Losing Sanity... Please Help...

[SignalFire]

I have a strange problem.

Ever since I can remember, I’ve struggled to believe in God. “Why believe in some guy way off in the clouds?” my subconscious questions. I know, I know, people tell me that you can believe in God because Jesus came, but lately it’s seemed like that’s just another folk tale embellished by Christianity. Sure Jesus came, but was he the messiah? Was he sent from this mysterious God figure? Every culture has their myths.

I’ve searched everywhere for answers. I read The Case For Christ and The Case for Faith by Lee Strobel, and I’m currently working on More Than A Carpenter by Josh McDowell. Sometimes, it feels like I’m trying to brainwash myself. I feel like I’m perpetually embarking on this great spiritual journey, but it’s like I’ve already got my decision all figured out: I will believe in God in the end. I can’t trust my own judgment anymore.

But it’s not mere lack of faith that’s troubling me now. Every time I face God in prayer I wind up on my knees, so close to cutting myself out of desperate penance for faithlessness and yet, at the same time, so lost without God. I’m truly afraid of myself, for I think that I’m losing my sanity. This state I get in every time I cry out to God destroys me, and then leaves me in paranoid, anxious fits. I’m tormented by nightmares and paranoid fears in my waking hours. It’s only by avoiding talking to God that I can avoid this onslaught of insanity. I know that you’re supposed to follow God through anything, even insanity, but would I really be doing God that much good in a straight jacket? I don’t know what to do. I can’t face God because it’ll destroy me. I can’t pray without losing it. And just waiting like this? I feel like I’m not doing enough. Like I’m giving up on God.

Please, someone help me. I’ve been at the end of my rope for so long, and I’m on the verge of giving in either to insanity or atheism.

Please help me.

 

[missionary1]

I have a strange problem.

Ever since I can remember, I’ve struggled to believe in God. “Why believe in some guy way off in the clouds?” my subconscious questions. I know, I know, people tell me that you can believe in God because Jesus came, but lately it’s seemed like that’s just another folk tale embellished by Christianity. Sure Jesus came, but was he the messiah? Was he sent from this mysterious God figure? Every culture has their myths.

I’ve searched everywhere for answers. I read The Case For Christ and The Case for Faith by Lee Strobel, and I’m currently working on More Than A Carpenter by Josh McDowell. Sometimes, it feels like I’m trying to brainwash myself. I feel like I’m perpetually embarking on this great spiritual journey, but it’s like I’ve already got my decision all figured out: I will believe in God in the end. I can’t trust my own judgment anymore.

But it’s not mere lack of faith that’s troubling me now. Every time I face God in prayer I wind up on my knees, so close to cutting myself out of desperate penance for faithlessness and yet, at the same time, so lost without God. I’m truly afraid of myself, for I think that I’m losing my sanity. This state I get in every time I cry out to God destroys me, and then leaves me in paranoid, anxious fits. I’m tormented by nightmares and paranoid fears in my waking hours. It’s only by avoiding talking to God that I can avoid this onslaught of insanity. I know that you’re supposed to follow God through anything, even insanity, but would I really be doing God that much good in a straight jacket? I don’t know what to do. I can’t face God because it’ll destroy me. I can’t pray without losing it. And just waiting like this? I feel like I’m not doing enough. Like I’m giving up on God.

Please, someone help me. I’ve been at the end of my rope for so long, and I’m on the verge of giving in either to insanity or atheism.

Please help me.

Hello SignalFire,

There is help for you!

When we seek God with all our heart, all our soul, all our strength and with all our mind we will find Him...

How much time to you spend reading the Bible?

 

[Amin]

I have a strange problem.

Ever since I can remember, I’ve struggled to believe in God. “Why believe in some guy way off in the clouds?” my subconscious questions. I know, I know, people tell me that you can believe in God because Jesus came, but lately it’s seemed like that’s just another folk tale embellished by Christianity. Sure Jesus came, but was he the messiah? Was he sent from this mysterious God figure? Every culture has their myths.

I’ve searched everywhere for answers. I read The Case For Christ and The Case for Faith by Lee Strobel, and I’m currently working on More Than A Carpenter by Josh McDowell. Sometimes, it feels like I’m trying to brainwash myself. I feel like I’m perpetually embarking on this great spiritual journey, but it’s like I’ve already got my decision all figured out: I will believe in God in the end. I can’t trust my own judgment anymore.

But it’s not mere lack of faith that’s troubling me now. Every time I face God in prayer I wind up on my knees, so close to cutting myself out of desperate penance for faithlessness and yet, at the same time, so lost without God. I’m truly afraid of myself, for I think that I’m losing my sanity. This state I get in every time I cry out to God destroys me, and then leaves me in paranoid, anxious fits. I’m tormented by nightmares and paranoid fears in my waking hours. It’s only by avoiding talking to God that I can avoid this onslaught of insanity. I know that you’re supposed to follow God through anything, even insanity, but would I really be doing God that much good in a straight jacket? I don’t know what to do. I can’t face God because it’ll destroy me. I can’t pray without losing it. And just waiting like this? I feel like I’m not doing enough. Like I’m giving up on God.

Please, someone help me. I’ve been at the end of my rope for so long, and I’m on the verge of giving in either to insanity or atheism.

Please help me.

Hi, I just wanted to say some things that happened to me, so that maybe it might help. My father was sick for 12 years before he passed away. I always have believed there was a God, but i have'nt always been a christian.
While my father was sick, i used to challenge God, because i was angry with him, because of my dad.
I used to say: Who do you think you are?, we suffer in this world, and if we don't suffer the way you want us to,
then we suffer again in hell. I was so angry with God, that i would actually challenge him to what some might call a fight. I wanted him to appear so we could settle things, because i did'nt think he was fair. This type of struggling went on for quite a while. When my father was coming close to his death, i became very frightened.
I did'nt think i could handle my father leaveing. So, guess what i did? When the time came, i walked off to another room,(he was at home) and the same God that i used to argue with and curse, i turned too for help. I prayed: God, i can't handle my dads' dying, please help me get thru this. What happened after that was nothing
short of a miracle. All the feelings of fear, and all that goes with it, suddenly seemed to melt away. I actually got to see him take his last breath, but i was OK, there was'nt any fear whatsoever. The God i thought to be unfair, reached down and saved me from myself, because that's how much he loves us. Shortly after that, i accepted Christ as my Saviour, was baptized. I served quite a while in my church. Then, somehow, i aquired anxiety, and depression, but this time is different. Now instead of blameing him, i, plus other people, pray to him for my healing. If He chooses to heal me, that would be great, if He does'nt, that's OK too, because i know he's real, and that thru it all, i know he's there. I don't feel that all the time, but in times like that, i have to trust his word, and not my, thoughts, or emotions.
I pray that you will discover his reality, and all that He is. I hope you don't mind my saying so, but, God Bless,
and Take Care of You. Amin.(short for the musical note, Aminor)

 

[SignalFire]

Thank you guys for responding....

I don't spend a whole lot of time reading my Bible on my own, but I went to an extremely indepth Bible study for 4 years straight... I'm still really learning how to understand the Bible. I have this problem where every time I read it I just encounter a bunch of verses talking about judgment, and I'm afraid of misinterpreting them. Once I tried randomly opening it about five times, just to see what would pop up, and what I found reduced me to tears. I haven't tried too much since then.

Thank you, Amin, for sharing your story. I've no doubt that you had an amazing experience. My problem is that I've been battling it out ASKING for an experience of my own for about five years. I'm about to give up on asking, give up on prayer entirely... Is that really bad? Because, you see, prayer is only causing me more pain. Should I just put it in God's hands, assuming he exists, or must I try to do something myself? Am I okay here?

 

[missionary1]

Thank you guys for responding....

I don't spend a whole lot of time reading my Bible on my own, but I went to an extremely indepth Bible study for 4 years straight... I'm still really learning how to understand the Bible. I have this problem where every time I read it I just encounter a bunch of verses talking about judgment, and I'm afraid of misinterpreting them. Once I tried randomly opening it about five times, just to see what would pop up, and what I found reduced me to tears. I haven't tried too much since then.

Thank you, Amin, for sharing your story. I've no doubt that you had an amazing experience. My problem is that I've been battling it out ASKING for an experience of my own for about five years. I'm about to give up on asking, give up on prayer entirely... Is that really bad? Because, you see, prayer is only causing me more pain. Should I just put it in God's hands, assuming he exists, or must I try to do something myself? Am I okay here?

Hi again SignalFire,

Effort produces results and you must read the Bible daily. Our Father rewards us for that effort. The more you read the more you will understand.

Start reading the Book of Matthew then Mark, Luke and John which is the first four books of the New Testament.

Randomly opening the Bible can get you into trouble. Studying it will produce what you are looking for.

There in no other way...

I pray that you receive what you are looking for...

God bless you

 

[goldenviolet]

SignalFire you just keep your heart open and keep learning about your Father. the bible promises He will draw close to you as you draw close to Him.
going through doubts is really part of us. God will help you build upon your relationship and beliefs. these other posts have pretty good examples... He loves us first. blessings! love dee

 

[missionary1]

Thank you guys for responding....

I don't spend a whole lot of time reading my Bible on my own, but I went to an extremely indepth Bible study for 4 years straight... I'm still really learning how to understand the Bible. I have this problem where every time I read it I just encounter a bunch of verses talking about judgment, and I'm afraid of misinterpreting them. Once I tried randomly opening it about five times, just to see what would pop up, and what I found reduced me to tears. I haven't tried too much since then.

Thank you, Amin, for sharing your story. I've no doubt that you had an amazing experience. My problem is that I've been battling it out ASKING for an experience of my own for about five years. I'm about to give up on asking, give up on prayer entirely... Is that really bad? Because, you see, prayer is only causing me more pain. Should I just put it in God's hands, assuming he exists, or must I try to do something myself? Am I okay here?

What kind of experience are you looking for?

 

[BOJAX]

Sounds like Satan has got a serious stronghold on your mind. Only satan would condemn you like that. Which explains why you feel better when you don't pray or read the bible. He doesn't want you to submit to God. I agree with the others, you should read your bible more frequently. I would also recommend reading it prayerfully. Like ask God to open your mind to the wisdom he will reveal to you through his word by the holy spirit. Also, ask him to manifest this wisdom in your heart so you can apply it.

Hope this will help
praying for you

Jamie

 

[strengthinweakness]

SignalFire, I empathize with your struggles. I have had many of the same problems with faith and prayer. Don't give up-- Christianity is real and true. It will withstand scrutiny. Unlike other faiths, there is an incredible amount of evidence for the truth of Christianity. Keep reading. Lee Strobel's books are pretty good, and Josh McDowell's More Than A Carpenter is a decent "entry-level" look at the evidence for Christianity. However, I can think of two books which may be better for someone who is struggling with Christian belief (and there are probably many more): I Don't Have Enough Faith To Be An Atheist, by Norman Geisler and Frank Turek, and Answers to Tough Questions That Skeptics Ask About the Christian Faith, by Josh McDowell and
Don Stewart.

About understanding the Bible, it may be helpful for you to get a good study Bible with notes and commentary that explain the themes and contexts of different books of the Bible. Look for the Reformation Study Bible in the English Standard Version translation. It has been widely acclaimed by Bible scholars and pastors. Also, I haven't yet read it myself, but many people have found the book, Knowing Scripture, by R.C. Sproul, to be helpful in understanding the Bible.

Don't let Satan keep you from praying. God knows that you are having difficulty. Ask Him for the strength and courage to pray. I know, I know, it sounds paradoxical-- asking God to help you come to Him. This is a spiritual battle though, and you simply can't fight it out of your own strength. Cry out to God for help. Prayers don't have to be said in a certain way with "fancy" or "spiritual-sounding" words. God loves short, desperate prayers! He is pleased with any sincere attempt that His children make to come to Him. Don't feel that you have to do "penance for faithlessness." Tell God that you long for more faith, and ask Him for it. He is not looking to "destroy" you for lack of faith. You are His child, and He loves you. I wouldn't worry about having a certain kind of spiritual "experience." The truth is still the truth, regardless of how we feel or what kind of "experiences" we do or do not have. Christians who depend on intense emotional feelings or special experiences for their faith are constantly up and down, back and forth-- I speak from my own past experience. God does not want such anguish for His children. Please take care, and I will be praying for you.

 

[SignalFire]

Thank you again for all your responses. They made me break down and cry and ask God, yet again, for help.

About what kind of experience I’m looking for… I’m not sure how to explain this; it might take awhile. You see, I’m the type of person who’s used to putting my mind to things and having them work out. I’m only 17 and I’m already a work-aholic because if I’m told I can do something, I believe it. The problem is that about five years ago I put my mind to discovering whether or not there was a God. And for that entire year I broke down periodically and cried and begged God for help in utter desperation. He’d respond soon, I told myself after a year. But then the next year I did the same thing, begging God for faith every night as I said my bedtime prayers and attending all the Bible classes I could get to and reading a bunch of supplementary books. The year after I did the same thing, and the next, and even now I’m still clinging to this little faith that God will eventually SOMEHOW make me believe again. But after so long, I can’t help but feel a bit bitter at God. After all these sessions of crying my eyes out and screaming and cutting myself, I feel like it’s God’s turn. A few months ago I got so desperate that I cried out not to God but to every other deity in every religion on earth. I asked them to kill me. If they existed, which consequentially meant that God didn’t exist, I didn’t want to live. That was such a painful thing to do. I was convinced, for a brief time, that I was about to die, and although the fact that I’m still here must mean something, my desperation is still just as strong. After five years, I feel like it’s God’s responsibility to react to this, to help me now. I’ve tried so much, everything I can think of, but it’s torn me apart. I don’t feel that he’s done his duty all this time. I know that’s bad to feel like that, but lying to myself hasn’t gotten me anywhere.

I will definitely pick up copies of I Don't Have Enough Faith To Be An Atheist and Answers to Tough Questions That Skeptics Ask About the Christian Faith. My one problem with those kinds of books, though, seems to be that I always feel like I’m trying to prove to myself SCIENTIFICALLY that God is real. I feel like I’m in math class, balancing equations so I can see what “x” equals. I still feel like God should show himself a bit more.

I will continue to pray about all this. It tears me up inside, trying to believe, and I feel as if I’m teetering on the edge of sanity itself, but I’ll try. I just wish God would respond, after all these years… I don’t know how, I just wish he would. I wish, with all my heart, that I could believe. But I don’t know how to.

 

[missionary1]

Thank you again for all your responses. They made me break down and cry and ask God, yet again, for help.

About what kind of experience I’m looking for… I’m not sure how to explain this; it might take awhile. You see, I’m the type of person who’s used to putting my mind to things and having them work out. I’m only 17 and I’m already a work-aholic because if I’m told I can do something, I believe it. The problem is that about five years ago I put my mind to discovering whether or not there was a God. And for that entire year I broke down periodically and cried and begged God for help in utter desperation. He’d respond soon, I told myself after a year. But then the next year I did the same thing, begging God for faith every night as I said my bedtime prayers and attending all the Bible classes I could get to and reading a bunch of supplementary books. The year after I did the same thing, and the next, and even now I’m still clinging to this little faith that God will eventually SOMEHOW make me believe again. But after so long, I can’t help but feel a bit bitter at God. After all these sessions of crying my eyes out and screaming and cutting myself, I feel like it’s God’s turn. A few months ago I got so desperate that I cried out not to God but to every other deity in every religion on earth. I asked them to kill me. If they existed, which consequentially meant that God didn’t exist, I didn’t want to live. That was such a painful thing to do. I was convinced, for a brief time, that I was about to die, and although the fact that I’m still here must mean something, my desperation is still just as strong. After five years, I feel like it’s God’s responsibility to react to this, to help me now. I’ve tried so much, everything I can think of, but it’s torn me apart. I don’t feel that he’s done his duty all this time. I know that’s bad to feel like that, but lying to myself hasn’t gotten me anywhere.

I will definitely pick up copies of I Don't Have Enough Faith To Be An Atheist and Answers to Tough Questions That Skeptics Ask About the Christian Faith. My one problem with those kinds of books, though, seems to be that I always feel like I’m trying to prove to myself SCIENTIFICALLY that God is real. I feel like I’m in math class, balancing equations so I can see what “x” equals. I still feel like God should show himself a bit more.

I will continue to pray about all this. It tears me up inside, trying to believe, and I feel as if I’m teetering on the edge of sanity itself, but I’ll try. I just wish God would respond, after all these years… I don’t know how, I just wish he would. I wish, with all my heart, that I could believe. But I don’t know how to.

Thank you for sharing with us SignalFire...

The Bible tells us that "when we" seek the Lord our God with all our heart, with all our soul, with all our strength and with all our mind "we will" find Him.

It is our responsibility to seek Him and not the other way around.

Many times we try to "mold" God into our image instead of allowing Him to "mold" us into His.

Jesus is very clear about not giving "signs" to cause someone to believe in Him. We must "humble" ourselves before Him and no other.

When we try to do it our way and we find ourselves in trouble.

The best way for you see daylight is to start reading your Bible on a consistant basis. You will find peace and comfort when you do this.

Our Father will deliver you in His timing. You must be patient and surround yourself with mature Born Again Christians. Go to church on Sundays. God will show you where He wants you to go.

This is your only way out...

We are all here to help you and we want to help you. This is what Christianity is all about...

Until next time...May the Good God of heaven bless you forever!

 

[bugg1]

I strngly agree with Bojax. Its satan and demons trying to keep you away from God. If i may make a suggestion? "The Rainbow study bible", Living bible edition. Very easy to understand. Pray for understanding, and to be steadfast in the Lord. I'll pray with you! God Bless!!

 

[NewSong]

I don't have anything I can add because it has been said so well .... but I would like to share these scriptures just for the shear fact that they say so much. It is kind of like a prayer and a realization at the same time of where the best is.

"Keep me safe, O God,
for I have come to you for refuge.
LORD, you alone are my inheritance, my cup of blessing.
You guard all that is mine.
I will bless the LORD who guides me;
even at night my heart instructs me.
I know the LORD is always with me.
I will not be shaken, for he is right beside me.
No wonder my heart is filled with joy,
and my mouth shouts his praises!
My body rests in safety."
Psalm 16:1,5,7-9

 

[Snow Angel]

I am a Christian
By Maya Angelou

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not shouting, "I'm clean livin."
I'm whispering, "I was lost,"
Now I'm found and forgiven.

When I say, "I am a Christian"
I'm confessing that I stumble
and need CHRIST to be my guide.
When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not trying to be strong.
I'm professing that I'm weak
and need HIS strength to carry on.
When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not bragging of success.
I'm admitting I have failed
and need God to clean my mess.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not claiming to be perfect,
My flaws are far too visible
but, God believes I am worth it.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I still feel the sting of pain,
I have my share of heartaches
So I call upon His name.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not holier than thou,
I'm just a simple sinner
who received God's grace thru the blood of Jesus, and, I bow!

 

[strengthinweakness]

SignalFire, I am curious about some of the language that you used in describing what you want from God. Could you clarify some of your statements so that we can better understand? How exactly do you wish that God would "show" Himself to you? How are you looking for Him to "respond?" You said that you "feel like God should show Himself a bit more." If you read the two books that I mentioned (which I'm glad you are going to do) and put them together with what you have already read, I think you will see that God has "shown" Himself to us rather amazingly, in so many ways that (as the title of one of the books states) it actually does take more faith not to believe in Him than to believe in Him.

From what the Bible itself says though, the real problem, the deepest problem, with "seeking God" is that no one actually does it-- at least not on his/her own. Biblically speaking, if someone is truly seeking God, that is simply proof that God has already sought out that person. God pursues people first, and they "seek Him" only in response. This teaching is all throughout the Bible. The nation of Israel was not "seeking God" before He chose them to be His people in the Old Testament. Jeremiah was certainly not "seeking God" when God chose Him and set Him apart to be a prophet while still in his mother's womb. In the book of Acts, Paul was not "seeking Christ" when Christ met him on the road to Damascus, confronted him about his vengeful persecution of Christians, blinded him, sent him off to be cared for by others, and ultimately chose him to be an apostle. God seeks people first, and they seek Him only in response. If you are sincerely seeking the true God (who has revealed Himself in the Bible), then that is proof that He has already found you. The "strength" or "weakness" of your faith is not what ultimately matters. If you truly want to know God, that simply means that God already had His eye on you before you ever thought about Him-- and He will keep you. Your faith may be weak at times, but God is not weak, and it is God who upholds His children and ultimately keeps them. Not that you don't have to exercise faith-- you certainly do. Furthermore, faith is somewhat like a muscle-- if you don't exercise it (by which I mean, simply choosing to have faith and live in it in your daily life), it will become weak and flabby. However, even faith itself is a gift which comes from God. It is the responsibilty of believers to cultivate it though.

Please remember that it is not the responsibility of God to reveal Himself to us or to respond to us in the ways that we may expect or demand. He has shown Himself in the incredible intricacy of creation, He speaks to us in our consciences, He has given us the Bible, which has proven itself over and over to be historically accurate and uncannily prophetic, and He gave His son, who proved Himself to be who He said He was by rising from the dead. There is an incredible amount of evidence for all of the above claims for anyone who actually wishes to see it. If we go beyond the abundant evidence that He has already provided though, and demand that He show Himself to us in still more ways, and feel that we are entitled to have Him do this for us, then we are asserting a right which does not belong to us. God has given us much, much evidence for His existence and for the truth of His word. We are in no position to demand more from Him. I say this as a person who has shaken my fist defiantly at God many, many times and demanded many things from Him. It was a huge wake-up call for me when I finally realized, by His grace, that He owed me absolutely nothing. He showed me vividly the depravity of my own heart, and once I saw this, I understood that the only thing that I, as a prideful, rebellious, arrogant sinner, deserve from Him is Hell. The fact that I am not burning in Hell right now is only because He has shown me grace, which means His unmerited favor-- favor which I could never deserve. SignalFire, God has loved you and me and all believers infinitely, which means that He has loved us far beyond what we can ever imagine, and far better than any human beings can ever love us. Jesus has already perfectly paid for your sins, including your "faithlessness" as a believer-- which means that you don't have to cut yourself for it. Please don't do that to yourself anymore. You are hurting your body, which is a temple of the Holy Spirit. You don't have to do "penance" for your own sins. Jesus has already paid for them. All that He asks is faith and repentance, which He Himself grants to believers. Repent of (turn away from) your sins. Don't try to do "penance" for them, because Jesus has already paid the price. You can't add anything more to an already perfect sacrifice. Repentance from sin and the doing of good works arise out of love for God, and gratitude to Him, for what He has already given to us in the gift of salvation. We can't add anything more to our salvation by hurting ourselves in an attempt to do penance. Take care of yourself. I will keep praying for you.

 

[SignalFire]

You raise a number of good points, Strengthinweakness. Many of them are things that I am working at grasping. However, you must understand that the only thing I have more of a dedication to than seeking God is seeking the truth. These things should be the same, but in seeking the truth I have let myself see everything from an agnostic perspective. I look at life as if I am a newborn child, without having been told what to believe. I look for God, yes, but my conviction, ultimately, is to truth. That should be a synonym for God from a Christian standpoint, but for me that is uncertain.

The question that plagues my mind is this: What if no one else on earth believed in God? What if my friends, my parents, my pastor, the Pope himself came out and said, "Guess what? We were just making this up all along. It was all a lie." What if historians came out and said, "Huh, guess we goofed this up. Jesus really wasn't the messiah." What if everyone, EVERYONE who ever advocated Christianity denounced their ways? Imagine this for one moment. A world alone, abandoned. Everyone telling you to stop believing. Everyone who ever taught you to believe, telling you it's a lie. Not that this would happen, but for me to believe in God I have to have clenched within my mind's grasp something that would allow me to believe even if no one else did. History is fickle and full of lies. A good argument can be made for anything, and the fact that our culture is predominantly Christian makes it only easier to conform. I don't trust my own judgment on such matters. I know that I have so often been led astray. I don't trust myself to look at history or modern life and say, "This is true! This is false!" Eventually we're all pushed to the point where we have to make those calls, but for something as monumental as God himself I need something else to sway me. Just as easily as I can be led to believe in God through books and knowledge, so they can destroy my faith.

I've searched for this answer. I've gone on mission trips, I've had countless discussions with friends and youth leaders, I've racked my own brain on a daily basis for a solution. Let me know if you have any.

Thanks again for all the prayers out there. I really appreciate them.

 

[missionary1]

You raise a number of good points, Strengthinweakness. Many of them are things that I am working at grasping. However, you must understand that the only thing I have more of a dedication to than seeking God is seeking the truth. These things should be the same, but in seeking the truth I have let myself see everything from an agnostic perspective. I look at life as if I am a newborn child, without having been told what to believe. I look for God, yes, but my conviction, ultimately, is to truth. That should be a synonym for God from a Christian standpoint, but for me that is uncertain.

The question that plagues my mind is this: What if no one else on earth believed in God? What if my friends, my parents, my pastor, the Pope himself came out and said, "Guess what? We were just making this up all along. It was all a lie." What if historians came out and said, "Huh, guess we goofed this up. Jesus really wasn't the messiah." What if everyone, EVERYONE who ever advocated Christianity denounced their ways? Imagine this for one moment. A world alone, abandoned. Everyone telling you to stop believing. Everyone who ever taught you to believe, telling you it's a lie. Not that this would happen, but for me to believe in God I have to have clenched within my mind's grasp something that would allow me to believe even if no one else did. History is fickle and full of lies. A good argument can be made for anything, and the fact that our culture is predominantly Christian makes it only easier to conform. I don't trust my own judgment on such matters. I know that I have so often been led astray. I don't trust myself to look at history or modern life and say, "This is true! This is false!" Eventually we're all pushed to the point where we have to make those calls, but for something as monumental as God himself I need something else to sway me. Just as easily as I can be led to believe in God through books and knowledge, so they can destroy my faith.

I've searched for this answer. I've gone on mission trips, I've had countless discussions with friends and youth leaders, I've racked my own brain on a daily basis for a solution. Let me know if you have any.

Thanks again for all the prayers out there. I really appreciate them.

Hi SignalFire,

You obviously have a Christian background. Something happened to you along the way.

May I ask what happened? Please be specific...

Thank you and God bless you

 

[strengthinweakness]

SignalFire, I think I understand where you are coming from in your approach to questions of truth at this point. I was an agnostic myself for several years. I reached the point where I questioned everything, even the existence of any kind of objective reality at all. For a long time, I even ridiculed people who had any sort of faith in "the transcendant." I am ashamed to admit that now, but it's true. In my nihilism and living for my own personal "god" of self-defined "pleasure," I eventually fell apart and started looking for answers, for some kind of possible meaning beyond my own preferences and dislikes. Eventually, in my search, I found that Christianity had more evidence (convincing evidence) on its side than I had ever imagined when I used to glibly dismiss it. I also found the many challenges and objections to Christianity from other religions. Christianity always had more solid, hard-to-refute, convincing answers. There is a reason for this-- it is true, founded on historical fact. Of course, I don't ask or expect that anyone accept such a statement at face value-- we should all look at the evidence for ourselves. If one is truly open to the truth though, the search will lead to Christ. He lived, died, and rose from the dead. Each of the three is an historical fact. Paul said that if Jesus did not rise from the dead, Christians should simply be pitied-- and Paul was in a position to know the truth. Christianity has nothing to fear from an honest search for truth, because a truly honest search for truth will lead to Christianity. I do not make such a statement as a "brainwashed believer"-- as I said, for many years, I was quite a skeptic myself. Don't accept Christianity based on the fact that many people believe in it. Don't accept it because we in the United States supposedly live in a "Christian culture." I personally would say that American culture has leaned much more towards paganism or moral relativism for the last three decades or so, but that's another matter! Just honestly look for the truth-- and honestly admit that even in the most "objective" search for the truth, one may very likely be swayed by one's personal desire to live however one wishes, not forsaking any cherished personal pleasures or preferences! When I became a Christian, in so doing, I chose to give up certain things that I formerly really enjoyed. I gave them up, however, because, as you said of yourself, I cared about the truth more than anything else!

I now know, however, that I did not reach such a state of caring for the truth in and of myself. Only God can bring us to really care more about the truth than anything else, because He is the truth, whereas our hearts are fickle, untrustworthy, and (in the interest of honesty, it must be said) wicked! We should prize God above all people and things, at all times, but no one does-- which is the ultimate, true definition of "wicked." These are hard words, though, words that only a believer in the true God can truly accept. I pray that the true God enables you to see clearly in your search for truth. By His grace, I have learned that there is no other way for me to see clearly.

 

[eyezax]

signalfire

some scripture is in order ..." no man can come unto me except my father draws him "...
look up in concordance,but that is in the bible ...the point being that it is God that initiates ,we respond.the mere fact that you're seeking says that God is drawing you to himself. you know jesus walked the earth...a historical fact...and in your heart you know who he was.you have probably been disillusioned by church people in the past. people are imperfect.period.all people.they all struggle with things,whether they admit it or not.many are very self-righteous,which annoys me too.it is not the performance of what God requires,but the free gift of GRACE,received by faith,that brings salvation.you see God doesn't hold your sins against you,he has already dealt with them.it's done. you simply need to receive it.take it... it's yours.he poured out his blood and died to pay for ALL sin.yours too.(rent "the passion"and watch it.he did that for you!)and he did it because of LOVE.the love you have always longed for is available to you.God is not mad at you.he understands where you're at and is standing at the door of your heart knocking.he wants to help you with EVERY issue in your life and wants you to have a good time.he wants to be your father .

the mind is tricky.the bible says it needs to be renewed.you absolutely MUST read it.the new testament,mainly...also,some other reading material i would recommend is anything by Kenneth Hagin... also the works of E.W.Kenyon is good reading .you can find their books using a search engine...but the bible ,which is God's word to YOU,is the main thing...you need to know whats in there.

you can e-mail me or PM .if i can be of further help,let me know.

 

[SignalFire]

You asked, Missionary1, what happened to me? You’re correct in thinking that I come from a Christian background- my dad is actually a pastor, and a very good one at that. I honestly wish I knew what causes me to question the existence of God. Perhaps it’s because I’ve fought all my life on the side of Christianity. I have a lot of atheist friends, and I’ve tried to help all of them at one point or another. My history is that of a crusading Christian. You see, I never questioned the existence of God because I was raised being told he was real, and I believed it as readily as I believe in gravity. Or Santa Claus, for that matter.

But to believe in something just because others tell you to is foolish. I’m not sure quite when it was that I “woke up” but one night I said to myself, “Do you even know what you’re believing in?” I had advocated Christianity my entire life, but did I really know what I was doing? What if I was actually taking my friends off the CORRECT path? How could I know? So I looked at the universe objectively and realized that there was no standing evidence that could convince me that God was real. I searched for this evidence, though. I read books and went to Bible study and listened with all my heart every Sunday, but nothing has broken through this barrier of disbelief. Until I KNOW what is real, I cannot advocate Christianity like I had for so long. I think that, in believing in any religion, you’re entering yourself in a very dangerous game. All eternity depends on the choices you make. The only thing I can sense by pure intuition is that one must seek the truth- it seems to be the only way to guarantee you’re doing the right thing. But truth has eluded me. I’ve fought for it, cried out for help again and again… Where to now? I can’t seem to get much from books that are out to “prove” through logic that Christ is real. Every time I pray, I fear myself. What can break this barrier between God and me? My subsistent hope is that God is indeed seeking ME out, but this is a rather scary bet. What can I do?