Looking for the Lord

[Dianna]

Hi. I thought this might be a good place for me to come and share. I use to be a Christian. But then I feel away. I think became a Buddhist. No longer into Buddhism. I am longing to be with the Lord again, for him to be my savior. I just feel lost and confussed, I don't know where to start. I know that sounds silly, just feeling disconnected I guess you could say. I need prayers, as the journey is not any easy one. It is one on my own, no family memeber including husband is Christian, so it is like I am walking alone. I do not want to feel alone anymore, I know if I have Christ in my life, I will not be. There really is no question here...just a hand out reaching to him, but it does not seem just wanting it is working.

Dianna

 

[Ssarl]

I pray that you will come to experience God at work in your life once more.
God did not give up on you when you chose to explore another religion, nor did He stop loving you. He holds no condemnation against you and He will not hide Himself from you.

That said, coming out of a life without Him, it can be awfully hard to see Him there - I remember this well. It seemed to take forever before I could feel His presence, but once I finally reached that point, I realised He'd been working all along. I just hope that you will not feel discouraged or think that your faith is too weak. If you seek Him with an honest heart, He will honour this and become part of your life. This isn't always easy - it took me four years to finally be free of my baggage and accept that He loves me - but together with Him we can make it.

If you ever think it would help to talk, please don't hesistate to contact me. If you wish me to continue in prayer for you, that can be arranged... if I just have a little reminder from time to time.

God bless you.

In love,
Your brother in Christ,
Andrew

 

[Dianna]

Andrew thank you. I do worry if I will have a connection to where I feel the Lords presence. I know it will happen, even if it takes awhile. I just need to be strong, and diligent. I have a tendency to give up on things. And I know that is something I can not do now. I would love your prayers. Thank you so much.

Dianna

 

[Savedsis]

Praying for you.....God bless...

 

[Ssarl]

I know how you feel... many times I've known in my head 'it's gonna be ok, God will always be there for me' and not feeling it in my emotions at all. The only advice I can give is listen to your head over your feelings when your feelings aren't trustworthy...
You're God's precious child. His sweet princess. You're beautiful to Him, of course He will seek a connection to you. But as long as we live in a fallen world, that's going to be hard. In the Kingdom of Heaven, we'll be closer to Him than we could imagine, and in the meantime... we can grow, we can change. Don't lose heart if you're not where you want to be with Him right now - time might be the only thing separating you from it. A year ago, I was in a horrible place, I barely knew He was there, couldn't see a reason to live, had no hope. But all the things I longed for in Him back then He has delivered me... we can't see the future; sometimes, what He has in store is greater than we'd have ever dreamed.

 

[Dianna]

Praying for you.....God bless...

Thank you very much. Prayers right now are very much needed.

 

[Dianna]

A year ago, I was in a horrible place, I barely knew He was there, couldn't see a reason to live, had no hope. But all the things I longed for in Him back then He has delivered me... we can't see the future; sometimes, what He has in store is greater than we'd have ever dreamed.

I am at many times feeling hopeless. Espically when depression kicks in. I have gone as far in the past as trying to committ suicide. I never want to be there again, I want to know he is there, feel his love, and live for him.

Dianna

 

[Ssarl]

I know well the pain of depression. I've suffered from severe mental illness including but not limited to depression for years... I can tell you that it does get better. During a downer, *everything* hurts, and it's hard to remember that you've had days in the past that have been better, or to really believe that you'll have better days in the future. But sticking with the Lord has gotten me through the roughest times and has also given me the best times.

In this situation, there's unfortunately no guarantee that your feelings will change the way you want to them, as they're so out of control. I haven't honlestly felt relaxed in about six months, and I could count the number of times I've experienced true joy in the Lord on my fingers. But when it *does* come, it's the greatest thing ever! I don't even care if it only lasts a night, it makes the rest of my life seem worth it...

Have you found a church to call home yet? I hope that you will find people around you to encourage you in your early walk with Christ. I too started my relationship with him while very depressed, but it really helped to have people in the community who could experience His presence with me.

How's your support network in dealing with the depression? As much as I know it sucks talking about it, it has helped me immensely so far to have people to talk to about it, particularly those that gently nudge me to talk about it (since I sometimes feel that I'd quite happily keep my mouth for the rest of my life while it all fell apart!).

As for feeling his love... I'm afraid that can sometimes be limited by how well we are able to understand love. I struggled a lot in this area, not having had much understanding or experience of true love, but I have learnt now that He loves me more than anything in this world could ever love; He considers me precious above everything that He has made. It's true for you too, I pray that you'll be able to see it as you seek after Him.

Your brother in Christ,
Andrew

 

[Dianna]

I know well the pain of depression. I've suffered from severe mental illness including but not limited to depression for years... I can tell you that it does get better. During a downer, *everything* hurts, and it's hard to remember that you've had days in the past that have been better, or to really believe that you'll have better days in the future. But sticking with the Lord has gotten me through the roughest times and has also given me the best times.

In this situation, there's unfortunately no guarantee that your feelings will change the way you want to them, as they're so out of control. I haven't honlestly felt relaxed in about six months, and I could count the number of times I've experienced true joy in the Lord on my fingers. But when it *does* come, it's the greatest thing ever! I don't even care if it only lasts a night, it makes the rest of my life seem worth it...

Have you found a church to call home yet? I hope that you will find people around you to encourage you in your early walk with Christ. I too started my relationship with him while very depressed, but it really helped to have people in the community who could experience His presence with me.

How's your support network in dealing with the depression? As much as I know it sucks talking about it, it has helped me immensely so far to have people to talk to about it, particularly those that gently nudge me to talk about it (since I sometimes feel that I'd quite happily keep my mouth for the rest of my life while it all fell apart!).

As for feeling his love... I'm afraid that can sometimes be limited by how well we are able to understand love. I struggled a lot in this area, not having had much understanding or experience of true love, but I have learnt now that He loves me more than anything in this world could ever love; He considers me precious above everything that He has made. It's true for you too, I pray that you'll be able to see it as you seek after Him.

Your brother in Christ,
Andrew

Andrew thank you for sharing. Right now, no I do not have a church. Problem there is I am not sure how I would get to church, as my husband even works on Sundays and has the car. When the time is right to go I am sure a way will be found.

I do have a good support group for my bipolar. My family takes great care of me when needed, espcially my husband.

I am lucky in that my husband is supporting this new journey I am on. He wants me to be happy.

I am glad to say that at this moment I am not depressed. I was a few weeks ago, and as always it will come back. A cycle I have lived with for years.

I know one day it will hit me, that I am loved and he is there. Of course that day can not come soon enough. I know with prayer and reading the Lord will be shown to me again. I hate that I turned away, but I basically felt abandoned because of what my church was telling me. I know now to listen to the Lord first.

Dianna

 

[Ssarl]

I wouldn't worry too much about the transport to church - I don't have a car either, and to this day I've never been able to get home without being offered a lift about three times! Most of them in my experience are very accomodating like this. I found it especially funny back in my country town where the walk home was only five minutes accross empty streets anyway - I was like 'I can walk you know!'

It's good to hear that you have support and that you keep hoping in spite of your feelings - it was quite a while before I was in that position, and I was worried you might be going through the same thing. You're right - when you do finally see it, you'll see God's love is the most awesome thing you've ever known. I'm still reeling from it!

 

[Dianna]

I wouldn't worry too much about the transport to church - I don't have a car either, and to this day I've never been able to get home without being offered a lift about three times! Most of them in my experience are very accomodating like this. I found it especially funny back in my country town where the walk home was only five minutes accross empty streets anyway - I was like 'I can walk you know!'

It's good to hear that you have support and that you keep hoping in spite of your feelings - it was quite a while before I was in that position, and I was worried you might be going through the same thing. You're right - when you do finally see it, you'll see God's love is the most awesome thing you've ever known. I'm still reeling from it!

Yes I know at my old church everyone was always helping everyone out. Would love to find one in walking distant, but do not recall seeing a church that close.

If I give up hope, in whatever situation, then things just get worse I have noticed. I remember the Lords love being amazing and know I will have that again soon.

Dianna

 

[fieldlily]

Dianna,

I think God has compassion on your past need to search. From what you write I sense you have a genuine longing and hunger for Him. I am thinking of the English poet, Francis Thompson, who wrote: "I fled him down the nights and down the days. I fled him down the labythinth ways of my own mind and in the midst of tears I hid from him."

And a scripture verse comes to mind from Hebrews 13:5, "...God has said, "Never, will I leave you; never will I forsake you."

You might wish to spend some time soon in all of Hebrews especially Chapter 11 to the end. It is a summary of the wanderings of the chosen people and of God's faithfulness to them...no matter what.

In my lifetime there have been times when I have fled from God thinking I was fleeing towards God because I did not understand that my feelings were not indicative of God's presence. He did not withdraw His presence. I just went away from it. Praise Him. He is calling you back into His everlasting arms.

I am praying for you as I type this.

birdfriend.

 

[Westvleteren]

I wish you the best in your spiritual journey, Dianna. I hope you find the peace you seek.

Until then, know that you're a strong woman in your own right for surviving the bouts of depression and choosing to continue the battle. Appreciate the people in your life who support you, draw strength from their love, and understand that their dedication to you means you're a person worth loving and fighting for.

-Westvleteren (spouse of bipolar)

 

[Dianna]

I wouldn't worry too much about the transport to church - I don't have a car either, and to this day I've never been able to get home without being offered a lift about three times! Most of them in my experience are very accomodating like this. I found it especially funny back in my country town where the walk home was only five minutes accross empty streets anyway - I was like 'I can walk you know!'

It's good to hear that you have support and that you keep hoping in spite of your feelings - it was quite a while before I was in that position, and I was worried you might be going through the same thing. You're right - when you do finally see it, you'll see God's love is the most awesome thing you've ever known. I'm still reeling from it!

Yes I am not going to worry about transportation too much. I know if it is where I am supose to be the Lord will show me away.

Dianna

 

[eastside9008]

i know i am probably younger than you, but i am in a situation very similar to yours. i am the only person in my immediate family who goes to church. my mom is willing to take me but wont go. i was babtized the fifteenth of may and my mom came, but it was obvious that she didnt want to be there. i used to have a lot of personal problems, you can search for my 'trouble at home' thread, thatll explain it. But i started going to youth group and church every sunday, and all of my questions, and uncertainties were explained. i questioned living, why i needed to live, why i was here on this earth. the first time i went to youth group, answered all of those questions and then some more. you can pm me any time or you can get on yahoo im -icanonlyimaine51505- or aol im -eastside9008. any time you need to talk you can talk to me. i understand what you're going through. and keep praying. it helps.

i'm praying for you. god bless.

~Alexandria

 

[Dianna]

Dianna,

I think God has compassion on your past need to search. From what you write I sense you have a genuine longing and hunger for Him. I am thinking of the English poet, Francis Thompson, who wrote: "I fled him down the nights and down the days. I fled him down the labythinth ways of my own mind and in the midst of tears I hid from him."

And a scripture verse comes to mind from Hebrews 13:5, "...God has said, "Never, will I leave you; never will I forsake you."

You might wish to spend some time soon in all of Hebrews especially Chapter 11 to the end. It is a summary of the wanderings of the chosen people and of God's faithfulness to them...no matter what.

In my lifetime there have been times when I have fled from God thinking I was fleeing towards God because I did not understand that my feelings were not indicative of God's presence. He did not withdraw His presence. I just went away from it. Praise Him. He is calling you back into His everlasting arms.

I am praying for you as I type this.

birdfriend.

Thank you, I will check out Hebrews. I know the Lord never forsake me, and that is a wonderful feeling.

Dianna

 

[Dianna]

i know i am probably younger than you, but i am in a situation very similar to yours. i am the only person in my immediate family who goes to church. my mom is willing to take me but wont go. i was babtized the fifteenth of may and my mom came, but it was obvious that she didnt want to be there. i used to have a lot of personal problems, you can search for my 'trouble at home' thread, thatll explain it. But i started going to youth group and church every sunday, and all of my questions, and uncertainties were explained. i questioned living, why i needed to live, why i was here on this earth. the first time i went to youth group, answered all of those questions and then some more. you can pm me any time or you can get on yahoo im -icanonlyimaine51505- or aol im -eastside9008. any time you need to talk you can talk to me. i understand what you're going through. and keep praying. it helps.

i'm praying for you. god bless.

~Alexandria

Thank you for praying for me, much appricated. That is wonderful that you were baptized. What a glourious day that must have been for you. Thank you for your understanding.

Dianna

 

[Johnnz]

Sometimes we need reasons to believe, something to base our faith on.

Do a Google Search for Ravi Zacharias. His web site has many very good lectures for download.

John
NZ

 

[Dianna]

Sometimes we need reasons to believe, something to base our faith on.

Do a Google Search for Ravi Zacharias. His web site has many very good lectures for download.

John
NZ

I will check that out. Thank you.

Dianna

 

[£amb]

Hi. I thought this might be a good place for me to come and share. I use to be a Christian. But then I feel away. I think became a Buddhist. No longer into Buddhism. I am longing to be with the Lord again, for him to be my savior. I just feel lost and confussed, I don't know where to start. I know that sounds silly, just feeling disconnected I guess you could say. I need prayers, as the journey is not any easy one. It is one on my own, no family memeber including husband is Christian, so it is like I am walking alone. I do not want to feel alone anymore, I know if I have Christ in my life, I will not be. There really is no question here...just a hand out reaching to him, but it does not seem just wanting it is working.

Dianna

Just remember the story of the prodigal son. Even though the son went out on his own, his father was still waiting for him to come home. And when the son came home, the Father welcomed him home with open arms. I'm sure many here will pray for your journey back to God and to strengthen your love for him. Remember this, there are others here you can talk to if you feel alone.