoating things. My head knows all this to be true; it doesn't change the fact that I have a heaviness in my heart and I feel guilty in my heart.
I have no clue how to share the love of Christ to my mom now that my dad has passed. She is proving to be amazingly resilient with the grieving process. It has only been a month since she went back to Michigan and she is coping tremendously. Many of her friends and
family are in Michigan, which helps.
She tries to stay busy and
keep her mind occupied so as not dwell on the pain and sorrow.
All I can really do is spend time with my mom and keep in touch with her via e-mail or talking on the phone with her. I really don't know what else to do, I just feel like what I'm doing isn't enough. When she feels lonely or is in pain and sorrow regarding this whole mess for her, I wish I could do more, provide solace in some way, but I know I can't. Losing a spouse, true friend, or loved one is something you never get over.
I really don't know what to do. I don't like living here, my life has been completely uprooted from almost everything I held dear. Trying to find a new church is proving to be a living nightmare. All the churches my boyfriend and I have visited are traditional (which I have nothing against, but it's not my cup of tea) or pentecostal. Pentecostal I don't care for either, because they can be so overzealous with their worship they fail to think that they might be coming on so strong it could be intimidating or offending a non-believer. To not think about how your actions with witnessing affect non-believers is just rude (and yes I believe worship is a witnessing opportunity and should be considerate to those who aren't saved around you). I realize they live by a different set of morals and all, but they deserve to be treated in a polite and respectful fashion, which includes worship. Unfortunately moving where I am isn't an option. I am under a lease at the apartment I currently reside, and I know to break it wouldn't be a wise move (on the contrary, I know it would be a really foolish move).
People have given suggestions that I should keep my mind occupied with hobbies and that way I won't dwell on the loneliness. This is only a temporary solution, a bandage if you will. Once my mind isn't occupied by said hobby (and I have a plethora of them) then I feel lonely again. Hobbies don't replace a true relationship with an actual human being. All I'm asking for is a genuine Christian who lives in the same state. That even if their life becomes busy, they'll make time for the relationship and not just allow it to drift. My belief is if you treasure the relationship with the person, you don't just allow it to drift. You make time for them, and you make the the sincere effort to make sure communication lines are open in the relationship.
