Looking Through the Window

[Christsfreeservant]

Now I am looking through the window
In the corner of my room.
I see people walking here and there
Seemingly without a care.

I wonder, “Do they truly know Him?
Do they think of Him at all?
Do they think of what He’s done for them?
Have they given Him a call?

“Do they wonder if He’s listening
To the words they choose to say?
Do they think on how they live their lives?
Do they stop, and to Him pray?

“Now is He barely even mentioned
When they’re talking to their friends?
Or is He given not a thought at all,
For on Him they not depend?

“Or is there just a vague connection
With the man who gave His life,
who on that cruel cross He suffered,
To set us free from sin and strife?”

So, I now pray for them in earnest,
That they come to know Him well,
So that their sins will be forgiven,
And forever with Him dwell,

So that they walk now with Him daily,
In obedience to Him,
And that they serve Him as their only
King of kings, who lives in heav’n.

An Original Work / June 10, 2023

 

[linux.poet]

Honestly, this is less a poem and more of a song, given that it's written in sing-song meter with an abab cdcd efef rhyme scheme. I like the concept behind it though, and thus would encourage you to develop it as a hymn or a song, rather than as a poem.

As a poem, it comes across as amateur with a lack of variety in rhythm and meter, titling the first letter of every line, and the abab cdcd rhyme scheme. You may wish to experiment with removing unnecessary capital letters at the beginning of lines.

For example:

So that they walk now with Him daily,
In obedience to Him,
And that they serve Him as their only
King of kings, who lives in heav’n.

so that they walk now with Him daily,
in obedience to Him,
and that they serve Him as their only
King of kings, who lives in heav’n.

The combination of the lowercase letter at the beginning of your stanza and the stanza break create a cool emotional effect there, giving the audience a feeling of submission, which is what your last stanza is about. Removing the capitals will bring the audience into the poem and allow them to feel your feelings along with you, (wonder about people's salvation, prayer for their salvation, hope) rather than having their eyes glaze over from a bunch of Christian concepts that they have heard thrown around many times already.

 

[Lost Witness]

Love her little writings myself.
This one is very heartfelt and it's beautiful to see you care so much about the sake of those around you.
Many are asleep and it's so easy to fall asleep as I myself had fallen asleep and even recently I had fallen into sin and was unaware until confession of it came out of my mouth and it was confirmed in my Spirit.
These are dangerous times were in.
May the LORD keep you ever closer.
May his grace abound to you even more so than ever to all who read this.

 

[Christsfreeservant]

Love her little writings myself.
This one is very heartfelt and it's beautiful to see you care so much about the sake of those around you.
Many are asleep and it's so easy to fall asleep as I myself had fallen asleep and even recently I had fallen into sin and was unaware until confession of it came out of my mouth and it was confirmed in my Spirit.
These are dangerous times were in.
May the LORD keep you ever closer.
May his grace abound to you even more so than ever to all who read this.

Thank you. I appreciate that encouragement very much. God bless you. Glory to God.

 

[Christsfreeservant]

Honestly, this is less a poem and more of a song, given that it's written in sing-song meter with an abab cdcd efef rhyme scheme. I like the concept behind it though, and thus would encourage you to develop it as a hymn or a song, rather than as a poem.

As a poem, it comes across as amateur with a lack of variety in rhythm and meter, titling the first letter of every line, and the abab cdcd rhyme scheme. You may wish to experiment with removing unnecessary capital letters at the beginning of lines.

For example:





The combination of the lowercase letter at the beginning of your stanza and the stanza break create a cool emotional effect there, giving the audience a feeling of submission, which is what your last stanza is about. Removing the capitals will bring the audience into the poem and allow them to feel your feelings along with you, (wonder about people's salvation, prayer for their salvation, hope) rather than having their eyes glaze over from a bunch of Christian concepts that they have heard thrown around many times already.

Thank you for taking the time to read the poem and to give your thoughts on it.