I only do night prayers, and their always the exact same thing because I can't thing of anything else. Even if I try to say some other things to pray about, I still end up saying the same things... Also, since I sleep usually around 12:00 AM I just say 1-2 sentences and end my prayer... I ask God for forgiveness, but its the same phrase each time and I only do it at my night prayer. Also, I feel nothing to it. I just say it to God with no emotion or regret whatsoever (That probably doesn't make sense).I do tons of wrong things, and I'm aware they're wrong but I still do them anyways. I cuss, I do dirty jokes, and other things just because it fun. I competley forget God and just say whatever think I have in my mind.... Additionally, I never read the bible because I simply dont want to.......
I feel like I can solve these problems, but its really hard. I still have faith, but I don't truly thank God enough for what he has done/what he does...I'm so disapointed in myself because I want to thank him but I feel like its not enough. I've forgotten God and I know he's also dissapointed!!! What I truly want to do is make God happy and show that I appreciate him and love him
Actually, you can't solve your problems. If that were possible, you'd have done so by now. Your whole post is about how you can't (and on some level don't really
want to) solve your problem with God. There's only two reasons you feel and act as you do: 1.) Your sin has created a fracture in your fellowship with God. 2.) You aren't a genuine disciple of Christ. That you have some desire to be in a better circumstance with God suggests your problem may be the first one rather than the second. The spiritually dead, those who are not born-again, do not stress over walking rightly with God.
A big part of your problem is that you are disappointed in yourself. Your disappointment suggests you have an expectation of better attitudes, desires and actions from yourself than you have been manifesting. But this expectation is all wrong. Your Self is the source of all your sin. Here's what the Bible tells us about ourselves:
Jeremiah 17:9
9 "The heart is deceitful above all things, And desperately wicked; Who can know it?
Matthew 15:19
19 For out of the heart proceed evil thoughts, murders, adulteries, fornications, thefts, false witness, blasphemies.
Romans 8:7-8
7 Because the carnal mind is enmity against God; for it is not subject to the law of God, nor indeed can be.
8 So then, those who are in the flesh cannot please God.
Galatians 5:19-21
19 Now the works of the flesh are evident, which are: adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lewdness,
20 idolatry, sorcery, hatred, contentions, jealousies, outbursts of wrath, selfish ambitions, dissensions, heresies,
21 envy, murders, drunkenness, revelries, and the like; of which I tell you beforehand, just as I also told you in time past, that those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.
Ephesians 2:1-3
1 And you He made alive, who were dead in trespasses and sins,
2 in which you once walked according to the course of this world, according to the prince of the power of the air, the spirit who now works in the sons of disobedience,
3 among whom also we all once conducted ourselves in the lusts of our flesh, fulfilling the desires of the flesh and of the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, just as the others.
Romans 3:10-11
10 As it is written: "There is none righteous, no, not one;
11 There is none who understands; There is none who seeks after God.
Romans 3:23
23 for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,
Apart from God we are a foul, wretched bunch of wicked sinners. Do you believe it? Do you agree with God about your own wickedness? If you did, you wouldn't be expecting better of yourself and become disappointed when you fail to meet that expectation. Instead, you'd know that what the Bible says is true and that you need to be saved, not just from your sin, but from your
Self.
Christ's shed blood on the cross cleanses you from the stain of your sin, but it is the
cross that is the means by which God deals with your Self (the source of all your sin). Paul the apostle explains:
Romans 6:6-7
6 knowing this, that our old man was crucified with Him, that the body of sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves of sin.
7 For he who has died has been freed from sin.
Galatians 2:20
20 I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me.
Colossians 3:2-3
2 Set your mind on things above, not on things on the earth.
3 For you died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God.
Your Self, your "carnal man" or "old man" that person "dead in trespasses and sins" that we all are before we are saved is so awful, so prone to sin, that it cannot be remediated, or improved. The only solution for our incorrigibly wicked Self is
death.
But God does not simply put to death our "old man" our carnal, fleshly Self and leave it at that. No, He brings us into new life in Christ:
2 Corinthians 5:17
17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.
Romans 8:10-11
10 And if Christ is in you, the body is dead because of sin, but the Spirit is life because of righteousness.
11 But if the Spirit of Him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, He who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through His Spirit who dwells in you.
1 John 5:11-12
11 And this is the testimony: that God has given us eternal life, and this life is in His Son.
12 He who has the Son has life; he who does not have the Son of God does not have life.
So, why am I telling you all this? What difference can any of this make to how you live? Well, that depends upon how you respond to what I've just told you. If you believe you are "dead to sin and alive unto God through Christ Jesus," then you have a choice to make: will you live in accord with who you are in Christ? Or will you keep on as you are, living like the person you were before you were saved? "The me I see is the me I'll be." It's that simple. If you want to start living like the person in Christ who is "dead to sin and alive unto God" that you are, then you must begin to count on your new life in Christ being real and let it define who you are.
Before all of this, though, is the matter of love and surrender. You can know all about who you are in Christ and believe it strongly, but if you aren't living in moment-by-moment surrender to God, your position in Christ will have little effect on the character of your life. You won't live in surrender to God, however, if you don't love and trust Him. So, the Christian life begins here:
Matthew 22:36-38
36 "Teacher, which is the great commandment in the law?"
37 Jesus said to him, "'You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.'
38 This is the first and great commandment.
What you have described of your experience makes it pretty clear that you don't love God. Or, at least, you don't love Him nearly as much as you love yourself. Until this changes, your relationship with God will continue to be the frustrating, guilty mess that it is at the moment. The only One, though, who can overcome your Self love is God. The love He wants from you
He must first give to you. And He does that in the Person of His Spirit. The moment you are saved, the Holy Spirit comes to live within you and in him is all that you need to be the person God wants you to be. Many Christians aren't saved, though, from a motive of love. Many people trust in Christ as their Saviour because they are guilty and afraid. They are looking for "fire insurance," not a love-relationship with their Maker. How about you? Was it love that motivated you into a relationship with God? Or were you mainly just wanting to escape hell?
Whatever the case, your love for God is, at the moment, weak and crowded out by your love for yourself. God is the only One who can change that. So, ask Him to. Pray that He would, by His Spirit, break you of your Self-love and bring you into a full knowledge and experience of His love. And keep asking until He does.
Paul's prayer for the Ephesians seems very applicable to you:
Ephesians 3:14-19
14 For this reason I bow my knees to the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ,
15 from whom the whole family in heaven and earth is named,
16 that He would grant you, according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with might through His Spirit in the inner man,
17 that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; that you, being rooted and grounded in love,
18 may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the width and length and depth and height--
19 to know the love of Christ which passes knowledge; that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.
Selah.
